[Hugo-B]

Element, it sounds like your boyfriend has quite a mature and relaxed attitude towards sex, and likely matured faster (physically and emotionally) than other men his age. He id probably above average in the looks department and more perceptive than average - the typical women is four times more perceptive than the typical man - men like this are obviously MUCH more better at reading the subtle signs women give off to men which go completely over most mens heads - I'm better than I was but I was useless when I was younger, hence my lack of success with women during my youth.


I didn't start experimenting with S&M until my late twenties and it's only over the last year since I've been with my current girlfriend that I've really got into it.

I'm off to the gym, no time for a long post right now! Element, to be continued...

[Hugo-B]

Where my predictions correct?

One last question (I'm drunk and off to sleep in a second), were at least one of his parents/guardians violent/abusive? (no offense, don't answer if you don't feel comfortable).

[Element]

Yes buddhaboy, your predictions are correct. One of the things I love about him is that he is incredibly intelligent, open minded and listens. We have hit subjects that we do not agree on each others takes on it, but we respect one another and agree to disagree and keep moving on. He is man enough to admit when he is wrong and takes the time to think things through. He doesn't like acting upon impulsive anger and does his best to try and understand where another person is coming from.

Whilst he is a ginger and was met with much hostility by classmates all while growing up, (I'm talking being mentally, emotionally and physically abused ever day by them and he eventually learned how to fight so he'd stop getting beaten up)he has electric blue eyes and a smile to make your heart melt, his son also inherited this and knows how to use it. His parents were not abusive, but his mother is a whole new level of selfish, a leech in every sense of the manner and down right lazy to the point of trying to treat my boyfriend and his son as if they are her errand boys.

I have talked to him about how I feel that I am not on his level sexually and he doesn't like that I feel this way. He continues to tell me that it doesn't matter and all that matters is the person one is with, meaning that him and I are together and nothing else matters. I take it to heart and it does make me feel better, but there are still moments where I wish I knew more and was capable of more.

[Hugo-B]

Yes buddhaboy, your predictions are correct. One of the things I love about him is that he is incredibly intelligent, open minded and listens. We have hit subjects that we do not agree on each others takes on it, but we respect one another and agree to disagree and keep moving on. He is man enough to admit when he is wrong and takes the time to think things through. He doesn't like acting upon impulsive anger and does his best to try and understand where another person is coming from.

Whilst he is a ginger and was met with much hostility by classmates all while growing up, (I'm talking being mentally, emotionally and physically abused ever day by them and he eventually learned how to fight so he'd stop getting beaten up)he has electric blue eyes and a smile to make your heart melt, his son also inherited this and knows how to use it. His parents were not abusive, but his mother is a whole new level of selfish, a leech in every sense of the manner and down right lazy to the point of trying to treat my boyfriend and his son as if they are her errand boys.

I have talked to him about how I feel that I am not on his level sexually and he doesn't like that I feel this way. He continues to tell me that it doesn't matter and all that matters is the person one is with, meaning that him and I are together and nothing else matters. I take it to heart and it does make me feel better, but there are still moments where I wish I knew more and was capable of more.

Being met with hostility on a daily basis likely led him to (by virtue of necessity) become more perceptive for his own safety and well being. I always used to get teased for being chubby, it's not nice. He probably became more perceptive by having to learn to read his mother pretty quickly so he could try and keep one step ahead of her and her mood swings. If she was emotionally absent then this may have led him to looking for affection from other women, not to mention the fact it made him have to grow up faster than normal. It sounds like the one thing you may be offering your BF no other woman ever has is love, affection, and security. We all know that this is, in its genuine form is hard come by and he's likely very grateful to you for it.

I don't think you'll totally extinguish those feelings of insecurity, sorry. As long as you are with your BF there always be (at least) the curiosity of wondering what sex will be like with another man.
I remember feeling like my first GF always had something on me I'd never have on her, though just remember no relationship is perfect. To look at matters objectively if you're both bringing each other to climax then there isn't THAT much more you can do, problems in the bedroom could still occur, a 30 year old man with nine previous partners could easily be suffering from common sexual problems like ED and PE, whilst you're reaping a gratuitous benefit from the experience he's required. It does seem that, based on the type of guy he is that his various character attributes and personality traits combined would give him a natural aptitude towards being a good lover.

Examining the flip-side of your situation, I think there is more potential for complications when the man is the less experienced of the two, as the most common sexual problem for an inexperienced man - premature ejaculation - will just bring the sex to a very abrupt ending well before either lovers are ready which can be very frustrating. If you were to sleep with another man your own age there is a very good chance you'll encounter something like this, and whilst it can be overcome by the cooperation of both partners (and sometimes the women isn't prepared to cooperate) it's certainly a problem NO man wants to have to work through.

