Desperate For Help: Sex does not feel as good as it had in the past.
Hello, ladies.
I apologize in advance if this will be quite the long post, but I have no one to turn to for advice, and so I'm hoping with most of the details, someone may be able to help.
I have just turned 22, been dating my man for 4 years and we have just moved in together in July. He is the only person I have ever been with, and we have always had an amazing sex life.
At the end of June, my doctor advised me to stop taking Alese (birth control) due to the fact that I have not had my period in several months (not pregnant). After a month off the pill, I had my period for a week, then three days later, had a second period.
I do have a history of severe depression and lately have been feeling worse and yet better. Some may perhaps say that I'm feeling better because I'm numb to most situations now, but in my eyes, I feel as though everything's fine and that I am not depressed, but my man begs to differ. He fears I am depressed to such an extreme that I'm simply gliding along the surface.
At the age of 18-19, in approximately 8 months, I gained 90 pounds, which brought me up to 180-190 pounds. My doctor and I have done tests, results lead us to believe that I suffered from severe Hypothyroidism, then a second test resulted in her telling me that everything is fine and the weight gain is my fault. These tests took a long time to complete and so, I've been struggling and trying to lose weight for the past 3 years, though when I had originally gained weight, I was extremely active [to the degree that I rarely stayed still]. I am still active, but not as much as I used to. My doctor also believes that I am having difficulties because I have POS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome), which she just so casually mentioned.
I have had ovarian cysts, kidney infections, seizure and concussions in the past (in case that information is of any use). And when I spoke to my doctor about all of my problems with severe mood swings, black-outs, forgetfulness, etc, she just wrote it off. And when I told her that I am sexually active, she gave me the dirtiest look, and in polite terms, called me a **** saying once I go off the pill, although it'll be difficult for me, but I have to ensure I do not get pregnant (I've never been pregnant in my life) and to not have sex, especially not with multiple partners (again, I have only ever had one partner my entire life, and I am still happily with him).
And lastly, factors which also tie into my depression is that after College, I have had less of a social life and went from being the popular girl, to the girl everyone ignores and rarely invites out. I'm the best friend when someone needs something, and then invisible when they no longer require my help. Everyone considers me as the therapist, and to say most of my "friends" take advantage of that, is an understatement. I love to help, but when people only speak to me because they need advice, money, a place to stay, a buffer, etc, I grow tired of it.
Being the "therapist" has also taken quite a toll on me in this case. My parents have been together since they were 11, have never been with anyone else their entire lives (romantically and or sexually) and after being together for 34 years, they're beginning to split up. They have been unhappy for a few years, but it has progressively gotten worse in the past several months. A few weeks after I moved out, my father did as well. My parents still talk daily, don't really argue, and they do still love each other and want to be together, but they simply are not on the same page anymore and cannot be together too long without getting frustrated. So, BOTH of my parents have turned to me as their "marriage guru", despite the fact that I am not yet married myself. I work with my mother during the week, and I work with my father on weekends (I am a singer, he is my manager and sound engineer), so I am with them both all the time. I don't mind helping them, but to hear them both say things like "I love him/her, but I just can't do it anymore." is breaking me apart. I show no signs of emotion, give them both unbiased advice, tell them the sometimes brutal truth, stay strong and break down in tears once they leave.
So, with all that in mind... For the past few weeks, my boyfriend and I have been having complications in the bedroom, which is definitely uncharted territory for us. At first, we assumed it was because I was off the pill, just had my period, then had a second period, etc. for I was feeling rather (for lack of better terms) numb. I could feel his touch, and although it felt good, it just wasn't completely pleasant. Over time, I've slowly begun regaining the pleasurable sensation, but I'm still not anywhere near to the climax I used to hit. It's passionate, he knows exactly what I like, we take part in foreplay, different positions, oral sex and intercourse, but that's just it - it feels good and that's about it. Only once in the past month or so have I been able to climax to the point of no return, but the rest of the time, sex just simply does not feel quite as intense as it had for the past 4 years.
