[BanAnna03]

Hi,
I am sorry if I am burdening anyone. But, i just had sex for the first time, and it was when i was slightly inebriated and the reason i did it in my head was because the guy was really sweet and went really slow.

But, now he's calling me/texting me all the time. And he's making me feel like i did it on purpose. I didn't do anything on purpose. I wanted to have sex. And i did. He wanted to have sex. And he did. And i also feel alone because he's labeling me right off the bat as "a girl who goes to bars, tells guys that she has a connection with them, sleep with him, then never wants to see them again." And i would ask my therapist for help, but she's not answering my calls.

I just need to know and understand that I did it for my own reasons, and that labeling me as a prototype and my story is unfair and incredibly judgmental. Does anyone agree with me/can empathize with me? I feel really confused as it is...

[Little]

Whoa, what is this dude's problem?

You're entitled to have sex for whatever reason you want ... so long as both you and your partner consent to it and are of the age to legally consent. Certainly you had sex on purpose - you didn't slip on a banana peel and fall vulva-first onto his penis. But did you hurt his feelings on purpose? Did you discuss white picket fences and how many puppies you'd own together, or otherwise make promises to be together in the future? Probably not.

His problems are his own problems. And yours are yours. If you felt like you had a connection with this guy but don't have that connection anymore, forget his number and move on and don't let him bother you anymore. Certainly don't let him give you the guilt trip.

[Quest]

I think he had some faulty expectations considering the circumstances under which you both had sex. It is kind of ironic because it's thought that normally the girl is the one who wanted a relationship while the guy is the one who wanted to have sex and move on.

[DreamP346]

I am confused by your story. Is this guy calling because he wants to see you again or is he calling and calling you names? If the first, that is pretty reasonable. You just have to tell him that you had a great time but you are not looking for a relationship. There is nothing wrong with that. If its the latter, then that's a whole other issue. You want to get as far away from this guy as possible.

[jns]

Forget this guy. His trying to make you out as a bad person because you won't become his new best friend is over the top. I can see a person getting caught up in the feelings and excitement of first time sex wanting to call, compare notes and do it again; but trying to guilt trip you to get his way is controlling.

[SaharaJim]

jns is so much more polite than I am. You choose to engage in sex by mutual agreement. And he is having a pouting fit because he isn't getting a "return engagement"? HE needs to "grow up". Unless you and he made specific agreements as to what the sexual act said as to your "relationship" status; he is acting like a spoiled child wanting two deserts. As I said jns is much more polite than I: I would have told him to ....something... off!

[Hugo-B]

^ What the others say. How can a girl who was a virgin be 'the type of girl who sleeps around"? He has no merit and no tenable argument, what's he going to say, 'I slept with a virgin, OMG, she's so promiscuous'. This guy is an A-hole of the finest pedigree. Let me apologize on behalf of my gender for such an unfortunate introduction into the world of meeting men and sleeping with them.

My interpretation of your post is he is now calling you, and calling you unkind names because you haven't agreed to a 'round 2' with him. Any man who will use moral and emotional blackmail to try a make a girl sleep with him is a manipulator, and a tool; he is especially culpable considering your lack of experience (no offense) and your alcohol consumption. A man and woman meeting and having consensual sex is not illegal. Either party deciding to cut contact/not pursue a relationship/not have sex again, is not illegal. Harassment, defamation of character and slander is actually approaching unlawful territory.

The unfortunate truth is that many, many men are no where near as cool as me and JNS, and cannot handle rejection well (in any way, shape, or form), this makes life more awkward for everyone, but I'm afraid it is the way life is and things are unlikely to change any time soon.

I would treat this as a valuable learning experience, be sure top vet potential suitors more carefully next time.

Good luck, better luck next time, and don't feel guilty.

[Hugo-B]

jns is so much more polite than I am. You choose to engage in sex by mutual agreement. And he is having a pouting fit because he isn't getting a "return engagement"? HE needs to "grow up". Unless you and he made specific agreements as to what the sexual act said as to your "relationship" status; he is acting like a spoiled child wanting two deserts. As I said jns is much more polite than I: I would have told him to ....something... off!

HAHA - "pouting fit" I like that, I shall have to remember to use it!

[SaharaJim]

glad I could bring a smile to your day buddhaboy