Hi all,
I want to apologize in advance as this will be long, but I do need some advice as this particular issue is bothering me and has been for a number of years. Anyways, I am a 27 yr old female, my boyfriend is the same age. We're approaching our 7 year anniversary in about two months. We've lived together the last 6 years, so we're not a "new" relationship and we know each other quite well. Anyways, we're both healthy individuals, eat right, work out daily, work and have great social lives, no addictions, not big drinkers or anything like that.
The problem is, my boyfriend will not have sex with me. When we first started out, we had sex an insanely high amount of times per day. We were both satisfied sexually. However, only a year into our relationship, the sex slowly dwindled from maybe 4x a day to 1x a day to 1x every 4 days to 1x a week, then to 1x a month and so on...now seven years later, we're going on a whole year without any sexual interaction or intimacy. Plus, the last time had sex about a year ago, I was a bit drunk from a holiday party, he was sober. When I mean intimacy, I mean no deep kissing, touching etc. Before the last time we had sex a year ago, we had sex maybe 2x the previous year. It just seems to keep declining. We do cuddle and give eachother pecks but that is seriously about it. When things first began dwindling, I brought it up to him and it caused an arguement. Since then, I'll bring it up once every 6 months or so and 6 years later things still haven't changed and it still ends up with us aruging over the topic. I try to limit how much I talk about it or discuss it cause I know it makes him extremely upset and stressed out. I've also noticed he is not very attentive like he used to be (just in general). I know the honey moon phase was over about a year into our relationship but I just can't help to think that this is completely abnormal.
Now, this all began a year into our relationship and it began almost directly after I had a pregnancy scare. We were both way too young for a baby and I feel that the lack of sex (from his side) may be entirely because of the pregnancy scare. This was also in the beginning of our relationship and by now, six years later, he knows if I got pregnant that it would not be an issue because we're both not kids anymore and we could provide for our child. There's another situation that occurred in our seven year relationship that also may be directly associated with him having no interest in me sexually. One of his best friends took advantage of me while I was sleeping one night after a party. I did let him know and we worked through it together. This was about 3 years ago, but the lack of sexual interest began way before that. I think it does (in some way) have something to do with his lack of interest though and why things haven't gotten better.
He really is a good guy, does well with his job, is in school for an awesome career and has his head on straight. I am not an ugly woman, I am not trying to be stuck up, but I am a fairly good looking individual just as he is. I do understand that our lack of sex may be because of the past but I just can't seem to figure out how to get him to open up to me. I feel like ******** about the situation, feel ugly and feel like I co-exist. I guess we all want to feel wanted sometimes. He tells me I'm gorgeous and beautiful and when he's had a few beers in him, he'll even grope me in a sexual silly manner or talk to me about how he wants me, but this is ONLY when is he under the influence of alcohol.
When I do bring it up, he will say "well, it takes two to tango" and it's like yeah, I know that..I am trying, if I wasn't trying I wouldn't bring it up. I just am completely overwhelmed and have no idea what the next step is. He absolutely hates the idea of counseling (I've brought it up on a number of occasions) and he doesn't seem to want to fix this issue. I know people who are married or have been dating for years who do not have sex and they are happy couples but for me, the physical intimacy is important and I need it. We're just about to celebrate our 7 yr and if I can't get him to start seeing things from my POV, I may need to end it.
I want to apologize in advance as this will be long, but I do need some advice as this particular issue is bothering me and has been for a number of years. Anyways, I am a 27 yr old female, my boyfriend is the same age. We're approaching our 7 year anniversary in about two months. We've lived together the last 6 years, so we're not a "new" relationship and we know each other quite well. Anyways, we're both healthy individuals, eat right, work out daily, work and have great social lives, no addictions, not big drinkers or anything like that.
The problem is, my boyfriend will not have sex with me. When we first started out, we had sex an insanely high amount of times per day. We were both satisfied sexually. However, only a year into our relationship, the sex slowly dwindled from maybe 4x a day to 1x a day to 1x every 4 days to 1x a week, then to 1x a month and so on...now seven years later, we're going on a whole year without any sexual interaction or intimacy. Plus, the last time had sex about a year ago, I was a bit drunk from a holiday party, he was sober. When I mean intimacy, I mean no deep kissing, touching etc. Before the last time we had sex a year ago, we had sex maybe 2x the previous year. It just seems to keep declining. We do cuddle and give eachother pecks but that is seriously about it. When things first began dwindling, I brought it up to him and it caused an arguement. Since then, I'll bring it up once every 6 months or so and 6 years later things still haven't changed and it still ends up with us aruging over the topic. I try to limit how much I talk about it or discuss it cause I know it makes him extremely upset and stressed out. I've also noticed he is not very attentive like he used to be (just in general). I know the honey moon phase was over about a year into our relationship but I just can't help to think that this is completely abnormal.
Now, this all began a year into our relationship and it began almost directly after I had a pregnancy scare. We were both way too young for a baby and I feel that the lack of sex (from his side) may be entirely because of the pregnancy scare. This was also in the beginning of our relationship and by now, six years later, he knows if I got pregnant that it would not be an issue because we're both not kids anymore and we could provide for our child. There's another situation that occurred in our seven year relationship that also may be directly associated with him having no interest in me sexually. One of his best friends took advantage of me while I was sleeping one night after a party. I did let him know and we worked through it together. This was about 3 years ago, but the lack of sexual interest began way before that. I think it does (in some way) have something to do with his lack of interest though and why things haven't gotten better.
He really is a good guy, does well with his job, is in school for an awesome career and has his head on straight. I am not an ugly woman, I am not trying to be stuck up, but I am a fairly good looking individual just as he is. I do understand that our lack of sex may be because of the past but I just can't seem to figure out how to get him to open up to me. I feel like ******** about the situation, feel ugly and feel like I co-exist. I guess we all want to feel wanted sometimes. He tells me I'm gorgeous and beautiful and when he's had a few beers in him, he'll even grope me in a sexual silly manner or talk to me about how he wants me, but this is ONLY when is he under the influence of alcohol.
When I do bring it up, he will say "well, it takes two to tango" and it's like yeah, I know that..I am trying, if I wasn't trying I wouldn't bring it up. I just am completely overwhelmed and have no idea what the next step is. He absolutely hates the idea of counseling (I've brought it up on a number of occasions) and he doesn't seem to want to fix this issue. I know people who are married or have been dating for years who do not have sex and they are happy couples but for me, the physical intimacy is important and I need it. We're just about to celebrate our 7 yr and if I can't get him to start seeing things from my POV, I may need to end it.
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