The sudden change in pleasure is certainly scaring us both. He worries that it may have to do with the fact that I'm self conscious about my weight, that I am not sexually attracted to him anymore, that I want something or someone different or that I do not love him anymore. He is the most understanding person you will ever encounter, and for him to begin to worry, is extremely unusual and makes me worry even more (and I'm the type to be paranoid over any little thing). I tend to think it may be that I'm unhappy with myself physically, emotionally and mentally. I've gone from living my life thinking one way, to suddenly beginning to change and am finding myself taking a new path. Life has taken a great toll on me, and I hate myself for letting such trivial things seem like the end of the world when my life is nowhere near difficult. I feel alone and as if no one cares about me, although I know I do have true friends to support me. My parents potentially breaking up is definitely causing a lot of friction in my life, but I don't really feel the impact that it seems to actually be having. All in all, I love my boyfriend dearly. He is my rock, my best friend, my support, my strength, my laughter, my future... He saved my life (literally), adores me to pieces, would do absolutely anything for me and would never hurt me in the least. I cannot see myself spending a moment without him. And yet, when we are the closest, it doesn't feel the way it had.
Could it just be that although I feel perfectly fine, underneath it all I am truly overwhelmed by everything going on around me? Is there something wrong with me physically or mentally? Perhaps there's a problem with our relationship that I'm just not seeing? Although I am becoming less "numb", I simply don't understand why sex doesn't feel as good as it has in the past. We used to be so surprised when sex would keep getting better and better, then suddenly, I fell off a cliff without warning. I cannot speak to my friends, because they aren't the type to be good for advice, or they would tell everyone. I cannot speak to either of my parents (only child, sex talk is a wonderful shade of taboo) and even my doctor is too ignorant to push aside her own feelings to speak to me. My boyfriend is the person I always go to for anything and or everything, but he doesn't know what to do this time (which is rare), and this is taking too much of a toll on him to try to help.
Does anyone see anything I'm missing? Please... I don't know what to do, I have no where to turn.
Again, I apologize for the novel-like post. I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read and respond, I truly do!
I apologize in advance if this will be quite the long post, but I have no one to turn to for advice, and so I'm hoping with most of the details, someone may be able to help.
I have just turned 22, been dating my man for 4 years and we have just moved in together in July. He is the only person I have ever been with, and we have always had an amazing sex life.
At the end of June, my doctor advised me to stop taking Alese (birth control) due to the fact that I have not had my period in several months (not pregnant). After a month off the pill, I had my period for a week, then three days later, had a second period.
I do have a history of severe depression and lately have been feeling worse and yet better. Some may perhaps say that I'm feeling better because I'm numb to most situations now, but in my eyes, I feel as though everything's fine and that I am not depressed, but my man begs to differ. He fears I am depressed to such an extreme that I'm simply gliding along the surface.
At the age of 18-19, in approximately 8 months, I gained 90 pounds, which brought me up to 180-190 pounds. My doctor and I have done tests, results lead us to believe that I suffered from severe Hypothyroidism, then a second test resulted in her telling me that everything is fine and the weight gain is my fault. These tests took a long time to complete and so, I've been struggling and trying to lose weight for the past 3 years, though when I had originally gained weight, I was extremely active [to the degree that I rarely stayed still]. I am still active, but not as much as I used to. My doctor also believes that I am having difficulties because I have POS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome), which she just so casually mentioned.
I have had ovarian cysts, kidney infections, seizure and concussions in the past (in case that information is of any use). And when I spoke to my doctor about all of my problems with severe mood swings, black-outs, forgetfulness, etc, she just wrote it off. And when I told her that I am sexually active, she gave me the dirtiest look, and in polite terms, called me a **** saying once I go off the pill, although it'll be difficult for me, but I have to ensure I do not get pregnant (I've never been pregnant in my life) and to not have sex, especially not with multiple partners (again, I have only ever had one partner my entire life, and I am still happily with him).
