[chachkalica]

I've been with my boyfriend for a year now. We have sex every day. Although I feel its always about him. We do it when he wants it and only so he can get off. I have orgasmed twice with him during our whole relationship. It doesn't bother me that he won't focus on how to make it feel good for me or complying with my requests when I ask him to do something, its always how he wants it. My solution to that has been masturbation and porn when I need to be satisfied which I guess is fair enough... lately he has been growling at me for even doing that and now I feel very upset and frustrated because I'm not enjoying anything anymore and I feel really guilty to please myself. I have tried to talk to him about it but my words fall on deaf ears. What should I do?

[jns]

It sounds like he really is selfish and also controlling. Can you continue to live this way? What would you like him to do to satisfy you?

[chachkalica]

I don't expect anything from him. He doesn't have to do anything, but it hurts that he doesn't let me climax even by myself. I'm not sure if I can continue like this because I feel that every day that goes past there's something new that irritates him about me. I don't know if its just a phase and he'll get over it or if its just going to build up and get worse.

[DreamP346]

It's not a phase. It's probably his true personality coming out. Have you tried with holding sex from him or not going it the way he wants to? Give him a taste of his own medicine.

[JonDoe]

It's not a phase. It is a personality trait, a show of one's true character. Some people are more giving of themselves and compassionate towards others, some are much more self serving. Talk to him about it from your point of view. He should be equally interested in pleasing you in and out of the bedroom.

My wife is the same way, she wants to be pampered in and out of the bedroom, but she thinks that her level of effort in the bedroom should be no more than being present and wet, perhaps with the help of lube on occasion. Outside the bedroom she never asks what I'd like to do or what show I'd like to watch.

Don't think it will merely pass because it won't without communication and a willing from him to change and put your first as much as he puts himself first.

[shoshannah]

This isn't a healthy relationship. he sounds both selfish and controlling.

I'd start by telling him what you've told us. If he doesn't take the hint that you need him do do more about satisfying your needs, then quit giving him sex, and tell him it's off the table until he addresses the issue. If he refuses to address the issue, then you may want to evaluate your relationship and decide whether you really want to stay with him under those circumstances.

[Guest]

Leave!

It doesn't bother me that he won't focus on how to make it feel good for me or complying with my requests when I ask him to do something, its always how he wants it.

Yes it does bother you or you wouldn't have mentioned it.

Stop kidding yourself and making excuses. He's obviously self centered and selfish. Is that what you want? If not, make the hard choice and either move out and break up or break up.

This is the best it's ever going to be...right now....just like it is today. Don't think/hope/pray/expect it to get better...it won't.

One man's opinion...

[Guest]

I've been with my boyfriend for a year now. We have sex every day. Although I feel its always about him. We do it when he wants it and only so he can get off. I have orgasmed twice with him during our whole relationship. It doesn't bother me that he won't focus on how to make it feel good for me or complying with my requests when I ask him to do something, its always how he wants it. My solution to that has been masturbation and porn when I need to be satisfied which I guess is fair enough... lately he has been growling at me for even doing that and now I feel very upset and frustrated because I'm not enjoying anything anymore and I feel really guilty to please myself. I have tried to talk to him about it but my words fall on deaf ears. What should I do?

In reading your post I kept thinking why would anyone subject themselves to such abuse. You might ask yourself a question" do I really deserve this" If you really believe no I don't deserve this, the way to resolve the issue will become very clear to you.