[bissdums]

I am 19 year old female.
I have been with my bf for 1 year and 3 months. At first, i was okay having sex. But later on, i got scared that his family might find out. In our religion, Sex comes after marriage and it's something which we shouldnt do before marriage. i really do love him and he loves me too!!
I Like giving him oral, but i don't want to go all the way.! And due to this he gets disappointed. Now, what i find disturbing is that i don't want him to touch me or have sex. But i know that i still love him. Tell me how to overcome this?

[Texasred]

So... do you think your attitude will change after marriage? If so, that seems to be your only answer, doesn't it?

[avvie_88]

Maybe you can't overcome it. You could just be "brainwashed" (for lack of thinking of a more fitting word a 3am haha) that it's not ok/right so it's making it impossible for you to do it. I'd just tell him your super uncomfortable that someone will find out and you were taught it's not right, and you feel bad doing something you don't see at "right." He should be able to respect that...doesn't have to like it, but he should respect it.

[jamesmarshalls]

avvie is right you should tell him how you feel being uncomfortable to that if he really loves you he will understand you. In a relationship it cannot avoid enjoying yourself to that deep but sometimes you need to think about your self first.

[maria17]

you should discuss with your husband .by discussing you slove your problem.

[bissdums]

my reservations may be gone after marriage right?

[bissdums]

I did tell him that I am uncomfortable and he knows that i get scared that somebody may find out, yet , there are times i just cant stand to watch him get disappointed. I do get the urges **sometimes** but when i do it i don't find pleasure. is it abnormal?

And also I am uncomfortable with my own body. I just couldn't let him see me naked even if he wants it!

[jns]

my reservations may be gone after marriage right?

After marriage, your reservations should be gone because having sex will be normal between you two after that time. In fact, it may be encouraged by your religion. At that time, all of your worries about disappointing him should also disappear. If he is gentle, takes his time and works on you getting pleasure from foreplay and sex, you should start getting pleasure from acting on your urges. You will probably get less inhibited about him seeing you naked as you become more comfortable at having sex.

[DreamP346]

For women, sex is very mental. It will be very hard to enjoy if you are feeling guilty or afraid of getting caught. Also, are you using any birth control?

Two issues here. First, your boyfriend. You need to have a good talk with him. Explain how you feel and come to a compromise about what you feel comfortable in doing. There are lots of stuff you guys can do without going all the way. Also, disappointing him is not a big issue. I feel disappointed when I see the huge cake in the bakery store and I can't have it. Does that mean I should eat cake everytime I see it? In a loving relationship, both parties compromise and come to a place both feel comfortable with. If he is pressuring you to have sex, then that is not a healthy relationship.

Second is your aversion to sex. Taking the guilt out of the picture may help. Feeling comfortable with what you are doing will also help. How can you enjoy holding and kissing is you are worried it will lead to your boyfriend wanting sex. Try setting bounderies. Next time you guys are making out, tell him that is all that you are doing. If he agrees, you may find yourself enjoying it more. See how that goes. Good luck.