[AnastasiaRose]

So im inexpierenced/shy and I really want to change that.

I cannot orgasm, or even cum. I do not understand what im suppose to do when im having sex I have only tried him on top, me on top, spooning and him standing up (me wrapped around)

What other positions are there? How do I get over my shyness to even try?

How do I cum? How do I orgasm? How do I moan?

How do you learn to talk dirty? please dont respond with I need the confidence even when i get it I have no idea where to start.

Besides oral sex and intercourse what other things am I suppose to do? like when he goes down on me or were having sex, or hes kissing my body etc. what am I suppose to do to him? I dont get it.

[rosekitten]

You do what feels natural. There is no "right" way to do any of the things you mentioned. It's not about confidence, it's about communication and relaxation. As far as orgasms, do you masturbate? Knowing your own body, your own perfect pleasures, will allow you to tell your partner what you want/need.

[Hugo-B]

You haven't given us too much information to work with here. How old are you? Do you masturbate? If so, can you orgasm through masturbating? I'm guessing not and you're late teens to early twenties, not that it matters much. I hope you have had no unpleasant sexual experiences in the past which could be affecting your ability to enjoy sex.

It sounds like you have confidence issues - not what you wanted to hear, sorry - and are unable to achieve the requisite level of intimacy because of this to enjoy yourself enough to 'let go'.

The good news is that insecurity CAN be overcome. I lost my virginity when I was 19 to the first girl I ever did more than kiss with. She was relatively experienced compared to me (not as experienced as she made out but I didn't know at the time) and she made me feel very insecure about myself and what we did. Some of it I believe was inadvertent, whilst some was downright nasty and insensitive. She used to get angry when I came too quickly (which was nearly all of the time) and would tell me I should be able to last for half an hour, which was 'normal' (this only made matters worse for me),and would constantly talk about ex boyfriends and make references to having sex with other men. So I know how awkward sex can be when you have little to no confidence. I can assure you it gets better, and I believe inexperience and insecurity kind of go together, especially if your first partner is more experienced, obviously this is subjective but, I believe, quite common.

She also asked me to talk dirty to her and I had no idea what to say, in fact I didn't talk dirty to a girl during sex until I was 25. It is something that will just spring out of no where, and before you know it all kinds of filth will be flowing from your vocal cords like a broken tap!

You also do not mention your partner, I'll assume he's a good guy - loving, caring? Treats you well? - assuming the relationship is sound you can start taking steps towards the elusive big O!

If you masturbate and can climax that way, great, if not, don't despair but the first place to practice is by yourself. The girls here will need to guide you through that, I'm a (smelly) boy so they'll be able to offer more helpful assistance than me. I know a girl who admitted to me she didn't start masturbating nor have her first orgasm until she was 25, people 'make friends' with their bodies at all different ages, no rules there.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch - i mean in bed with your boyfriend - you need to discover what you like. What would you like him to do to you if you could get him to do anything? If YOU don't know what pleases YOU, how can he work out what pleases YOU?

If you're not sure yet what you like yet, you could divert attention away from yourself and focus on pleasing him, a great amount of confidence can be derived from KNOWING you're pleasing your partner, when I first started having sex I was more intent on pleasing my GF than myself.
It's a pretty sure bet your BF will LOVE blow-jobs. You could watch a couple of porn films and start mimicking the technique the girls use (my advice to any girl unsure of how to give great head - watch the professionals) even if it is tricky duplicate at first, I doubt very much he'll have any problems being your guinea pig!

You sounded pretty lost (no offense) when you said "I'm not even sure what to do" I'm reluctant to lay out a 'plan' as sex is ideally an organic process, but since I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL, I'll map out what happened the last time I had sex with my girlfriend, it was nothing extravagant so it will give you an idea of the sequence of events a normal couple go through when having regular/vanilla sex. (I'm 32 and she's 25).
There are no rules to how it should or shouldn't look, I just think this is a good example for someone in your situation to take a quick look at. Porn is NOT a good example of a couple having loving sex. Unfortunately it's what boys usually use as a 'roadmap' to start off with as it's all they have.

We lay in bed on our sides talking I'm stroking her from her arm down to her hips (both fully dressed)...

I tell her I love her, she reciprocates...

We move closer together, heavy petting...

I roll her onto her back, I'm hard, we continue kissing...

She unzips me and starts to touch me...

I reluctantly climb out of the bed and we hurriedly pull her jeans off, we leave her underwear on...

I take my top off and climb back on top of her...

we continue kissing, she plays with my penis, I start to stroke her vagina and gently press down where her clit is and start gently rubbing...

She asks me to lay on my back, I do, she wriggles round and gives me a blow job, whilst she's doing this her butt is pointed towards me and I keep using my hands to please and tease her. (we have a deal where I get as much head as I like but then I do all the work when we have sex)

When I can feel she's very wet and aroused, and am really, really aroused I tell her to lay on her back, I climb on top of her and enter her very, very slowly until she gets frustrated and starts to pull my hips

We then have sex in the missionary position which I vary by lifting her legs so I can get into her deeper if I/we like

we kiss and take turns at kissing each others necks and ears, and we talk a little bit too, nothing worth mentioning (like I said it's very subjective and occurs organically when the time is right).

We continue until she climaxes (I can't always tell, she quite tricky in that respect) she lets me know by instructing me to cum, and I do.

We cuddle...

I hope this helps?

Just remember what you're going through is NORMAL.

[sw585]

There is no "right" way of having sex. Sex is a very natural thing. My advice to you is to lose all inhibitions. Dont be nervous. There isnt a guideline to have sex.

[AnastasiaRose]

Yes I agree I have had some bad exposures in the past... im 25, but I need to move on but im not automatically going to know what to do I need to know how sort things to say/do ... I don't get horny ever so I need help.

