[Nholland]

My boyfriend of 4 years treats me very well and im pretty sure would never cheat on me. But even the idea of him desiring someone else makes me crazy. Hes pretty jealous too and knows how i am so conflicts are usually avoided but if he occasionally slips n says another girl is attractive or if i find him admiring a woman it hurts me. He recently bought some very beautiful art pieces of a dia de los muertos theme w suggetively nude women and i got upset. It makes me feel like im not good enough or like hes a big horn dog drooling over other women, the art is beautiful and i like it n I kind of known im being ridiculous and that i should appreciate what a great faithful bf i have but i cant stand the idea of him wanting anyone else even tho its just art and even tho i know all men admire pretty women. I only want him and barely notice other men and only fantasize about him while i masturbate and want him to be the same. Im thinking about therapy to deal w my jealousy m inecurity but cant really afford it. Does anyone have any helpful advice or feel the same?

[lizzardb63]

The first thing that stuck out to me in your post is that you said you're "pretty sure" he would never cheat on you. That means there is a spec of doubt. Why? Is there something he's done to make you think he would ever cheat?? Second, it doesn't matter if you're a man or a woman...there is going to be people that you and him will find attractive, but that doesn't mean he's going to act on it or think you're less attractive. There's nothing wrong with looking at a guy and saying "he's good looking" but that's as far as it should go and he's allowed to do the same thing. It's sounds to me he's been pretty sensitive to your feelings which shows he loves you...give him a little credit for being the good boyfriend he's been.

And a little tip...one of the sexiest traits a woman can have is confidence. If you show confidence that you're sexy, beautiful and smart, there's no doubt he would believe it too (not that he doesn't already)!

[Lady Syrinx]

I went through a similar situation when my husband and I were dating, but it was in reverse. In summer 1997 he took me to my first Rush concert. Shortly, after the show I admitted to him that found Rush's drummer/lyricist, Neil Peart, sexy. He became very jealous. As if I'd try to cheat on him with a married rock star who had a daughter a few a few years younger than me. The funny part is that the qualities that I found sexy in Neil, like intelligence, were qualities that I find sexy in him as well. They even look very similar, tall and thin with medium brown hair. But then again his previous girlfriend(his first girlfriend) had cheated on him. We'd been together for four years at the time and he knew I would never cheat on him.

On the other hand, at the same time he was into pro wrestling and would droolover some of the female wrestlers/managers. And there was only slight jealousy on my part.

[JonDoe]

How can you seriously be jealous of art? Ironically, your jealousy may eventually drive him away. Do not attempt to control that which is outside of your control. You need to remain confident in your relationship for it to last. He will always find other women attractive, but that doesn't mean he will cheat unless you are not attentive to his needs.

[Nholland]

Im not jealous of art im jealous of the fact that he wants to look at other women, whether it be porn playboy or drawings of nude women. And i say "pretty sure" he wouldnt cheat because no one can say 100% for sure, but no, nothing has ever happened and i totally trust him. I just have this ridiculous idea that if he were happy and satisfied he wouldnt need to look. I know thats dumb but its how i feel, my issue is not thinking he'll cheat, its about being insecure about him looking at and fantasizing about other women. I want to be the only woman he wants and i want it to be easy to be faithful because im all that he needs. Thats how i feel about him, i dont want any other man and dont even fantasize about other men.

[rosekitten]

Finding other people attractive, or enjoying the beauty of other people, doesn't mean he doesn't find you attractive, or that you aren't enough for him. Surely, just because you can appreciate the beauty or attractiveness of another person doesn't mean you don't find anyone else attractive, or that you'd automatically want to have a relationship with them. Enjoying the beauty of another person is the same as enjoying watching a sport, or enjoying music as far as I'm concerned. I find many people attractive, that doesn't mean I find my husband less desirable. He has specific types of porn that he enjoys, that doesn't mean he finds me any less beautiful or any less sexually stimulating.