[xosmann]

I am 41 and my boyfriend is 39. I am having a difficult time with him in the bedroom and need your help. His idea of foreplay is stimulating my clitoris with his finger and my stimulating his penis with my hand (while laying on our backs, side by side). I find this to be boring and tried doing other things to stimulate him (kissing him slowly & gently from his neck downward), but he says it tickles. So after trying different ways (oral sex included) to stimulate him, I gave up because everything seems to tickle him. Since there's nothing I can do to arouse him, I've been telling him what I like and what I want him to do to me including oral sex and he says he doesn't do that. I don't know what else to do. Please help me!

[Element]

Have you two talked about what works for each person? Back ground info of what he's tried and liked, didn't like?

Exploring each others bodies is a part of the whole fun, so maybe start off with some kissing, him playing with your chest or behind (depending on his preference and yours), then just go from there. Kiss, stroke and nibble on his ears, neck, collar bone, back, sides, thighs, just explore and watch his reactions.

I'm a ticklish person, but once I get aroused, I'm no longer ticklish. So I guess maybe you can try getting him hard and aroused, then doing some more foreplay to see what works for him.

I think a sit down is needed for you two most of all. Talk about how promiscuous of a past he has, if any at all. Maybe all he's had was prudish vanilla sex. You two both need to be comfortable with each others bodies, so perhaps a night of "exploring" for you both would be good for you two. Let him know what you want, what you like, what you'd like to try. Guide his hands and his mouth, let him know what works, if he needs to alter a little bit what he's doing.

Just remind him it's not just about him getting off, you have to enjoy it as well.

[Hugo-B]

What's foreplay?

[Claret]

Good question. How about a nice Vera Wang diamond ring? LOL

[Claret]

In all seriousness, foreplay can be sight, sound, touch, feel, music, art warmth, connectivity to that person on a level other than daily living. It's wanting, needing, giving and taking.

[Hugo-B]

I think Element is spot on here. More information would help:

how long have you been together?

What is his background, religious, divorced?

Is this guy quite insecure about his body? If he is that shouldn't stop him from giving you attention, unless a lack of experience or some kind of insecurity is preventing this, as Element pinpointed.

Does he say BJ's tickle, Is he uncircumcised?

[jns]

At 39, I don't think you will be changing him much. It seems to me that what you want is different than what he wants. Maybe it would be best to find someone with similar likes and dislikes in the bedroom.

[notlikethenormal]

As other posters mentioned I would suggest sitting down and having that talk about what you both like.

Personally my boyfriend and I can't communicate about sex face to face very well... seems he can open up when talking in a text message but not in person. Like it intimadates him that I'm face to face with him expecting an answer... So text works better for us. Maybe you could try it? just to open the lines of communication??

After that communication is open... I suggest arousing him by not touching him at all... let him watch you...