[concernedlover]

Hi. I'm a 21 yr old male who has recently got into a relationship with the girl of his dreams. We were both virgins when we met. We've recently started having sex and I'm somewhat concerned. I'm pretty ignorant about sex (other than the basics, obviously) so forgive me if I ask some really stupid questions... One issue, which has been stressing her out quite a bit and putting some strain on our relationship, is that she doesn't seem to be able to orgasm. I've done some other searching on the internet before coming here and do realize that much of that may simply be in poor technique on my part (which is something I'm continually trying to improve), but even though I may not last more than 10 min during "traditional" sex, we've tried other things, such as oral and digital stimulation. It's not that she doesn't feel anything or doesn't enjoy it, she just can't seem to orgasm. She says she feels like she needs to pee, even when just going to the bathroom, or that she is getting really sore down yonder. I don't mean to seem stupidly ignorant here, but is it normal for a woman to be stimulated for over an hour without orgasm?

Please help? Since it's been putting stress on our relationship (she feels like it's her fault and that I'm somehow disappointed with her, which isn't the case) we've basically stopped having sex, which is a temporary solution...but considering we hope to have a long and fruitful relationship together, it would be great if we could actually enjoy sex together. Thanks.

[jns]

She feeling like she wants to pee is probably her body being ready to ejaculate (squirt).

You (and she) may be stimulating the wrong place to have the best chance of her reaching orgasm. You should be stimulating the clitoris or through the clitoral hood. Your description of her wanting to pee makes me think you are stimulating in the vagina.

Many women learn how to masturbate to orgasm on their own, then teach their SO what works on them.

[shoshannah]

Is she able to bring herself to orgasm by masturbation? That would be the first step. I basically had to show my boyfriend how I give myself an orgasm, and then he used that to learn how to give me one (and this was before we had started having intercourse). Then, once we started having intercourse, it took a while for both of us to adjust so I could begin having orgasms while he was inside me. So probably the best thing is for her to learn how to give herself an orgasm an then have you learn from how she does it.

HTH!

[Sam236]

I wouldn't worry!! - Me and my boyfriend had the same problem! - we both had never been in serious relationships and hadn't had sex! And when we started I didn't orgasm during sex! But I did enjoy it! - and we tried other things that also didn't work! We also stopped having sex for a bit! And my boyfriend felt bad that he couldn't make me! But I felt bad because I couldn't do it! Ect! And it defiantly put stress on the relationship!
We talked lots about it all and did have sex casually again! But i still never orgasmed! - We did both enjoy sex! And I wasn't all that fussed I thought it was just lots harder for me or something! So I kept telling my boyfriend not to worry! However it did still bother him a little which bothered me! So we still did not have a solution!
We started playing around with oral sex.. And one day! I was really relaxed and in the mood! And I orgasmed from oral!!!! Me and my boyfriend were really happy and I realised that I had to be relaxed and really let my self and want to enjoy it!! we tried oral again a few days later and it happened again! it was really great for both of us! I still don't orgasm during sex, and I can't give myself an orgasm at all!! But this is a positive turn and is something you could talk to your girlfriend about! I'm not saying it will work! Just wanted to share my story! All the best! and goodluck!

[kira]

The need to pee is getting close to an orgasm it's just that women don't understand ejaculation and hold back fearing they are actually urinating. I've tried and even logically knowing how it works I can't make myself ejaculate. I immediately hold it in and it backwashes in to my bladder. Then I pee out clear liquid later. I can let it get to an orgasm though. Stimulating the clitoris better should lessen that feeling. Also it is possible to be unable to achieve orgasm without a vibrator at first. I spent 6 years that way. No amount of fingering or oral will give me an orgasm still. Sex is hit or miss. 90% of the time the toys come out after we have sex because it's the only thing that works. I have been masturbating since I was about 8, before I had any idea what was going on, and I can't bring myself to orgasm with fingers.