By saying you (sometimes) wish you were 'capable' of more, I interpret that as meaning you wish you had a few tricks you'd acquired in a previous relationship you could use to impress him with? Just to feel like you've got an extra something to offer him in return for what he gives you to 'even' the playing field. well, one things for sure, the playing fields are only even in heaven, and as far as the problems you have go, I think they could be a lot worse. The great news is that you can easily learn to do things which will please your man without needing to sleep with anyone else.

When I was with my second proper GF I was keen to treat her since I was relatively inexperienced for my age so I bought a couple of good books on sex and studied a couple of 'techniques' she was pleased but accused me of cheating on her!

A lot of men are also possessive by nature and would much prefer to be in the position of you and your BF, if he's the jealous type (which I suspect he may not be as he sounds like he has quite a mature grasp of things) then he'd definitely prefer it. One really intimate thing you could start doing together, and this is the next thing I want to learn if me and my GF ever get time, is tantric sex. There is a great book called the 'multi orgasmic couple', (speaking from experience from someone who's been in your situation) I know it is particularly special to share something you've both never done before, that's what makes it so difficult for the less experienced party, you're sharing your most intimate moments with someone and you know they've already shared theirs before with someone else. You mentioned S&M, there are probably plenty of new things you could share which neither of you have done before if S&M is something you both enjoy.

This is exactly what I do, I like to share something I've never done before with each partner, my first GF I lost my virginity to, second proper GF is the only girl I've had anal sex with (I only did it for her, I didn't like it much) and my third proper GF I'm with now is the first girl I've done proper S&M with. I think it's important to share something new and intimate with each partner.

All in all it sounds like a good relationship, the fact he's describing you as 'insatiable' tells me you're definitely keeping him on his toes! You describe as a sincere guy, so I would be inclined to believe him when he tells you how much you mean to him, it sounds like you compliment each other very well.

[Element]

Thank you, buddhaboy, your words mean a lot to me. And you hit a lot of things on the nose for me. I will research a bit on the tantric sex and bring it up to him and see if it's something he'd like to try with me.

As for the S&M, as I said he is a bit of dom and learning more about this is something I have been trying to do. Whilst I always enjoy what we do the bedroom, I've been looking for a forum for other submissives so I could talk to some people, get some information, tidbits. But it seems to be a hard find.

I've never contemplated having sex with anyone else. I love that he is my first and only and what I experience, feel, learn, only occurs with him and only he knows that side of me. I've shared this with him and he is honored by it. I know it's only my head to wish that I was more for him. I think it does show how much that I love him and it doesn't over take us. I guess I can compare to wanting to give someone you care about a gift, but you just quite can't.

[Hugo-B]

I've also searched for BDSM information on the net and I didn't come across much which was too helpful but encountered quite a lot of useless junk and websites where people register their 'slaves'; I'm an each to their own kind of guy but I'm not interested in all that, if I want my GF to be my slave it doesn't need registering online, that I'm sure of.

Information on tantric sex as I said is much easier come by; also, as your BF gets older and his refractory time decreases tantric will become more and more useful as it encourages you to ejaculate much less often, once a week is recommended for a man mine and your BF's age. I practiced it a while back and went a week having sex and not letting myself ejaculate (though a man CAN orgasm without ejaculate, tantric is how men have multiple orgasms ;-) was interesting to say the least. All you need is that one book, the multi orgasmic couple.

As for the S&M, if he is a 'dom' then that would need to make you his sub, correct? This doesn't mean he would be fundamentally opposed to you dominating him, but you could certainly treat him by letting him treat you like his slave, tie you up (Ann Summers do this great stuff called 'Bondage tape' me and my GF use it, it's really safe, easy to use and clean) etc. It's all about control, dominance and you reciprocating with obedience. It's highly personal between the two of you and requires a great deal of trust, respect, and communication so no boundaries are crossed. I'm sure if you bought a couple of those S&M erotic novels you'd get some good ideas! Another good book called the 'big book of getting it on' or the 'couples guide to getting it on' talks about pretty much everything you can think of, and may interest you.

Remember for men (and we're simple creatures) a new set of sexy underwear and maybe your heels on is more than enough to keep us happy!

It's way past my bedtime, to be continued...

[Element]

Yeah, I'm just looking to talk to others in the genre, not register as anything. Which is why since this is all new to me I've just wanted to get some more information, tid bits, talk to some people about it, get some ideas. But yes, we have found that I am a submissive to him. And we already have some rope. That of which I always have to ask to use because he's afraid of it hurting me. Last time we used it I got a little bruised and every day he was looking over my wrists and asking me about them until it was healed. I'm hoping he won't not want to use it again after that. He is quite protective. But bedroom behavior doesn't define our every day behavior. Whilst he does have the dom behavior to him, he knows that we are only dating right now, he only has certain rights to me as my boyfriend and I as his girlfriend. We had the conversation that it was 90 degrees out and he didn't want anyone going outside. I teased him that if I went outside, would he yank me back in? He said that he wasn't letting his son out (understandable) and he doesn't control me, but he would prefer that I stay inside.