I need help learning how to cum/orgasm.

Please no more "you need self confidence" replies I need tips!

[Element]

Talking dirty... I kinda started off with things I would like to hear, but twist them to things that he would enjoy to hear. Don't lie, don't talk just to talk. If he's not the biggest you've ever had, don't tell him he is. Most of it is in the moment, I go off what is working for my guy as we are together. Sometimes he wants to hear how the sex feels to me, sometimes he wants to hear how I love that he is the only man I have ever been with. It's the closeness that makes the 'aura of the act'. The two of you together, bodies entwined, feeling each other emotionally and physically, that's what sets the tone for what you say.

I'm a physical person, I like to touch and be touched. So when my guy is kissing on my body, I'm running my hands through his hair, over his shoulders, if I can reach his arms I'll stroke those as well. If your man likes scratches, then it'd be a good time to do that. If you can reach a part of him, then kiss him. It's about the physical connection. Do what you first think of, don't second guess, don't hesitate. Go with what you feel.

That's what'll let you cum and orgasm, going with the feeling. Shut your mind up, don't wonder if you're going to do something wrong and just do what you want, say what you want and enjoy being with your man.

[darcdante]

My wife likes to be called a "*****" during sex. Well, sometimes anyway. How does she let me know? She says it. "**** your *****."

Maybe that's not your idea of dirty talk though. That's cool! Just say, "That feels good." or moan. or "Yeah, I like that." Or "faster" or "up a little" or whatever.

Did your parents ever teach you about seeing a snake? Cause it's like that. "He's more afraid of you than you are of him." All he WANTS is to please you, so try not to be so self-aware while being pleased. Just enjoy it. There is no right or wrong, just you and him.

Most of what I post is opinion, but the one truth is: his sole mission is to please you. Just help him do it.

[Mes T]

Okay let's back up the train here. As people have previously mentioned STEP ONE is learning self-pleasure/masturbation. The first step is getting your mind in the mood. You can touch all the right places on your body but if your mind doesn't want to feel horny then there is no point. Watch erotica, read a romance novel, look at pictures of something that turns you on, fantasize, let your mind relax and roam... Then stimulate your clitoris (and/or surrounding areas) with your finger(s), see what feels good, go slow and soft okay, don't over-do it. I would recommend buying a SMALL vibrator and using that to stimulate your clitoris, as many women can orgasm faster with a vibrator. Once you know what an orgasm is even supposed to feel like, then you can switch back to using your fingers and teach yourself to reach that place with just your own hands.

Only once all of this is complete can you expect someone else to give you sexual pleasure. If you don't know how to do it for yourself (you know your own body better than anyone, after all), I think it is unrealistic to expect a guy to do it for you. That sort of stuff suits romance novels, not real life.

But the good news is that once you can do this yourself, then you can teach your partner to do it as well and it'll be even better. It is never too late to learn this, but you have got to keep in mind that you cannot progress in the bedroom with another person until you've got step one under control.

Anyway having said all of this, I think there could always be a possibility that you are asexual. There are some individuals who just do not feel desire, don't get turned on or horny, and in general aren't interested in sex. I think that is perfectly acceptable as well. But if you don't think this is the case for you, then go focus on step one and have fun!

[darcdante]

I think Mes T provides some awesome advice. Open yourself up to your own sexuality!

1) Find out what you like.

2) Realize it's not weird.
I don't really care what your fantasies are, they're not weird. There's over 6 BILLION people on Earth. No matter how "odd" your fantasies might seem, millions of others have the same fantasies.

3) Tell him.
Maybe you want to be peed on. There's an app for that. Or to pee on him! There's an app for that too. Maybe you want your butt licked (you'd be surprised how many men are into that). Maybe you want to lick his butt (you might be surprised be that number too). You don't have to come out and say it. Hmmm, I'll tell a story.

My fantasy was always to lick a woman's butt. Judge me, if you want, but I get off on it. On our honeymoon, while massaging my wife, I offered her a "booty massage." I started rubbing her buttocks. Then kissing it. Then moving closer to where I wanted. Then...well, you get the idea. She liked it, and from there we were able to move into other things I fantasized about.

You don't have to take some big leap here. Just point your man in the right direction and let things build from there. As I previously said, all he wants is to make you happy anyway. That's really all any man wants.

[jns]

So im inexpierenced/shy and I really want to change that.

I cannot orgasm, or even cum. I do not understand what im suppose to do when im having sex I have only tried him on top, me on top, spooning and him standing up (me wrapped around)

What other positions are there? How do I get over my shyness to even try?

How do I cum? How do I orgasm? How do I moan?

How do you learn to talk dirty? please dont respond with I need the confidence even when i get it I have no idea where to start.

Besides oral sex and intercourse what other things am I suppose to do? like when he goes down on me or were having sex, or hes kissing my body etc. what am I suppose to do to him? I dont get it.

Google sexinfo101 and look at the sex positions guide at sexinfo101 if you want an idea of some of the positions that can be done.

You can get over your shyness by having a bf that loves you and that you love. When that happens, you will not be shy.

Cum/orgasm/moan will be natural responses with the right bf in most cases. Practice playing with your clitoris and finding out what gives a response and what you like.

Some want to talk dirty, but others cannot form words. I've never been with a girl who talked dirty, so I don't know if I would like it and if I would respond. I don't think it is necessary to talk dirty to have good sex and a good relationship.

Hug him and kiss him. Run your hands over him. Show genuine interest in him. When he is giving you oral, you can run your hands through his hair. When he is kissing you everywhere, lie back, smile and enjoy it. Concentrate on where he is kissing and see if you like the sensation.