[Hikarilight]

Hello I am new to this forum, I came here because I don't know what to do. Recently I found out my boyfriend has been watching porn next to me while I'm sleeping and lying to me about it. I told him I found out and that it made me feel bad because it felt disrespectful and like he was bored of me. He told me he'd stop but the next morning early while I was sleeping he tilted his computer screen away and watched it again. I didn't wanna believe he was doing it again but I knew that tilting the screen away meant he was hiding something but when I was about to check his history he caught me and made me feel terrible about not trusting him. So I believed him that he didn't do anything. He lied to my face and made me feel bad about it. I still felt something wasn't right though so I snooped again and there it was after he promised he wouldn't do it again he did, he made me feel bad when he was the one lying to me. So we had a really ugly fight I told him why I didn't like porn and he called me a hypocrite and sexist and other stuff it got really bad but he apologized after making me cry....I just can't believe though that after everything he's said to me that he would prioritize standing up for porn than realizing he was hurting me. It just he said again he wouldn't look at it anymore and promised again but now i don't know if I can believe him. Worst part is I gave so much up for him. I lived in Canada and came to the USA for him and I can't work here yet or go to school I paid so much to come Down here and now I'm scared because I love him and I want to trust him but now it's so difficult....but i love him he's very sweet to me most of the time and he did feel really bad after he realized the things he said to me...I am just so confused and I have no idea what to do....idk if he will really stop or if he's addicted to it he said porn is a bad habit to him because e used to be addicted to it when he was younger so does that mean he is still addicted...

[Hikarilight]

Oh the other thing is yes I do sleep with him so I don't get why he needs it I love him and I'm a person that is willing to try anything if I am asked and I like sex so it bugs me that he looks at t when I'm right there

[Nonna]

Dont worry too much. The secret is - so many men are watching porn even if they wouldnt admit they are. Its not really bad, although can be addictive. Its nothing like cheating, more like exploration of different possibilities in sex.
You are saying that you are open to sexual experiments, but may be he does not know that. May be he is afraid to ask you to try something new. And acting like you did recently will only make him more secretive about his desires and about watching porn. He will not stop watching if he really has a reason to do so, he will only be more careful in hiding.
Try to stop blaiming him and may be even offer him to watch some erotic movie together (something mild and rather erotic then hardcore). See what he likes in the movie, what turns him on. Try to transfer his arosal from the movie into your own bedroom. Show him that you are willing to have the best sex and give him maximum pleasure.
Remember, forbidden things are more desirable. Dont make watching porn even more desired for him.
And dont let this little thing to ruin your relationship.

[rcoreyus]

Is he watching porn instead of being intimate with you, or only when you are not available for intimacy?

[Sunlight72]

Hi Karilight,
firstly I'm sorry to read of the imbalance in your relationship. I don't think your boyfriend completely understands and respects how much of a jump you made to move and be with him. It would have been a better situation if he had at least left his old house or apartment to move in to a new place with you (a new place for the both of you is hugely different than you moving into his place).

The 'good' news is that he is watching the porn because of his own mindset - it truly has nothing to do with you.

The 'bad' news is that he is watching the porn because of his own mindset - and it is more immediate and important to the deeper part of his urges than you, or your happiness, or his desire to be with you is.

Watching it in bed while he thinks you're asleep??? Puh-lease. I'm sorry for your difficult time ahead, and can only recommend you leave him.

In bed with you while you are asleep he should be snuggling up to you. He should be thinking of you and missing you even though you are right there. Not dramatically, just a bit. Then when the clock rolls around to 20 minutes before you need to get up he should be hugging you and kissing you and ...

Instead he is In Bed With You Right Beside Him Looking At Porn. Yeesh. Addicted? What ever. You can't solve this honey. He is not choosing to think of you When You Are Right Next To Him In Bed. How less romantic/caring could he be?

By the way, I'm a guy. I used to watch porn and don't think porn is absolutely destructive, but your boyfriends' behavior leaves no room for you and his choices in behavior show me that he thinks you are the one being unreasonable.

That means he disagrees that porn is harmful to your relationship. I'm not saying he is wrong in that viewpoint, but it is the Opposite from your viewpoint and you should not kid yourself that he can or will change it. He has already shown you he won't change it. Maybe some year he would, but do not wait for that year. You would only be showing him you don't respect yourself, which will erode his attraction to you more and more over time.

This is perhaps happening 'subconsciously', so unfortunately what he does is different than what he says or possibly even different than what he "wants to do". That all just means that you should decide to stay or go Based On His Actions after you cried your heart out to him. You can't decide based on his words, which have proven to be lies.

Sorry kiddo.
Self respect takes months or years to rebuild - don't give up any more of it over this.

Best Wishes.