He's extremely respectable, even in the bedroom and when his dom side is kicking in, he'll ask if I want him to use me as his toy (we don't use the term slave) and if I agree, we know that I'm handing over all control to him. Sometimes I will 'act up' nip at him a little or just misbehave a little and he'll give me a dom look, or pull my hair and hold it tight and tell me to be a good girl and kiss me, then let me go. Like I've said, it's not 100% of our personalities. How one acts in the bedroom isn't how they are in every second of every day. But it's always there in subtleties.

I'll uh, reply again later. The boyfriend just tried to snap his headphones in half, so he's ****ed off right now.

[Hugo-B]

Rope burn doesn't sound fun. Try that bondage tape I mentioned, you'll have no problems with it - no marks, no burns - nothing. Just google 'ann summers bondage tape'. The only other thing is to wrap something around your wrists under the rope to protect the skin, chains would actually damage the skin less, if at all and feel nicer (at least to me). You can also buy silk/satin restraints/rope which wont cause those problems. Search for 'love honey', they do everything.

I agree with developing your own terms and expressions, there is NOTHING restricting you t use the term 'slave' or whatever, me and my GF use the term '*****', which actually doesn't sound as nice as 'toy' but suits us fine, again this is a choice which only needs to be made by the two of you.

A game I played with my ex was I'd put a dog's collar and lead round her neck, (whilst she was 'dressed up') and put her rabbit on the floor (on a clean sheet of kitchen paper) on the other side of the room and walk her over on her hands and knees (like she was a dog), then make her pick it up with her mouth and put in in my hand. Then I'd make her sit up and beg with her tongue out before 'walking' her back into the bedroom so I could use it on her as a 'reward', then we'd let things run their course from there... the only limit really is what you can imagine and it's great to have the level of trust, respect and intimacy to be able to share this with someone. This may sound horrific to someone - and i would be if it was imposed humiliation but as a mutually consensual act I can attest it is a highly erotic and intimate thing to do with someone, and will certainly strengthen the bond between the two of you.

I agree about personalities outside of the bedroom being different, but it's a lot of fun allowing a tiny bit to 'spill over' into everyday life by flashing each other little looks, or subtly dropping words into conversations which remind you both of the unique bond shared between the two of you.

[Quest]

There are two issues for me, neither of which is relevant to me compareing myself to anyone else. There is the issue of me dislikeing that another males semen has touched a hypothetical girl I am in a relationship with and me dislikeing her actions for idelogical reasons(depending upon the number of partners she has had and how quickly she decides to have sex with them). Also I don't have proof of this but I suspect there are mental changes in those who have had more partners, that is to say I suspect their ability to stay faithfull and commitment is weakend in those who have more sexual partners(as in brain wise).

I certainly believe in the freedom for a person to have sex with as many partners as they want but I'm not going to view the person the same way when it comes to a close relationship.

[Element]

Past experiences are exactly that, the past. Who a person was in a past life isn't necessarily who we are in a current life. People are suppose to learn, grow, become smarter, better, wiser. And we do that through learning. Sometimes people do have to learn the hard way; through their own mistakes. Sometimes we learn from seeing or hearing about others choices.

I only date people upon the compatibility of who I am in that current life. Someone I dated 5 years ago isn't who I would date right now because I am no longer that person. That's why finding another being to spend the rest of your life with, to change along side of; is difficult. Marrying even at 30 years old, you can't say you will be the exact same person at 60 years old. You will experience things in life, you will learn new things. Being able to keep loving someone, see them as the light of your day, the sexiest person in the room; isn't an easy feat.

I'm not saying that you have to date around, that you have to sleep with many people. But I do understand having previous partners. I understand that my boyfriend having had one night stands before is not who he is now. He would not and could not do it. He is not that person anymore. I don't wish to be viewed for who I was, but for who I am. So I don't do it to other people.

I have a girlfriend who is 27 years old, and has slept with 31 men so far. When she does finally meet the man that she will marry, she will have to explain all of that to him. I suspect it will not be an easy conversation, but it is one that will happen. So thinking long and hard about if you want to sleep with someone because you care about them, or because you'd had a few drinks, or you're just really horny; is a personal thought process one has with their self. Unfortunately, not everyone is taught this, some people learn it after many experiences, not all happy memories. What it comes down to is personal choice. And I personally tend to view a person for who they are now and who they are aiming to be.