[Minerva63]

I am 49 years my boyfriend is almost 57, we are dating for the 13month. We started to have problems in the bedroom from the beginning and I thought it would be just a matter of getting used to each other. Unfortunately things are just getting worst in the sex department. Most of the times he can't keep an erection or comes within minutes. In the beginning he made up all kind of excuses, like stuffy nose, cramps in legs, thirsty, out of breath, age and so on. After a couple of month I recognized that short before "falling off "of me his erection slimed down a little. So I figured, he comes up with an excuse in order to hide his ED. It wasn't easy to talk to him about the issue, since I really love everything else about him and I don't want to hurt him or make it even worse. He told me, he hasn't had significant ED issues in the past and came up with an ED medication he bought online. First I was kind of relieved till I did research on his medication. I wanted to make sure he hasn't any physical thing going on. He got a physical including blood work and everything is just fine. One would think everything is alright, but it's NOT. I don't really know if his ED got better, because now we are dealing with PE and I just don't know how to be patient anymore. 4 month ago,I signed up for the online PEGym, this is where guys with ED/PE and other issues can go and get advice. They suggested a program of 90 days exercises to strengthen the pelvic muscles to be in better control of his body. Beside I believe he should have done the resurge on it....but anyway. So, there we are he got started and things improved and I tried to support him telling him how he feels good and hard ( he really did). Well, it didn't last long ...he stopped the exercise and by now nothing works. He comes within 2-4 minutes or he looses it and done. I always had a pretty high sex drive, but ED/PE got to me and I lost my drive. The lack of satisfaction, being fired up for sex and than after a few minutes getting disappointed and left behind unsatisfied most of the times, took my desire for sex with him. I don't even want to start with any sexual activity right now, the emotional pain afterwards just hurts to much. I rather masturbate and that doesn't bring me closer to him or makes anything better.
Last week I went back to the online PEGym and they recommended a book "How to Make Love All Night (and Drive a Woman Wild)" again about pelvic muscle training. I told him and he read it within two days. He started his exercise again and I really hope he takes it sirius this time, because I am not going to live my life frustrated like this even though I like him a lot and think we are so compatible in so many ways.
If I would be a guy with problems like this I would do everything to make myself and my partner happy. I am not asking him to take Viagra or anything like that, just exercise ...am I asking for to much?

[Harmony]

The process of having to resort to online treatments and perform those PC muscle exercises - whilst in his best interests - was probably quite humiliating for him, this was probably compounded by the fact that you - with the best of intentions of course - were the one who encouraged him to do it in the first place.

To answer your question, no, I don't think you're asking too much of him, and it is certainly in both of your interests, his especially, for him to resolve this problem. He's fortunate that you're supportive of him and willing to co-operate with him if he makes an attempt to get to grips with his (rather unfortunate and embarrassing, but not unusual) problem. He should know that if this issue destroys your relationship he'll only end up taking it with him to the next one...

With regard to encouraging him to making a more sincere effort to do these exercises more diligently I think there are two things you could do which would help:

1) encourage him to do the exercises religiously, but be sure not to put him under pressure to perform. This does pretty much leave you on a proverbial tightrope since performance anxiety can be a major cause of sexual problems for men and performance problems can lead to a lack of interest in sex, since not having sex protects the man from sexual 'failure' and the subsequent feelings of humiliation that flow from it.

2) Try and make the entire process fun for him. Try and turn it into a game. Blow-jobs require virtually no effort from the man, you could reward him for doing his exercises with them or even have him do the stop-and-start exercises whilst you give him one. As he's 57 it could be possible he has low testosterone. You say he was checked at the doctor's but I'll bet dollars for doughnuts that they didn't do a full panel of male hormone blood tests. Tell him to go there and insist they do. A lack of testosterone will result in an overall lack of desire; my understanding is that testosterone depletes 1% every year over the age of 40 so it's entirely possible he has, at the age of 57 sub optimal testosterone levels. Another quick fix would be cialis which his doctor would likely prescribe without too much fuss given his situation.

I hope this helps.

[rcoreyus]

One of the things that makes ED or PE worst is worrying and stressing about it, and I'm sure that is what he is doing. There are lots of intimate things other than intercourse that a couple can enjoy together. Try other things for a while and see if the problem starts to fix itself.

[Hajduk26]

I often orgasm within 4 minutes of penetration. Not all the time, but probably most. I still get my woman off (in fact, she typically gets off twice). Use toys and oral, or give the man a break. I'm not 57, but I can be ready to go again in 20-30 minutes and the second round lasts a LOT longer than the first.

[NubbinsUp]

I often orgasm within 4 minutes of penetration. Not all the time, but probably most. I still get my woman off (in fact, she typically gets off twice). Use toys and oral, or give the man a break. I'm not 57, but I can be ready to go again in 20-30 minutes and the second round lasts a LOT longer than the first.

These are excellent suggestions! If he is important to Minerva, then this aspect of sex, assuming he has a healthy circulatory system, is probably just part of who he is. If she wants a rock-hard guy who can last hours, and they are out there, she probably picked the wrong boyfriend.