[Silver_Starlight]

Hi ladies, I need your advice. I am 20 years old and I have never had an orgasm, either with a partner or alone. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years, and the sex is great, but I've never been able to climax. I've heard that the best way to fix this is to figure out how to masturbate myself to orgasm first before I can have one with my boyfriend, but I've tried with no success. Even vibrators don't get me there. I have felt much closer to climaxing when my boyfriend is giving me oral sex or stimulating my clitoris. I will have these moments where I start uncontrollably shaking and I feel like I'm so close, but I can never climax. Eventually in those moments the sensation becomes too intense and uncomfortable on my clit and I have to pull away. I don't think I have any psychological/mental blocks that would keep me from being able to orgasm. I don't have any abuse in my history, I don't feel shame about sex or about my body, I love my boyfriend and we have a wonderful, caring relationship, and I feel very aroused by him. I am beginning to wonder if I am simply physically incapable. I don't need an orgasm to enjoy sex, but I feel like I am missing out on something great, and at times it makes me feel like less of a woman. I don't know why it is so easy for some women but seemingly impossible for me. Any advice?

[jns]

If your bf is giving too much stimulation when you are close, you can overload from pleasure to pain. If your clitoris sticks out from under its hood when you are close to orgasm(common), stimulation should be moved back so he is stimulating the hood. Further, it may work better if he builds you up, then slows down for a while, then repeats the cycle several times before he tries to help you go over the top to orgasm.

[Delilah37]

i actually never have either well vaginally. clitorally by myself yes. but never from a penis. im still trying but i feel like focusing and trying as many different things as possible. Will eventually do the trick.. so good luck to you.

[Silver_Starlight]

Thanks, jns, I will suggest that to him. Delilah, I've heard it's pretty common for most women to not orgasm from penetration alone. My problem is that I can't even orgasm from clitoral stimulation.

[sherrialicia]

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try rubbing yourself in small circles over your clit with grapeseed oil. I find it's much easier to orgasm this way. start slow and increase the speed/pressure as you feel your orgasm building. If that don't work buy a pulsating shower head and a Schick Hydro silk razor. The handle is wide, curved and has little bumps on it. Put the shower head on your clit and the razor handle inside you and pull it in/out while keeping the water running on your clit. Putting one leg up on edge of tub will help. The handle will rub your gspot perfectly. If that don't work nothing will ;p As for the oral he's probably putting too much stimulation directly on your clit. You have a protective "hood" that he may be pushing back with his tongue. He just needs to go lighter move around more. Build you up slower.

[Jacobus]

It’s not fair. Some woman has multiple orgasms. My wife once had 12 consecutive. Every time we have sex she climax at least two times but the norm is 4. She only orgasm via clitoral stimulation.
Woman can orgasm in many ways and I’m sure you must just find the way that suits you. I agree that you must have your orgasm on your own let your man in on it later. (No pressure is the key)

1) Clitoral stimulation the most common. (Remember to lube up)
2) Virginal by insertion.
3) G-Spot (Woman on top or man from behind can easily reach that spot). There are many guides on the web on how to locate and stimulate your G-Spot.
4) Anal (Not my preference!) But if this can result in an orgasm, why not? The virginal and anal sharing a thin skin wall. That the reason for sensitivity for woman. I read of woman that could only orgasm this way.
5) If you are very sensitive, try running water over your clit or rubbing your clit against a pole or hard object (Panty on)
6) Vibrator. Can be too soft or too hard. Hatachi magic wand (Power vibrator)is great. I find that most women are too sensitive and needs to vibrate close to the clit area but not directly on it. Other like my wife likes it very strong and direct. Certain vibrators are just too slow for her and she will get frustrated. Battery operated vibrators does not work for her.
7) Spice up your lust with erotic porn clips.

I really hope you find your own way. Gift from God!

[Silver_Starlight]

I would definitely try the shower head method if I didn't live in a college dorm at the moment. Unfortunately it's not something I can really do in a communal shower...
I think part of the problem has also been that in the past I've been really worried that I was letting him down by not having an orgasm. It always kind of hung in the back of my mind that I might be making him feel inadequate or hurting his self-esteem. Recently I had an honest talk with him about it, and he assured me that he doesn't feel that way; he just wants to make me feel good and enjoy sex, and that he wanted to help me get there but without feeling pressured in any way. It was a relief to hear that and it takes a bit of the anxiety off.

[Silver_Starlight]

Sorry, double post.

[Silver_Starlight]

Another problem I have is that I don't get as turned out by masturbation as I do by sexual activities with him. It's similar to how it's easy for another person to tickle you, but hard to tickle yourself. I do feel pleasure from masturbation, but it's just not as intense or exciting for me as doing things with my bf. I feel like I need to be cuddled, kissed and caressed in order to be properly turned on and ready for sexual stimulation. The foreplay is really key for me. Maybe I'm doing something wrong.

[jns]

Self pleasure and pleasure from someone else are two different things because of the anticipation of the unknown with someone else. That can heighten the pleasure.