And lastly, factors which also tie into my depression is that after College, I have had less of a social life and went from being the popular girl, to the girl everyone ignores and rarely invites out. I'm the best friend when someone needs something, and then invisible when they no longer require my help. Everyone considers me as the therapist, and to say most of my "friends" take advantage of that, is an understatement. I love to help, but when people only speak to me because they need advice, money, a place to stay, a buffer, etc, I grow tired of it.
Being the "therapist" has also taken quite a toll on me in this case. My parents have been together since they were 11, have never been with anyone else their entire lives (romantically and or sexually) and after being together for 34 years, they're beginning to split up. They have been unhappy for a few years, but it has progressively gotten worse in the past several months. A few weeks after I moved out, my father did as well. My parents still talk daily, don't really argue, and they do still love each other and want to be together, but they simply are not on the same page anymore and cannot be together too long without getting frustrated. So, BOTH of my parents have turned to me as their "marriage guru", despite the fact that I am not yet married myself. I work with my mother during the week, and I work with my father on weekends (I am a singer, he is my manager and sound engineer), so I am with them both all the time. I don't mind helping them, but to hear them both say things like "I love him/her, but I just can't do it anymore." is breaking me apart. I show no signs of emotion, give them both unbiased advice, tell them the sometimes brutal truth, stay strong and break down in tears once they leave.
So, with all that in mind... For the past few weeks, my boyfriend and I have been having complications in the bedroom, which is definitely uncharted territory for us. At first, we assumed it was because I was off the pill, just had my period, then had a second period, etc. for I was feeling rather (for lack of better terms) numb. I could feel his touch, and although it felt good, it just wasn't completely pleasant. Over time, I've slowly begun regaining the pleasurable sensation, but I'm still not anywhere near to the climax I used to hit. It's passionate, he knows exactly what I like, we take part in foreplay, different positions, oral sex and intercourse, but that's just it - it feels good and that's about it. Only once in the past month or so have I been able to climax to the point of no return, but the rest of the time, sex just simply does not feel quite as intense as it had for the past 4 years.
The sudden change in pleasure is certainly scaring us both. He worries that it may have to do with the fact that I'm self conscious about my weight, that I am not sexually attracted to him anymore, that I want something or someone different or that I do not love him anymore. He is the most understanding person you will ever encounter, and for him to begin to worry, is extremely unusual and makes me worry even more (and I'm the type to be paranoid over any little thing). I tend to think it may be that I'm unhappy with myself physically, emotionally and mentally. I've gone from living my life thinking one way, to suddenly beginning to change and am finding myself taking a new path. Life has taken a great toll on me, and I hate myself for letting such trivial things seem like the end of the world when my life is nowhere near difficult. I feel alone and as if no one cares about me, although I know I do have true friends to support me. My parents potentially breaking up is definitely causing a lot of friction in my life, but I don't really feel the impact that it seems to actually be having. All in all, I love my boyfriend dearly. He is my rock, my best friend, my support, my strength, my laughter, my future... He saved my life (literally), adores me to pieces, would do absolutely anything for me and would never hurt me in the least. I cannot see myself spending a moment without him. And yet, when we are the closest, it doesn't feel the way it had.
Could it just be that although I feel perfectly fine, underneath it all I am truly overwhelmed by everything going on around me? Is there something wrong with me physically or mentally? Perhaps there's a problem with our relationship that I'm just not seeing? Although I am becoming less "numb", I simply don't understand why sex doesn't feel as good as it has in the past. We used to be so surprised when sex would keep getting better and better, then suddenly, I fell off a cliff without warning. I cannot speak to my friends, because they aren't the type to be good for advice, or they would tell everyone. I cannot speak to either of my parents (only child, sex talk is a wonderful shade of taboo) and even my doctor is too ignorant to push aside her own feelings to speak to me. My boyfriend is the person I always go to for anything and or everything, but he doesn't know what to do this time (which is rare), and this is taking too much of a toll on him to try to help.
Does anyone see anything I'm missing? Please... I don't know what to do, I have no where to turn.
Again, I apologize for the novel-like post. I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read and respond, I truly do!
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