[J303]

Hi everyone,

I'm struggling. I've been with my boyfriend coming up on a year now, in our late 20's we have a lot of connection interpersonally, and just moved into a new home he just purchased. (new stage in our relationship) We communicate often, but it seems like when there are issues in our sex lives we both struggle. I'm currently in a doctorate program, and working all of the time (time issue) he runs a medical practice and in school as well. (tired .. tried.. timing seems difficult)
We are sexual people, but have always had somewhat of a mediocre sex life. I've always struggled achieving an O quickly, or at all. My previous boyfriends didn't put as much emphasis on this, and we still had fun having sex together. My boyfriend now, really WANTS me to have one every time. This is extremely difficult and sometimes i think unachievable, and puts pressure on me and him. It has gotten to the point that I can only have an O on top, and our sex life has become boring (both agreed)
He is more experienced sexually I think, I've tried to spice it up (lingerie, toys ) which he likes but still seems bored. Which I must admit I am too.
I'm fearful that if our sexual chemistry and passions don't get in tuned soon, we will no longer have the relationship we want.
i dont have much experience giving oral, or enjoying when given oral. I don't know a lot of different positions, and he asked for me to ask other women if they struggle from the same thing (achieving an O) our frustration; that i can have one on my own pretty quickly, but it takes over an hour when we are together.
Any ideas..?

[Truckstar]

It seems you are both incompatible, you could try a month of total abstinence including no masturbation, then meet at a hotel, take the Friday night as a spa type break still no sex.
no computer or phone for the whole weekend. Sleep in until 11 o'clock. then go for each other with fury and let yourselves really go, have a ton of selfish sex where you each only care about yourselves. If you don't get a buzz from this then I am afraid that it doesn't look good.

[Little]

Tell him to lay off you, you'll have an orgasm when you feel like it (and when your body's capable) and that trying to force you to have an O every time is throwing a wrench in your works. I don't know where men get the idea that a woman's just GOTTA GOTTA orgasm, and then if she has one, she better have a half dozen, but it's a common idea. Just let the orgasms fall where they may.

All kinds of women have trouble orgasming. Especially when they're put under stress - that's an O-killer! And it's natural to be capable of quick orgasms on your own, when you're in charge of your situation, position, stimulation, the whole package.

How do YOU feel about possibly not orgasming in each session of sex? Before he put the emphasis on orgasm, did you enjoy your sex life more?

[DreamP346]

OK. Take him to a movie (something he doesn't mind going to, but may not love). Before going, tell him he HAS to LOVE this movie and show his appreciation by calling up every friend and telling them about this amazing movie. If he doesn't, then something is wrong with him, to go talk to his friends to figure out what is wrong and try to remedy the situation. Sound absurd? Tell him that is how you feel when he pressures you to have an orgasm.

You say your sex life has become doring. What has your boyfriend done to spice things up? You obviously have introduced the lingerie and toys. What has he done. Sex is a two way road. You can't be doing all the trying. Get some books to read. There are tons on positions. I always recommend Guide To Getting It On. Simple read with tons of good information. Tell him to read the book She Comes First.

[Little_Man_in_the_Boat]

You're both probably physically and mentally exhausted from study and work.

Personally I dont think real orgasm is easy to achieve despite what most here will tell you.

Sure I've been with partners that had a mini orgasm but not of great intensity.

The humdinger of an orgasm we experienced didn't happen when either of us was working hard, it happened when we were both working part time and things were laid back and stressless.

Don't be too hard on each other initially, it could just be that both of you are over-tired.

[JanieMarie]

If you haven't tried the ******* then you haven't tried everything yet. The problem seems to be that you are OK with a certain level of sex but he gets bored which makes you feel bad, causing a downward spiral. If you can keep him entertained without putting too much burden on yourself then you can break the cycle. Enter the modern ******* male chastity device. Before you laugh, let me just tell you that its one of the fastst growing bedroom activities among vanilla couples right now. The idea is that you get him locked up and keep the keys. As time goes by his desire and frsutration will continue to increase. As we know from the popularity of porn and strip clubs, for men the desire for a woman can be more enjoyable than acually having sex with her. As his desire increases, he'll be having his own private lust party in his mind all day, every day. He'll be anything but bored. His thoughts will naturally be directed toward the woman who holds all the keys, you! He'll do anything with you and for you and you don't have to lift a finger. Eventually you can unlock him and have mind blowing sex. Just make sure to lock him back up again for the next round.

[Hopeless Dork]

I'd try to get out of the mechanics of it all and focus more on teasing and foreplay.. and I don't mean the touches before intercourse foreplay.. i mean the hours and days leading up to different sexual experiences, foreplay.

Taking the time to snap a naughty pic and send it to him while he's at work.

Getting him all worked up in places where 'completion' is nowhere near possible, like when out to dinner or when you have company over, etc. Rubbing his thigh dangerously close and then some under the table while onlookers have no idea.. build up the build up!

Instead of focusing on lingerie, focus on variety in what you have on. A tshirt and nothing else one night, a vixen black garter lingerie set one night, cute boy shorts and tube socks another nite.. becoming less predictable with when you put on the sex appeal.

A hot dress and sexy heals for no reason at all.. dress like a single desperate woman occasionally va-va voom bra, cleavage out.. etc. Granted, you sound professional and serious about your careers so you may have to use more caution as to wher eyou put on the sexy.. but do it, go from innocent and cute, to naughty secretary, to even trampy streetwalker lol..

Good sex is really more about the energy between the actions than the actions themselves. And the element of surpise.. that will get you and him everytime. In the middle of a boring political debate on tv.. decide that you are going to give him a lap dance! Don't ever worry about looking silly in anything...it's all hot to them

Change your attitude in the bedroom, sometimes coy and shy like you have no idea what you are doing and just being swept away by some experienced man... and other times be the vamp, tell him what to do!

Enthusiasm is sexier than anything else. Being genuinly into the moment is hotter than any outfit or act. Learn that its less about the big o and finishing than it is about the tingles and waves of pleasure on the way to getting there.

When giving oral.. prolong it, when he's close to coming, back off... allow him to savor - then lather rinse repeat.

When getting oral.. talk dirty, tell him how good it feels, tell him about every sensation you're experiencing.

And don't over do.. dont make it seem like work.. keep it fun and keep it interesting and it will get the sparks back.

[JonDoe]

Hopeless, you are my hero!