[sexnlove]

Okay. So...lately I've been having issues with my husband. I want sex all the time, and he was doing it like twice a week and I was very unhappy. Now, the last two weeks he has been doing it every other day which I have been so happy about. And then if he doesnt, I automatically assume hes looking at porn instead of sleeping with me and im beyond hurt. But who knows...i just know I feel rejected because I want sex all the time. Sometimes even at work I sneak into the BR and Do it! I have been like this my entire life...I just love sex. I love oral, to anal etc...I use to be a good girl and woulnt even do doggy! or Oral until I realized how amazing it felt. and then I wasnt the same. So anyway, I have fantasies like giving him a BJ and him cumming in my mouth, but in the past he rejected me doing this and now when we have sex...I ask him if we can do other things and he says yeah, grab it and do whatever. but he doesnt get into it like me, so I feel like I cannot do it...confidently because he doesnt want me to...but is letting me for my own pleasure. I wish he would just make me do it sometimes...but i have a fantasy of the oral sex cum thing and cannot do it with him. I am dying too...I feel like im always so full of lust because he wont let me reach my level of satisfaction. I have gained weight, but am still 20lbs thinner then when we met a year and a half ago. But I would never let him see me naked. I cant get over how bad i think i look. im 5'8 185.lbs...and i have two babies now. I just hate myself so i wanna do it in the dark all the time. i just need some advice on how i can be confident and turn him on with oral...and go for it without all the negative thoughts in my mind.....also he knows i hate porn...and thats because for one, he has lied about it, two maybe the reason before we werent having sex maybe was because of it, three he wont watch it with me and four i think its ****ty for him to cum to that instead of me and leaving me unsatified. So even if i dont want him to do it because then i am left unhappy, is it ok for me too...as long as I am always ready and happy to have sex and it doesnt hurt our sex life...cause I feel like i have to masterbate all the time but its hard not watching anything...or is that a double standard. i have different reasons for not wanting him too...

[JonDoe]

Sounds like you each want the other to take the dominant role. You have the higher sex drive and vivid fantasies. So next time you are together, try light bondage. Tie his hands together above his head with a scarf or tie, and have your way with him. Take your time kissing and teasing him, and then give him a blow job until he cums in your mouth without asking him. Make sure he sees how much you are enjoying yourself and occasionally look him in the eye with a very sexy, lustful look. He might find it incredibly hot. Personally, I'd think I died and was reincarnated if that ever happened to me. It's driving me crazy jist thinking about it!

[Richard S]

It's always complicated to untangle issues in a married relationship. The thing that jumps out at me is he won't let you watch porn with him. The first thing you need to understand is that it's his penis and he'll do what he pleases with it, including masturbating when you're not around. You need to stop acting like you hate porn so he'll stop feeling shame and the need to keep things from you. It's Marriage Rule #1 - Keep the communication channels open. You also need to deal with your self-image issues. Some women are lucky enough to have husbands who provide flattery and constant reassurance because they know how women are. Your DH does not do this. To be honest you sound like a horny version of Jean Teasdale from the Onion. (That's NOT meant as a dig - I'm just saying that how you see yourself is the foundation for everything else.)

I'm not sure what else to say... Don't look at porn as something to be jealous of (I know that is hard - when all the women in porn are ridiculously pretty and thin). Look at it as an outlet that he has chosen to express a particular aspect of his desire - then figure out what those desires are. That may be a key to untangling this.

But the other key is this: If you can't stand naked in front of your own husband and say, THIS IS WHO I AM, then how can you truly make love? Look into the heart of that question and find your answer.

[Nholland]

I have a beautiful curvy friend who has very low self esteem who will only have sex in the dark and says her man doesnt like sex and cant keep it hard sometimes. I was talking about it w my bf and he said well men are very visual, tell her to turn the **** lights on and he'll be fine! So thats my advice to u, let him see u while ur blowing him, maybe thatll make a difference. If ur too insecure, maybe dress up in a waist cincher and stockings to hide ur flaws, but at least let him see ur boobs and ***. Its worth a try.

[Larry]

Early in our married my wife and I knew that I could never satisfy her in bed, my desire and sex drive are both very low, and hers are very high. We both knew that this could lead to problems. So rather than risking the emotional and physical damage of an affair, sexual frustration, jealousy, anxiety, or just plan upset with each other. We choose to take a different path, a less conventional path. That is when we started sharing spouses with another couple that was having a similar problem. He has the same high desire and sex drive as my wife and she is like me very low desire and sex drive, it worked out well for all of us.

After our first spouse swap we all sat down and talked about if we wanted to do it again, everyone said YES, and we came up with guidelines to follow. The first was no one would do anything without every ones approval (NO secrets) we talk over everything. Second was no watching, even when we go camping together sex is in the shower not in bed. Also whenever I was deployed I encouraged my wife and our friends to stay sexually active. There was no reason for all of us to be sexually frustrated, they always would let me know whenever they were planning to spend time together.

We often hear couples say that they love their spouse and would do anything for them, but when it comes to sex they are unwilling to even consider sharing to help their spouse achieve the same satisfaction that they get. Then they get upset and divorce their spouse when they find-out their spouse is having an affair. Why does Love have to be a one-sided relationship?

Now, even using Cialis I still cannot satisfy my wife. My wife and I have been married over 33 years and have been shared with the same couple for about 30 years now, and it keeps getting better in and out of the bedroom.

[ScottD]

My wife of twelve years has a very high sex drive like you. We can have sex three times a day and she would still want more. Early on, I could keep up. We would do it three times at night and then again in the morning.

After a few years, my desire started to slow down. Hers fluctuated but always returned to extremely high. We got down to about every other night. It wasn't a strain on our marriage or anything, but I wanted to give her what she craved and my body just didn't seem to want to perform that often.

I started researching what I could do to improve our love life. This was about two years ago. I started to think that prolactin was the problem. It is a hormone that gets released during orgasm in both men and women. In men, it strongly inhibits sexual desire. I resolved that I would start learning how to prevent my own orgasms during sex.

It took some time to get the hang of it. Like most guys who have experience, I knew how to prolong sex by stopping and holding off orgasm, but it gets harder each time you stop. Eventually, thrust a little too long and we go past the point of no return (PONR). It's all about pacing.

Once I started to consistently get it right, though, the difference was dramatic. I could have sex as often and as long as I liked. I would allow myself an orgasm no more than about once a week, but I don't really keep track. When I do, it's really good, and I'll be ready to go again very soon.

My wife and I typically spend one to two hours loving each other every night. Sometimes we do it again in the morning and at least a few times a week on my lunch break. Somehow, the sex just keeps getting better. My wife and I are closer than we've ever been.

It may not work for your husband, but if he currently orgasms every time you have sex, he might get a big boost to his libido by trying what I did. Lately, I've been working on orgasm with no or reduced ejaculation. Moderate success there, but I can now go past the PONR and still retain my libido by at least partially blocking ejaculation. I get a mini-orgasm that nevertheless feels amazing. Something else he might want to look into.

[Natalie1962]

I've always had a much higher sex drive than my husband, even in our younger days. Luckily my husband and I have an open marriage and I'm allowed to have sex with other men, We were also both into swinging so even though my sex drive is higher than my husband's I've always been able to temper it and keep it under control. Had we lived a straight and narrow lifestyle with only each other for sex partners I know I'd be one very unhappy wife right now, especially since my husband's health issues have curtailed our sex life even more.

Natalie