[hannahbear]

If I were to describe the sex me and my boyfriend have I would call it 'porn sex' because literally I get nothing out of it other than the actual intercourse. I give to all his needs, I blow him, I swollow, I ride him, I talk dirty to him, I let him put it in my ****** and just overall just make sure he is satisfied.
I on the otherhand just get touched, and I mean barely touched. He just lays next to me sometimes and rubs my clit for 5 minutes with a really blank look on his face and I just make him stop cause I just feel bad and like he's bored and doesn't want to do anything. He only puts his mouth or hands on my spots if I ask him to and to me that's just messed up.
He has gone down on me a few times, but I'm very bisexual and for a long time I was only having sex with girls, and so I love oral sex even if it's crappy.
I've tried talking to him about it, I told him I need it to be satisfied and I don't feel sexy when he doesn't touch me or do anything out of his own will. I love giving him head only because I like to pleasure him, not because of the actual act and he has seamed to take it as " you love giving me head, so you give me a lot of head. I don't really enjoy giving you head as much so I don't". But the thing is, I ALWAYS have to make myself cum. I never orgasm from his own doing.
He makes me feel really bad about wanting orgasm, since it's a lot of 'effort' for him to do it and he actually forgets about it.
I'm so frustrated right now. He has a lower sex drive than I do and I feel that gets in the way. But, it's hard for me to be any type of sexually satisfied when we do have sex if I'm always making myself orgasm, come on, if I wanted to make myself orgasm I would just masterbate!
I've been trying to get this across to him that sex is not all about him and it just seams to go right over his head.
But let me tell you guys this, I don't want any advice saying to break up with him because I'm not down to do that over sex, unless it doesn't change. I need advice to help make it change.
I'm shaved and clean and etc... so I've tried the basic stuff.
Also, I should state my bf does have a pretty bad case of ADHD and meds don't help.

[JonDoe]

First, let me say that as a guy, my situation is nearly the opposite of yours. My wife loves to receive oral, but she doesn't return the favor on her own will, and even when I ask for it, she doesn't put in the effort or show enthusiasm because it does nothing for her (her words not mine), which frustrates me to no end. So I feel your pain.

A few things come to mind with respect to your post. Either he truly doesn't enjoy giving a woman oral sex, perhaps it even turns him off, or else he is simply a selfish lover.

Has he ever mentioned that he is turned-off by giving oral sex to a woman? Did he have a bad experience that gave him an aversion to cunnilingus?

Do you think he might feel unsure whether he is doing it right? Many people shy away from things in life that they feel that they are lacking a required skill. For example, plenty of people shy away from dancing because they are afraid they might look silly. Personally, I can't think of anything better to practice and perfect then sexually pleasing the woman I love, but that's just me.

Is it possible that he feels that he has to compete with your former bisexual partners? He might be thinking that he cannot match their skills since they know what it feels like receiving oral as a woman.

Have you tried cutting back on giving him oral and doing the things he enjoys? How would he feel if you went a few weeks without giving him head? Or simply agree to give him head after he takes care of you first. It sounds like he is already getting everything he wants, perhaps there is simply no motivation for him to change.

Is he selfish in other areas of your relationship? Is he attentive outside the bedroom? Have you considered whether it is a deal breaker in a long term relationship?

More questions than answers, but there is no formula for making your partner change. He has to want to change and put forth the effort of his own free will.

[Guest]

He is, IMO, a selfish lover...period.

Buy him the following book, She Comes First by Ian Kerner Ph.D, and ask him to read it before you make LOVE the next time. There is a lot to be learned by any man from this book. I consider myself a better than average lover, primarily because I focus on my partner's desires/needs before my own, and I have learned a lot form this book. Dr. Kerner wrote a follow up book too, He Comes Second, but I know nothing about it.

I can't imagine not desiring/wanting to give my partner oral, or please my partner in almost anyway she desires. Afterall, isn'tthat what love/sex/intimacy is, at least, in part?

You can lead a horse to water.... And you can buy your husband the book...

[Serious_Thought]

Unfortunately I know exactly what you are experiencing. A lot of time has passed for you. I am curious to know if it got any better ???
My man is similar. He wants oral all the time and he is quick to show what he wants. I have mentioned my needs straight up several times. Six months has gone by and he has performed oral on me maybe twice. I even said I need it, and that was a time he took care of himself (using my body), didn't finish me and then said later "I don't know what happened...I was going to eat you". Hmmmm.. Since that time, 2 months have gone by. Today is "National No Panties Day". I didn't wear any. He knew it. He also knew that yesterday I asked him to take care of me.. that I requested tongue. Instead, yesterday he came out of the bedroom naked...called me in there... and placed my head on his ****... and finished ! He did not even take care of me after! It was my request.. what the F happened???? He knew I was upset and let down. Then today because of it, I guess I was withdrawn. No... I know I was withdrawn! He came out of the bedroom naked. This is his way of pointing out the fact he was hard and wanted something. Honestly, it is his way of having watched porn in the bathroom on his tablet, then got hard and came to get me. He finished his own job...using me. Then said..."later today I'm going to make you cum several times with my tongue". I just laying there, unfinished again, knowing it won't happen today because HE LIES. Maybe he has good intentions..So I wait to see. I even did the whole NO PANTIES day. He made comments that i didn't have any on two times.. BUT GUESS WHAT... YEP YOU GUESSED IT... It is 8 pm and he is snoring in bed. I started keeping a journal. That's not really a good idea either, because I already know this is something I have voiced and he has no intentions of caring..really caring. So, I guess... Ultimately, I'm prolonging the inevitable - I know this is going to end not well. This is not a good match. Even though every thing else is perfect. ****IF your partner really loves you, they would care about all of you, how you feel, how to please you, to share.**** So I already know my answer.

I was hoping you would answer your thread and say... It got better.. It got worse... You compromised together... Or, it was over. I was mostly curious.

[effy2014]

SeriousThought:

You would get responses to your questions if you posted your questions in your own thread. Asking for the OPs advice in a thread started 2 years ago will get you nowhere.

[jns]

Serious_Thought, if your man shows such little interest in getting you your pleasure, maybe it is time to get out and find someone who is interested in a more equal relationship.