[amy982]

Im new to this and im scared to respond. Im not very talkative like you stevesheel...but im also stuck in a sexless marraige with a man i love more than life itself! im in your exact same situation. Im not going to go into all the details...ive been married for 20 years...i know how you feel and im looking for the same thing.

[SexlessInSeattle]

I don't know if anyone is still reading this old thread, but it is my situation, too. Married 20+ years, wonderful woman. Had a handful of girlfriends before with whom sexually active. But my wife wanted to wait until marriage. Once married, it because clear that she simply did not enjoy sex. She participated out of a sense of obligation, but her lack of pleasure cut into my own pleasure, and over the years I just stopped trying. I've resorted to self-service for many years, but I long to GIVE pleasure, not just receive it. I truly believe that I love her, and that she loves me, but I'm dying here for unfulfilled needs.

Dan Savage, sex and relationship columnist for Seattle's newspaper, The Stranger, says this, and I'm paraphrasing. "Cheating is wrong. But so to denying one's partner's sexual needs is wrong, as it denying one's own sexual needs is wrong. Finally, leaving an otherwise great relationship may very well be wrong. So when facing a choice of only wrongs, it's conceivable that cheating may be less wrong than the others."

So that is where I am. On the threshold.

[jilljames8184]

This may seem off the wall....but it appears you two have discussed the issue at length. Ask her to help you find someone for sexual release only, no emotional attachment. See if she has a female friend that help you. Ask her to watch so it would not feel like cheating. You may be surprised at her response!

[SexlessInSeattle]

I appreciate your suggestion, Jill. But I've seen her response to her father's infidelity. It appears to me that her mother may very well be a asexual as her, and the discovery of her father's taking a lover (he wasn't very good at keeping it discreet) is a good indication how far asking for such permission would go. No, I see my choices are leaving her, finding a woman in the same situation, or accepting a life without sex.