[winker]

My husband was not able to perform at all according to him for many years. Now, after he started taking testosterone, I found out he masterbates daily in front of porn. When I found out he said he has done this since he was a teenager. I am very hurt by this, but he says he has to do it everyday because he has the urge and wants to. He says it is a man thing and there is nothing personal about it....it is just mechanical and fast. I asked him if we could maybe masterbate together and we tried that for a short time, but he has only been able to masterbate in front of me twice and the other times he has to go into his office and do it (in front of porn). I have realized now I don't want to masterbate or do anything else with him if he can't get an orgasm with me, because it just hurts too much. His reason for not being to get it with me is that he knows the correct way to do it and when he is in me it doesn't stay hard enough. Please give me your insite.

[welsh-girl]

My boyfriend (before he was with me) used to watch a lot of porn and he admitted that his sex life with his ex was non existant because of it.

When we got together, he was still watching the odd bit of porn. I'll be honest, i didn't like it and i got quite uncomfortable about it. All i did was explain how i felt and that i didn't like the idea of it and he stopped.

Since he stopped, our sex life has been so much better, and he says he knows now that porn can ruin a relationship.

[jns]

Is your Husband willing to forgo masturbation for a few weeks and try again with you? Both the porn and the masturbation are problems that are exacerbated by his selfishness.

[winker]

I should have mentioned I am 62 years-old and have been married for 43 years. Ten years-ago the doctor told my husband he probably would never get another erection so, his reason for doing it daily is that he is like a kid in a candy store since he started on testosterone.

[jns]

Did he masturbate in those last 10 years? Was his libido completely gone? Why doesn't he want to share his new found fortune with his beautiful, sexy wife?

[TJPatriot]

Could you specify what you mean by "with me"? Do you just mean in your example of both masturbating for each other he can't get off? Or do you mean he cannot get off while having sex with you?

Personally, I can only rarely get off masturbating with my girlfriend, but can to porn without much issue. But I can still get off while having sex with her.

[oldtimer]

For the time being forget the masturbating problem - all men do it and looking at porn is natural. Do not worry about this and do not take it personally.

From what you write your husbands underlying problem is known as erectile dysfunction. In other words his penis either does not become hard or does not remain so thus making intercourse difficult or impossible..

Your husband should try using Viagra It has to be taken a bit before intercourse so he needs to read the instructions first.
Using it will keep your husband erect and and avoid losing his erection during intercourse. Your medical doctor should be used to treating the underlying problem which is common in men and will know what strength of pill to prescribe.
Good luck

[jns]

winker, have things changed or is he still being selfish?

[winker]

He is still masterbating everytime I leave the house and all I can do is think about it the whole time I'm gone, because I know it is happening. The problem is, I don't think sex will ever work for us if he keeps masterbating. He has no problem getting it himself, but can't stay hard in me. I have tried accepting his masterbating, but I just can't.....it just hurts me too much. He tells me I should be doing it myself too, which I can do, but it's just not the same if there is no intimacy. I think he tells me that just to make himself feel better about doing it. He keeps telling me I need to go and see a sex therapist, but I don't see how that will help. We have tried masterbating together, but he can't come that way either. We have been married for 43 years and I don't want this to end....I do love him, but I just don't know what to do.

[Mr Sixter]

I don't think you are the one that needs to see a therapist. I think that he is the one that needs to. As far as ed - I've never had that problem as I am still young but this doesn't sound like ed either because he can masterbate daily. One thing to try maybe is to watch porn while having sex. If this works it still doesn't solve the underlying problem of him being intimate with you. That is where therapy might work. Guys (and gals) get addicted to porn. Once they are addicted sometimes that is the only way they can have an orgasm. It sounds to me he is addicted to porn.