[Kaye67]

Okay, so I'm new and I'm not even sure if I'm currently doing the right thing but I really need my questions answered.
There's this guy who I've known for about 11 years, he used to have a crush on me, I wasn't really interested in boys at the time then we grew older and needless to say, I started getting interested. Me and this guy have EXPLOSIVE chemistry. It's insane . . Everytime I feel it I get shocked by it. Now here's the thing, he's been with the same girl for 6 years thereabouts and we only ever hooked up while they were on a break then we went our separate ways. At the time I wasn't ready for a relationship. Unfortunately his way led him back to the same girl who actually he's known his whole life.
My dilemma is that he's still interested in me and of course I feel the same way but I honestly haven't heard any good 'other women' stories and I'm really struggling with making a decision. I've been single for about 2 and a half years, had a couple of flings but never anything serious because I've never really met someone who gets me. And gosh, he does. I want to be with him but I mean I don't know if he's just trying to get rid of some deep seated sexual curiousity he's always had for me or if he really does care. At the same time, I can't help thinking that he wouldn't risk his relationship for nothing . . And anyway why would he even be doing it in the first place? I really need some fresh eyes on this so I can make a sound judgement coz I feel like mine are clouded by the loneliness, want, need etc . . HELP!!

[JonDoe]

If you truly care for this guy, then don't be the other women that breaks up his current relationship. Besides if he starts cheating on her to be with you, what's stopping him from doing the same to you down the road? By having an affair with him while he is in a long-term relationship, you are basically condoning cheating. Take the moral high-road and find your own man.

[Hugo-B]

JnDoe's post was pretty black and white, but I do agree that the truth is that prosaic. If this guy was interested I think he'd let you know, sorry. I would just stay away from him and start looking for someone else.

[JonDoe]

However, if your feelings for him run deep, more than just physical, then sit down and have a heart to heart talk with him. Gauge his interest in you and if you get the sense that he has similar feelings, then let him know how you feel, but be upfront with him. Let him know that he can't be with you when he is already with someone else. Otherwise, move on with your life without him.

[Stillness]

Me and this guy have EXPLOSIVE chemistry. It's insane . . Everytime I feel it I get shocked by it...I honestly haven't heard any good 'other women' stories

I've got a good other "woman" story:

One day I was having a study session with one of my best friends in college where a lot the folks in our group in would usually hang out. This night it was just me and her. She said her back hurt and asked me to step on her while she laid down. I said she was crazy and blew it off, but she kept insisting she was serious and it was a good thing to do. She convinced me and ended up laying down on the floor with me standing over her with my shoes off preparing to step on her.

Now, I was really intent on stepping on her. What actually happened is that when my foot touched her back a bolt of electricity came through my foot and shot up my leg and prevented me from standing straight. All I could do was laugh uncontrollably. I barely had the ability to stand with both of my feet planted firmly on the ground, let alone balance on her back or with one foot on the ground. I played it off as if I didn't want to hurt her (which must have seemed odd since we were well past that point). I told her I would not step on her. Truthfully, I could not. As smoothly as possible I sat my butt back down in the nearest random seat. It don't even think it was the seat where my stuff was and she was still laying on the floor, which probably looked kinda weird.

Now we had just been friends up until this point. I did have a crush on her, but I didn't know lightning bolts would shoot through my body. (I didn't even know that was possible and I had recently come out of a very emotionally and sexually intense relationship with a young lady who was my first love). There were two problems: she was a buddy's ex and had broken his heart. And she had an off and on boyfriend that was living with her.

At the same time, I'm from the "old school." And in the old school when you touch someone and it literally makes you have to sit down so that you don't hurt yourself it's kinda like war. You have to be calculating. I had touched my friend and her boyfriend before. Not even one of those little shocks you get when somebody rubs their feet in shag carpet had jumped from them to me. Most importantly, when I looked at her ring finger, not one of them had placed anything on it. They did not matter. Sorry.

I've now known her over half of my life. We've been married for 12-1/2 of them. The electricity still shoots through me. Now, it's so bad that just her walking into a room or smiling at me makes my heart jump. I can normally manage it. But sometimes when we wrestle she gets a kick out of temporarily getting the better of me. She probably thinks I'm letting her.

