[melell]

My boyfriend and I have only been dating for 9 months, but we're pretty serious. We have an amazing sex life; both of us are completely satisfied...or, so I thought. A couple of days ago, I got on my laptop to find that he had left his email up. I saw an email with the subject titled "Morning Sex- m4m", which I knew that meant Man-for-Man. So, obviously, I got freaked out and went through his emails. I found numerous emails between him and other males from the website, Craig's List, about looking for someone (another man!) to hook up with and about how he wanted to receive oral and penetrate them. I was in shock. My boyfriend is a 6'0, 175, masculine, black man. He is always turned on by looking at girls and I can turn him on instantly, no problem, so I know he obviously likes girls. But does he like guys, also?

When I asked him about it, I approached him very politely because I have a gay brother and know what it is like to see someone confused. I wanted to help him. But, he claimed that he did all that because he liked to "mess with those people". He swears he never actually went through with it and met up with any of them (which I found no evidence of him actually going through with it). And he swears he does not like guys in any way, whatsoever. I'm still in such shock, I don't know what to believe. Obviously, I don't want to believe my boyfriend, who is VERY masculine and seems to be VERY into girls, is gay. But then again, do straight men really have nothing better to do than to email stuff like that to other guys? I could see maybe other girls, but other guys....?? What do I do?

[rcoreyus]

First - if he were exchanging this sort of email with other women would it bother you - only you can answer this, some women would be devastated others wouldn't care. I think the same rules apply to flirting emails with the same sex .

He may be bi-curious, or gay. I don't think it matters a lot - as long as he will keep his interactions with other men within the limits you agree to in your relationship.

Maybe he is really just interested in gender play? Has he hinted at this at all?

[melell]

Good advice, thank you!
Yes, that's the thing...if it were other women, I would be furious! He has never hinted at anything of the sort. He is very homophobic-like, or at least acts like it.