[ravali]

hi,
after having sex with my boy friend i am geting more feelings on sex . know i want focus on my carrier.by boy friend left me.

i want 2 leave a independent lady. and i should show him what am i for that i should focus on my studies. so i have 2 control my feelings how should i.

[Claret]

Ravali, you have posted several times since yesterday about things that seem to be related to one or two incidents pertaining to you having sex (against you will the first time?, being left by your boyfriend) and now you are asking how to control your feelings about sex. Have I got this correct?
What are you really asking about? Are you asking if you can be an independent lady, have a career and also have sex without feeling guilty? Or, are you asking how you can control your feeling about your boyfriend and how you feel about him? I'm finding it hard to figure out what type of advise you are looking for. Can you help us out a little bit more here, then we may be able to help you sort things out.

[Hugo-B]

Ravali, Listen to Claret. In the meantime, keep posting, you'll get all of the help and support we can give you. I had difficulty deciphering your message too, so until you elucidate I'll attempt to extrapolate...

Firstly I hope you're not planning to leave your home town because of what happened? Running away from problems tends not to work, they have a nasty habit of following you. Or do you feel you have to leave because what has happened has damaged your reputation?

1) Stay away from 'bad' men, any man who try and force you to do what you do not want to do does not really care about you, no matter what he says.
2) concentrate on your education, you need good education to get good job, good job equals money which equals independence. This is critical since you will not have to rely on man.
3) If you are upset and cannot control your feelings about your recent sexual experience and relationship break-up you need to ask doctor for help. He will not be allowed to tell anyone what you say. You have had a lot of feelings recently, this is hard for anyone to deal with, ask for help if this is what you think you need.
4) Do not listen to your friends and their stupid remarks about your breasts sagging. Sagging breasts after losing your virginity is not possible, they are teasing you, probably because they are jealous that you've had sex. Your breasts not really sag after sex, this not possible, understand?

[ravali]

Thanks 4 your reply . And i want to make u clear that i am sorry to say that i am not getting words to explain problem.
Actually i am trying to forget my past but my surroundings making me remember about my mistakes. Before 3years i was not like this.
And i am not asking how to participate in sex without feeling guilty. But i want to avoid the feelings of having sex . Sometimes i am losing my control on my feelings. And my heart is not listening to my words.
Sorry i am not able to understand with whom i want to share my problem . All my friends left me. I cant go for a doctor. So i am asking your help.

[Hugo-B]

Your friends weren't 'proper' friends in the first place then, forget about them.

Why can't you go to the doctor, money?

Do you mean you want to avoid the feelings your memories of having sex cause?

[ravali]

Yes i want to avoide all my memories

[Hugo-B]

I think we'd all like top forget certain things.

Apart from hypnotherapy I'm afraid I can't think of a healthy way for you to just erase these memories.

What I can tell you is that the more intensely you focus on the future, and think about all of the good things that you want to do with your life, and work towards goals you have set for yourself, then the less time you will have to dwell on the past.

How to forget bad memories: do this every time you the chance to, the more frequently you do it, the more the memory will pale into insignificance.

1) Sit down in a comfortable chair and close your eyes.

2) Even though it is painful, embarrassing, etc. think of the time you are wishing to forget.

3) Close your eyes and visualize a black and white photograph of the situation that you are trying to forget. In your mind, look at it. this photograph is your memory of the experience you hate.

4) As you are looking, begin to shrink it. Shrink it so that it is much much smaller. Keep shrinking it so that you can barely see it.

5) Once you can barely make out the tiny spot, blow it away, so you know that the little speck is gone away, and no one will ever see it, and it's not with you anymore, and it is gone.

6) Remember that, in real life, hardly anyone even knew about your embarrassing mistake, and especially now, because everyone is so self centered, and they probably forgot or didn't care anyway. And if they do remember, that means they are lamer than you. They should get over it. Point is, you are free now, you blew it away! It is good for you! Go take on the day.

[ravali]

Thank u for ur advice i will do it.