[Godiva1]

I've tried discussing it again with him as the same thing has happened again. He has said Im in the wrong to keep asking him, he doesn't know why hee doesn't try and il just have to leave it or he's breaking up with me.

[Godiva1]

He's said that talking about it is wrong and the best thing to do is just leave it to sort out on its own. The thing is even if he did put the effort in now it will feel forced and I won't be able to enjoy it when I feel like he doesn't and not know why he didn't want to in the first place.

[jane8505_lee]

I've been with my boyfriend for two and a half years, we are both 24 and we get on amazingly even though we're so different. We were friends for three years before we became a couple which I think has played a part in how we are together now. During the time we've been together we have had several break ups over stupid things however, we are now closer than ever and are very happy except for our sex life.

From the beginning we never really had a lot of sex but now it has got to the stage were it is only once every two months and then it is normally only when we have been drinking.

After we had been together for three months I spoke to my boyfriend about the fact I wasn't orgasming during sex, but made sure I told him no one before him had mae me orgasm during sex either and I told him that I wanted him to pay more attention to me during foreplay as it seemed to just be about what he wanted then straight to sex. He said he was glad I spoke to him and that he would put in more effort. He did in the beginning however it only lasted a few weeks before we were back to where we started. I mentioned the same things again about 6 months later only this time he didn't put more effort in we just gradually had sex less and less. Over the last two years from when I first spoke to him I have probably brought the issue up around 10 times in total.

Things have just got worse and worse to the point he can barely maintain an erection when we are together anymore. H e tells me he isn't in the mood for sex but i'll see he's been watching porn. I've tried waiting for it to pass, talking to him, trying new things but nothing seems to get him interested.

He has said when he has spoke about it that he worries things will go wrong so he would just rather not have sex so he doesn't have to worry about it and that i will just have to wait until he feels differently but so far it has been two years and nothing's changed. Even at the beginning when we did have sex I was always the one to initiate it and when we do have sex it feels more like a one night stand rather than the initimacy you would expect from nearly a three year relationship.

If it is true he worries whether I enjoy it I can't understand why he would not just try and put more effort in rather than stop althogether and on the rare occasion we do sleep together it is all about what he wants he never touches me for more than 30 seconds before jumping to the sex and in the time we have been together he has never once done anything just for me to enjoy myself. He says he knows it selfish but doesn't change it.

He says it's not nice for him to hear I haven't enjoyed it before so he doesn't want to talk about it and I should except that. During an argument over it he has said that he doesn't caere whether I enjoy it or that he isn't attracted to me only for him to quickly apologise and say he can't take the pressure of it. He has also said that before me he never had this problem before but it's different as it's the first time he's had sex in a relationship.

I really don't know what to do anymore. I love him and I know 100% that he hasn't cheated so it can't be down to guilt but he just keeps telling me he doesn't know what the problem is. I've tried reassuring him that I love sleeping with him but after over two years of having sex one every two months I don't know what else I can do or how much longer I can wait hoping that it will just pass.

I would be really grateful for any advice or idea as to whats going on! x

I have a similar problem. I've been dating my bf for a year. We have been leaving together for 9 months. Yet, we don't have sex and It's frustrating.

I have never had any problems with previous partners. Usually guys jump on me as I have big breast. With my current bf everything is opposite and we are falling apart. I love him very much and would like to fix the issue, but I don't know how.

My bf doesn't think we have a problem.
He did cunnilingus and fingering before. We also had sex but he couldn't finish normally, unless I did blow job. The last time even blow job didn't help. We have (try) to have sex once per month. When I start touching him he says that he is tired or other excuses. I know he doesn't have anyone as he is always at home after work.

I tried to talk to him about the problem, but apparently it's awkward for him to open up. I offered to watch porn, but he said: "Ew." I know he watches porn and jerks off by himself. It would be okay with me IF we had a healthy sex life. He also used to do dirty talk with girl on skype before, but stopped it a while ago.

He is religious and constantly watches videos about God.
I asked him if he is gay, asked him if I attract him sexually, offered to go to a therapist, but he doesn't think we have a problem.

I stopped sleeping with him at the same bed 2 months ago and yesterday we had a fight about it. In the morning I checked his lap top and saw that he was checking out topics related to our problem, which means he at least realized we have a problem.

But now he is not talking to me, keep watching porn and jerking off after. He says he loves me but I can't be with a person who doesn't make love to me. I want to have kids, but in our case it seems impossible. I'm 27 years old and have needs. I have even cheated on him couple of times because he won't make love to me (indeed, he doesn't know about it).

I don't know what to do. I was thinking about this guy as my future husband. It's been too long to keep it to myself.
I would appreciate any advise!

[venusinfurs]

"...it is normally only when we have been drinking."

This is a definite red flag. I had a boyfriend, short-lived, like this and it was really damaging to our relationship. He could only initiate sex when he was either mildly or moderately intoxicated and it was painful for me to see. It's never a good sign for two people or one person to need any alcohol to become sexually aroused/turned on with a partner again and again.

Your situation also sounds a lot like mine in which you're trying to improve your sex life with him but he seems standoffish and isn't really trying, doesn't want to have sex as much, and you feel like you are the only one invested in your sex life with him.

It sounds like, unfortunately, he could be withdrawing from the relationship. Maybe he does not want to be in a committed relationship anymore, and the idea of intense intimacy one would naturally expect, as you said, from a relationship lasting a few years upsets him since he just wants to mess around and have casual sex, not loving and intimate sex. I think it would be a good idea to talk to him about what he really wants out of this relationship since it sounds like he is having a lot of issues right now. It's not abnormal for a guy to enjoy porn but it sounds like he is being very cold to you to do something like that, and it also adds more evidence to the fact that he might not want to be in an intimate relationship with you anymore. I also think that it's a bad sign that he's using any little thing - even talking about sex - as an excuse for him to break up with you. It sounds like passive-aggresiveness with a mix of anxiety, and he needs to really man up and lay his cards out on the table for you.

I'm drawing this tentative conclusion based on my own experience which is scarily similar to yours. My ex did the same thing, and probably looked at porn or fantasized about other women to get off too, since I knew he said he had porn at his house, yet did not want to have sex with me or even be affectionate. He seemed to be withdrawing and just didn't want sex anymore gradually over time like your bf and it was extremely insulting to me. Then I initiated the break-up stressing how he was pulling away and I just knew he didn't want to be with me anymore. He was relieved that I did that since he was emotionally withdrawing due to the idea of not being able to commit to me in the future...he was obviously throwing around the idea of breaking up but didn't have the balls to do it!

I was ****ed off and hurt, but really glad I stopped being a heel and trying SO hard to get him to have romantic sex with me. It sounds like you need to really think over the situation and see if this situation is worth your time. Like you and your bf, me and my ex were very, very different also and I feel guilty towards him and myself seeing that a lot of our relationship was built on lust, not love, and when he became less lustful it fell apart. It seems such a thing could be happening with your guy. I hope this isn't upsetting you, it just pains me to see another girl in such a situation so much like my own.