Does he have a ring on the other lady's finger? If he doesn't, get "old school." "Other woman" means the guy is married and you're an affair. A steal is completely legit otherwise. Yeah she'd be upset, but so what? You can take someone's boyfriend/girlfriend and still be honorable and dignified. To me that's the key. Don't put yourself in a situation where you're behaving dishonorably and trading your dignity. The only thing that complicates things are the "new school" rules. Sometimes people aren't married but they're living as man and wife and may even have children together. Is that the case? If so be really careful, because you can get into something like an "other woman" scenario. Don't sneak around and be a part of lies. Respect yourself and demand that he respect you too. If you have to sacrifice dignity or respect, leave it alone.

[jns]

Does he have a ring on the other lady's finger?

What Stillness said about considering whether to see if you should attempt to get this guy back is pretty good. I would suggest you look at their relationship and see if it is a serious one. In today's age, marriage is not always the goal. That doesn't stop long standing relationships that shouldn't be broken up by a third party. A ring is not always a good indicator.

[Kaye67]

Thanks guys, . I've never really acted on my feelings because of the fact that I don't want to ruin his relationship. At the same time though, I think its not fair on him or me that he doesn't know how I feel.
They've been together for 6 years but no kids, she works out of town so it's sort of long-distance, they try to see each other often. Sometimes he'll call me wanting to spend time with me, y'know just hang out but I really find myself second-guessing coz I mean it's the sparks that light forest fires.
I like to think he's happy with her so it sort of makes staying away from him easier coz I want him to be happy. I know once I cross the threshold, there's no coming back. I do agree that I should open myself up to getting him back but I just feel like she had him first so I guess she has dibbz.
I am definitely going to try a bit of honesty about my feelings though! Thanks again!

[Stillness]

In today's age, marriage is not always the goal...A ring is not always a good indicator.

I agree here, which is why I mentioned new school approaches to relationships. I don't agree that long-standing, serious relationships should be left alone, though.

There are people who marry someone because they will make a good mother, or be a good provider, or because their mother likes them. May God bless them and may they be happy. I certainly think they can be. But when people describe the connection with another person as explosive, insane, and electric I think it would have to be some big obstacles in the way to overlook that. If they had a home together, a baby on the way, and had a "commitment ceremony", then yeah, you probably should let it go. But life is short. It's not every day or even every lifetime that one finds another that lights up their world. That should not be overlooked.

[Hugo-B]

I agree with the above ^^^

Unfortunately for the OP, her feelings do not seem to be reciprocated. If they were I think something more would have happened by now, or at least he would be making excuses to initiate contact with her.

[Stillness]

I posted before I saw your reply.

she has dibbz

What indicates "dibbz" to you? Is that how he feels, like she owns him and his future? Have you ever seen in baseball when a guy steals a base? He sees the pitcher slipping and takes the opportunity to advance his position. The other team, especially the pitcher, would like him to leave that base alone and probably feel a sense of violation. It's fair play though. That's the way the game is played. A lot of points throughout history have been scored because of a "steal."

When my electric woman and I went on our first date we stayed together all night. It was the first of many times that we would have a hard time pulling ourselves away from each other. I dropped her off and apparently she was crying when she went in the house. I made it back to my room and had just started to drift off into a very peaceful sleep when her "boyfriend" called me up saying, "What did you do to my girl punk? Why don't you meet me outside your little dorm and face me like a man." I didn't really know what he was talking about, but the real problem was him. I found out later that she had wanted him gone, but he would not leave. She dreaded going home having to deal with this guy and her time with me had somehow made it clear how undesirable her situation was.

I could have assumed that he had dibs. They had been together off and on for a while. I mean the guy lived with her. I didn't know all the details. I let her decide though and she wanted to spend time with me. Incidentally, things didn't work out for us at that time. Even with the electricity we went our separate ways. We both had too much stuff going on. But the spark was there. I had struck and the iron just so happened to be hot. It was undeniable, unavoidable, and unforgettable. When the time was right we found each other. Be wise if something is not right, but don't be a chicken.