[jenn8y]

Hey gals,

Is it normal if it really hurts the first time having sex? If so, how to overcome the pain?

[Element]

That depends on the woman. I can tell you from my own personal experience; the man must know how to break your hymen with one quick thrust. That made it easier, but it still hurt, and for a while. You're dealing with something being freshly broken and still being inside you as you deal with it. Just make sure that once he does break it, he doesn’t move, at all. Not until you say he can. As for overcoming the pain; try to not be tense. Focus on your breathing; even breaths. Calm your heart rate and try to focus on something else. Don't tense your muscles and you'll get acclimated faster. Out of anything, it’s just being ready, being “warmed up” and wanting to be with him. If you’re skeptical at all, then don’t do it.

[Hugo-B]

That depends on the woman. I can tell you from my own personal experience; the man must know how to break your hymen with one quick thrust. That made it easier, but it still hurt, and for a while. You're dealing with something being freshly broken and still being inside you as you deal with it. Just make sure that once he does break it, he doesn’t move, at all. Not until you say he can. As for overcoming the pain; try to not be tense. Focus on your breathing; even breaths. Calm your heart rate and try to focus on something else. Don't tense your muscles and you'll get acclimated faster. Out of anything, it’s just being ready, being “warmed up” and wanting to be with him. If you’re skeptical at all, then don’t do it.

I didn't know that, but I wouldn't have sex with a virgin unless we were 100% serious about each other.

[jenn8y]

I didn't know that, but I wouldn't have sex with a virgin unless we were 100% serious about each other.

what does it really mean?!?! please i wanna hear a man's view about this

[jns]

Some men would think of having sex with a virgin as a game and keep score. In keeping score they would not necessarily be concerned about the woman's pleasure or pain or emotions because that would not be their focus. Some men would want to have it as a control issue. They would the bonding of the relationship and being her first to control the woman.

Men who would want the best for the woman, would want it as a step in a full blown love relationship. They would not want to do it unless the woman would put it down as one of the best if not the best experience of her life. As such, if a woman came to such a guy and said that she was a virgin and she just wanted to get rid of her virginity because it was awkward to be a virgin and not be able to talk about the experience of sex and losing her virginity, that guy would turn her down. Even in a casual relationship. I think this is what bb was saying.

As far as it hurting, from other other threads and posts, losing one's virginity hurts for some women. Others not so much and even others not very much if at all. There is a lot of difference between the women and what they find painful. There is also a lot of difference in how much they are into the relationship and how much foreplay has gone on to get them prepared. There are things like fibroids and a tilted uterus that can cause problems. Some women are virgins, but don't have an intact hymen due to sports, horse riding or other reasons. Others can have an especially tough hymen that will resist breaking that is best treated medically. Guys come in a variety of sizes and shapes that can make a difference, too. Some guys will be gentle and others will be rough.

The girl finds who she thinks is the best guy for the job. The guy is who he is and acts accordingly. If I was the girl I would want to be in a loving relationship. But, at the end of the day, you place your bet and roll the dice. Nothing is assured.

[Element]

jns; well said. I've met men who refuse to sleep with a virgin because they see it as being too much. I've also met men who felt honored to be a woman's first and they remember them well. It all just depends on what kind of a man he is. At least the ones who don't want to sleep with virgins are up front about it and know that they can't handle it.

From my own experience, the initial break did hurt. But my man had told me before hand that he would break the hymen and not move until I was ready. And he followed through with his word, once the pain left we continued on. He was gentle, kind, and treated me with great respect. While I didn't get off, I did enjoy it. I did bleed, a bit more than I thought would happen. But I don't regret my man being my first and I've enjoyed being with him ever since and our relationship is doing well thus far.

There is no concrete fact that you'll be with your first for the rest of your life. So just make sure that your first time won't be a regret. If you have to wait, then wait. It'll be worth it once you find the right man who will treat you as a queen your first time around.

[Hugo-B]

From my own experience, the initial break did hurt. But my man had told me before hand that he would break the hymen and not move until I was ready. And he followed through with his word, once the pain left we continued on. He was gentle, kind, and treated me with great respect. While I didn't get off, I did enjoy it. I did bleed, a bit more than I thought would happen. But I don't regret my man being my first and I've enjoyed being with him ever since and our relationship is doing well thus far.

There is no concrete fact that you'll be with your first for the rest of your life. So just make sure that your first time won't be a regret. If you have to wait, then wait. It'll be worth it once you find the right man who will treat you as a queen your first time around.

Basically Jen8Y, I mean if I did it, I'd want it to be like this for the girl ^^^ not just a drunken blur or a causal one off. I have little experience with inexperienced girls, and have only fooled around with one virgin once, that's not because I don't like girls with less experince, it's just the way things happened. I started having sex quite late (19) and since the youngest girl I've slept with was a 21 year old last week, and I'm 32. What I meant also is that I'd want to make it as pleasurable as possible for her, and for me to do that I'd need some time to tune into her and her needs too, in short I'd need to learn because I'd want it to be more, much more about her than me. If a girl chooses you to be her first then I think she deserves more than a quick 'roll on roll off', I'd want to step up and make it not something she'd regret. No one forgets their first time, I hear so many girls telling stories about how awful the guy was and how much they wish they could turn back the clock; I'd hate to be remembered like that.

[jenn8y]

Thanks all a lot for your lovely replies!!

FYI there was no regrets. I think (and hope) he's quite a good guy. He just doesn't have much experience with virgins. He tried but it still hurt. So what I really wish to know is how to deal with the pain. Technically we didn't do anything because it hurt, so no moves at all. I, on the other hand, felt a bit guilty about that. I know first time can't be perfect but I was a bit nervous, also a little bit stiff. So it'd be great if you guys can help me out of this ^^