[Guest]

in porn, women exist to satisfy whatever desire men have at the moment - with no argument or choices of their own.

and within the last decade we've seen the porn market flooded with that same male/female dynamic injected with the woman experiencing pain & suffering. it's the most common theme in porn today.

it's absolutely no wonder that your boyfriend behaved/behaves this way.

remove the porn.

[the dude]

complete rubbish.

[Guest]

of course.

wonderful contribution, dude. i think her problem's solved.

you're a miracle worker.

[inquisitive1]

in porn, women exist to satisfy whatever desire men have at the moment - with no argument or choices of their own.

and within the last decade we've seen the porn market flooded with that same male/female dynamic injected with the woman experiencing pain & suffering. it's the most common theme in porn today.

it's absolutely no wonder that your boyfriend behaved/behaves this way.

remove the porn.

Hello Whilhem-
I avoided this thread until now because of what happen to me. I agree with this post in that my ex partner turned rapist suggested his interest in a particular sexual act "anal sex" and brought over porn highlighting anal acts. I expressed my objectons as well as no desire to engage in anal with him when he mentioned it over the phone prior to his arrival. True he had been drinking which is something he had laid claims to be done with. That combinaton contributed to his actions, as if I had no choice and my "NO", "Stop", "Stop it", "Get off me" and cries meant nothing as he pinned me down and said , "Yes" and did it anyway. He was literally behaving as the porn we had viewed. There was nothing sexy, nothing gentle, nothing consentual about it. He used no condom and no lubricant. I was torn and blood was everywhere. This porn started with a woman being walked on all fours like a dog by a man with a dog chain and collar on her neck. I am 1,000,000,000% x 1,000,000,000% to the power of 1,000,000,000 x the same sure that the porn we viewed directly affected his actions that evening!!!... I had known this man since 1999 and prior to this incident I had absolutely NO issues such as this one.

Just for the record, making sweeping generalizatons that relegate entire groups of people into one caterglory can be a very dangerous thing. NO ONE PERSON can speak for his or her entire gender, or race, or culture for that matter. We are all individuals with different likes and dislikes that are subject to change and evolve. Keep in mind what may affect one may not affect another. It is almost always best to speak for oneself or the "I". Just because you like something or do something doesn't mean EVERYONE on this planet shares your actions or opinions. NO EVERY MAN DOES NOT WATCH OR EVEN LIKE PORN! You don't have to like it, but it is what it is. Between my eduaction and my empirical experience, (my far too recent battle scars) I just had to speak my piece. Be Blessed!!!

[Nightelf]

Inquisitive1, every time I read about what happened to you my heart aches, I am so sorry. I was in a long relationship with a man that believed that what ever happened in a porn movie was a realistic expectation for him also. There are no special effects in porn, no stunt doubles... these women are able to do all sorts of acts and enjoy them (in his mind). So perhaps what we need to view carefully is not that porn but the actions that it creates in people. Some people drink and fall asleep, some people drink and pick a bar fight, some people beat their wives. It doesnt have to be alcohol, it can be any trigger. It would be so nice to believe that all people are good, sound of mind and pure of desire but that is a dangerous fairy tale and even the person you love can have a very dark side.

[Guest]

i'm so sorry that happened. the other damaging thing about porn is it conditions men to think that women don't mind being treated like that. the truth is that there are probably all kinds of experiences, similar to yours, that occur on the set of porn video shoots all the time. they just aren't filmed. you get the hot sex with all the pain & mess edited out.

i once read about a star who held the record for the largest anal gangbang - it's actually a movie. i think there are 2 of them. anyway, she was describing that experience. they had a doctor on the set who injected her rectum with penicillin during the event to try to keep her from getting an infection. she was bleeding and the guy had to keep applying some kind of ointment that would stop the bleeding. real sexy stuff.

but after she's subjected to it for hours & she takes her thousand bucks or whatever they gave her - she's on the box cover licking her lips like she can't wait to get f*cked in the a*s again.

and that message is sent through porn repeatedly - in larger-than-life vivid color & high def technology. brainwashing.

people will tell you that the porn had nothing to do with your partner's behavior - that he had a problem long before he ever watched porn. it's just another example of how modern society encourages people not to take responsibility for their actions.

if your ex-partner's behavior had anything to do with the influence of porn, then i might have to question my own use of porn. and i don't want to do that.

so i'll cop out & just say that your ex-partner had other problems, put my blinders back on, and follow the lemmings in front of me off the cliff.

