[adviceanyone]

okay so i have been going out with this guy for about a month now, he is sweet and very good to me. however there is huge problem, i don't feel any passion and ecitement for him.

when we first began going out, i did not enjoy the way he kissed however after a while i did enjoy it. the other night we decided to have sex, and i felt nothing, i just wanted it to be over from the moment it started.. it was uncomfortable and i did not get into it at all. even when he fingered me, it did not feel good..
since i spent the night with him i have been avoiding seeing him again, he has asked to see me 3 times now and each time i have come up with an excuse not to see him..
even talking to him sometimes takes effort, the conversation does not flow easily at all..

will sex eventually get better or is this it? i don't know what to do. he keeps telling me how lucky he is to of met me and that he is crazy about me.. but i don't have the same feelings for him.. i like him but i just don't want to have sex with him again, it was awful. what is wrong with me?!? should i give it another go?

the other night my ex asked to see me to give me back my things and i said ok, the passion and excitement was still there and before i knew it one thing led to another and we slept with eachother. and as bad as it is, i enjoyed it very much. it was so fun. but i don't want to go back into a relationship with him, that was a one time thing and i told him i don't want to get back together.. being with my ex is like being with my best friend, only we have alot of sexual chemistry
i feel guilt but only because i know how much this new guy likes me. tell me what to do because i am all over the place..

[AshB$]

There's something he has for you that you don't for him. Passion. And possibly love.
Honestly in my opinion, a month is quite early to have sex. I don't believe you have to be married, but when having sex, don't you want to be in love with that person? It's something so sacred and special. It's NOTHING if you are just doing it with someone you don't care deeply for. Once again, my opinion.
If you want to enjoy it, you need to feel LOVE.
Maybe you enjoyed it with your ex because you have love for him still? I don't know.
But if you aren't interested in this new guy, DO NOT lead him on. That's not cool. You may like him, but if you aren't serious about it, do not get serious with him. That is playing him.

Do what you are comfortable with. What makes you happy. Sounds like this newer guy isn't your thing. Don't play him. Just do what feels right. I know you may be scared about hurting this guy's feelings. But you cannot lead him on.

Wish you luck!

[DreamP346]

What are you looking for? If you are just looking for a good time and not to get into a serious relationship, then move on. Why invest time and effort into something casual. It is possible to spend the time to develop a relationship. That's why arranged marriages work. People learn to have feelings. But there are no gauruntees. It sounds like you are just not into this guy. As it sounds like you just broke up with your ex, you may not be ready for a relationship. It's not a sexual issue. It's more about relationships.

[adviceanyone]

im totally lost.. i din't know who i am anymore, i am loosing myself. last night i went out, i just wanted to forget everything, forget my ex , forget this new guy but i couldn't... the new guy kept calling, texting, wanting me to come see him after i finished going out.. i couldn't hack it, so i ended up turning my phone off and throwing it in the bushes just to avoid having to see him... i found my phone this morning and i turned it on only to find that he had been texting all night.. i called him and made up some ******** story, he immediately came to see me and i made out like i was really tired and he said he is going to come see me later.. im not this type of person, i don't usally go out, get wild or anything.. i was a good girl, i gave my ex everything, i tried to make him happy , not even caring if i wasn't.. how do i begin again? im not the same girl i was a few months ago. my ex meant everything to me. i just want to runaway!!!

[jns]

Possibly sex will get better but you have to open up for that to happen (he has to be good, too). Since you are on the rebound, it might take some time.

[MissNorty]

I think you should end it with him... It sounds like you were not keen on him from the first kiss! And you can even hold a convo with him, you say "but i don't have the same feelings for him"... IMO the sex is not going to work if there is no sexual chemistry, attraction to him. Trust me I've been exactly there, i kept leading my ex , purely because I didn't have the guts to end it.. It just makes it harder!! To me he sounds a bit clingy or just really really likes you! texting, calling constantly? And you've only been seeing him for 1 month!

On the other hand, having a re - think.. If you do like him.. Give him another chance, and stop comparing him to your ex, but I wouldn't lead him on any further if the feelings arnt there...

[oxy-moron]

Hi
To me it sounds like you have not gotten over your ex. At some level - possibly subconsciously you are still in love with him.
No other man will be able to meet you expectations till you overcome your feelings for ex.
Having a quick fling with the ex will just prolong your misery. By being away from him for a while you will have forgotten his shortcomings.
You could yoyo like this for a long time. Possibly take a break from men till you have overcome your feelings for your old relationship.
Any other person who cares about you romantically will just get hurt.

[Lady Syrinx]

My guess is that if you jumped into sex after a month you may experiencing some level of guilt. An important thing to consider
the circumstances of the experience, I think love is incredibly important, did your boyfriend pressure you in any way?

I'm going use my my first time as an object lesson. We were both virgins, so there was none of the pressure of from either of our sexual pasts. But that wasn't terribly important in the big picture. My boyfriend (now husband) never once put any kind of pressure on me. In fact he was hyper-vigilant about making sure it was my decision, That was when I knew he truly loved me. We had sex the summer after my senior year in high school (he graduated the previous year) we had been together just over a year. I know I probably sound like a PSA. But all of this made it special, and that's the one thing your first time should be, I completely understamd that most guys are not like my husband.