[inquisitive1]

Inquisitive1, every time I read about what happened to you my heart aches, I am so sorry. I was in a long relationship with a man that believed that what ever happened in a porn movie was a realistic expectation for him also. There are no special effects in porn, no stunt doubles... these women are able to do all sorts of acts and enjoy them (in his mind). So perhaps what we need to view carefully is not that porn but the actions that it creates in people. Some people drink and fall asleep, some people drink and pick a bar fight, some people beat their wives. It doesnt have to be alcohol, it can be any trigger. It would be so nice to believe that all people are good, sound of mind and pure of desire but that is a dangerous fairy tale and even the person you love can have a very dark side.

Hello Nightelf-
Thank you for your kind words. I am so sorry that happened to you. It's true that people (some more than others) are influenced by various visual and auditory imput. These affects are subject to vary in intensity from person to person. I am in agreement with your post. Bottom line is we as adults we are accountable for our own actons (unless there is a psychiatric exemption). While I know alcohol and porn loaned a contributing factor to his actions it does not exempt his personal accountability. With that being said, the buck stops at his feet. Still as you said and I indicated as well , the negetive affects porn seems to have on the actions of some people can not be ignored or denied. Throw the education out the window, I am a living survivng witness to this and unfortunately, apparently so are you.

[inquisitive1]

i'm so sorry that happened. the other damaging thing about porn is it conditions men to think that women don't mind being treated like that. the truth is that there are probably all kinds of experiences, similar to yours, that occur on the set of porn video shoots all the time. they just aren't filmed. you get the hot sex with all the pain & mess edited out.

i once read about a star who held the record for the largest anal gangbang - it's actually a movie. i think there are 2 of them. anyway, she was describing that experience. they had a doctor on the set who injected her rectum with penicillin during the event to try to keep her from getting an infection. she was bleeding and the guy had to keep applying some kind of ointment that would stop the bleeding. real sexy stuff.

but after she's subjected to it for hours & she takes her thousand bucks or whatever they gave her - she's on the box cover licking her lips like she can't wait to get f*cked in the a*s again.

and that message is sent through porn repeatedly - in larger-than-life vivid color & high def technology. brainwashing.

people will tell you that the porn had nothing to do with your partner's behavior - that he had a problem long before he ever watched porn. it's just another example of how modern society encourages people not to take responsibility for their actions.

if your ex-partner's behavior had anything to do with the influence of porn, then i might have to question my own use of porn. and i don't want to do that.

so i'll cop out & just say that your ex-partner had other problems, put my blinders back on, and follow the lemmings in front of me off the cliff.

Hello Wilhelm-
I thank you for your kind words. And again-I am in agreement with the spirit of your post. I don't know if you viewed my original post, "Arrested Progreesion" prior to my editing and basic removal. I removed it for basically two reasons: 1.) I was still in the latter faze of shame, and 2.) I did not feel it was appropriate to bring this forum down/lay my issues at all of your feet. After all this forum is about sharing tricks, tips, advice, and experiences. This was not the spirit of the experience most need or want. To much FYI if you will. But the support and feedback to date has been a blessing!

[Guest]

hi -

i didn't get to see your unedited post. i would be interested to read it, though.

my opinion is that this is a perfect place to put this discussion - right where people who are looking for ideas to make sex better will see it. so many people believe that porn can enhance their sexual experience - it's encouraging to know they might be able to catalogue your experience into their decision-making, and maybe avoid the horror that you have had to live.

[Guest]

can i ask - without meaning to cause you any additional pain - how did he respond after it was over? was he defensive? apologetic? did you confront him right then? when he was sober?