[mimii]

I don't know what to do anymore, Im starting to get depressed because I think that it's my fault, that he doesn't enjoy the sex with me or something. But I spoke to him and he said that wasn't me, that he loves me and the sex with me, but he just takes too long to cum. We don't have other experiences to compare with, because he lost his virginity with me. It's not a thing that lasts 1 hour. 1 hour it's nothing compared with what he can do. And I do everything, even things I don't like that much, to please him, and still 9 out of 10 times he has to finish himself. That's if he even CAN finish before we both get tired and can't do more. Any ideas to help please ?
Thank You.

[kira]

If he can't even finish himself I would suggest seeing a doctor as something is likely wrong. Other health issues like fitness level and lifestyle can contribute to sexual problems as well as hormone levels being off or stress and all sorts of variables we don't know. Talking to a doctor would be best. Usually a urologist for these sorts of things.

[mimii]

Thank you kira.
I will sugest that to him , but i've been thinking, and he's young (he just made 22, two days ago) and I think the problem here is that he masturbates too much. I don't blame him in certain way because we se eachother just every 10 days or so... So maybe the problem is that ? Just an idea....

[DreamP346]

You mention he has to finish himself. There can be several issues, but we would need to know a little more. Does your partner watch a lot of porn. This problem is common is men who watch a lot of porn. Often abstaining from porn will solve the issue.

When he masturbates, he may have such a tight grip that nothing else works. Abstaining from masturbation often helps.

Is he nervous about performance and pleasing you? This can often cause men to have problems ejaculating. Also, some men just have more difficulty ejaculating. Don't get so hung up on him cumming. As long as you are both sexually satisfied, it should not be a necessary goal. Him not cumming often has little to do with him not being attracted to you.

You say he lost his virginity to you. Sex when first starting out can be a learning experience (actually it will continue to be one all your life, but especially the first few years). Its normal to not have things go exactly the way you expected.

[Sunlight72]

^^^ There's the good info!

The most likely problem is his masturbating. If he's doing that while watching porn, that's a double whammy.

Good news - there is a direct solution! He needs to abstain from porn and masturbating. It will work.

Bad news - It won't be easy for him. If you don't see each other often it will mean he needs to find something else to occupy his mind and body with.

His subconscious and conscious both have to have a little time to re-wire, which means his sexual outlet needs to be just you. Only you. It might take a month or so, but it will definitely work unless he has some serious other health issue.

He needs to decide that his man-stuff is now yours. Not his to touch or pleasure.

[Harmony]

If he couldn't cum at all ever then it's likely retarded ejaculation, since he can finish himself off it cannot be that.

Look on the bright side, most males in his circumstances ejaculate virtually instantly, leaving their partner just as frustrated, but having only had less than one minute of sex. You get the frustration a man's first sexual partner usually has, but you get hours' of sex too, it could be worse.

Just like women, a man not climaxing from sex doesn't mean she didn't enjoy it.

I would also x2 the advice of him abstaining from masturbating, this should make a big difference, if he's a young healthy guy ejaculating 3-4 times daily every day may well not be a problem for him, if he refrains from masturbating the 'build up' should shorten his performance.

Also, try cranking up the noises you make, those wonderful melodious purring sounds women make when they're enjoying themselves; also, if he like you talking to him work that too. Gauge his response to you and as you see him becoming excited continue doing whatever it is your doing that he likes (but don't overdo it, although many men LOVE the exaggerated theatrical moaning in porn. You know him so tailor it to his needs) and crank it up a level or two. Once you're doing this you need to remain in control of him and maintain the pace you're having sex at (easiest with you on top probably) at least slightly faster than he would if he were doing it. Then just keep going, not giving him a chance to recompose or regain control of himself, until he literally explodes. Remember the signs of a man about to cum are groaning/panting/shortness of breath and increased swelling of the penis, look out for these and they'll assist you.

I'd say if anything were going to do it, I'd say this will, especially on top of the new no masturbating policy.

[Harmony]

Sorry I tried to edit that since the information is a bot scattershot but it timed out and I lost it.

[rcoreyus]

Its not that uncommon. A few questions / comments:

Are you completely protected against pregnancy? If not, the he may be worried about that.

Do you live together? If so, how do you "schedule" sex? If you aren't already doing so, maybe having sex when he particularly feels like it could help.

Will he let you watch him masturbate? If so you can see what works for him. Even if you need to use your hands for a while, once he gets used to finishing with you, things may improve.

Does he have any particular activities or fantasies that he enjoys and will share? You don't need to go along with things you don't like, but try to listen without making fun of him - there may be things you would be happy to do for him but that he is embarrassed to ask for. (of course he should do the same for you).

For some men things can to two ways. Either finish quickly, or it takes a really long time. Maybe he is holding off early on in order to please you, but then gets desensitized. If so, you can do things to finish him quickly at the start without worrying about you. Then he can please you when he has recovered.

In some ways this problem is like premature ejaculation - the more he worries about it, the worse it gets. One reasonably approach is to just not worry, take the stress away. Enjoy yourselves in bed, and let him finishing himself be part of your normal activities, not something you do because you "failed".

Does he please you in bed?

[mimii]

Thank You

Thank you all for the answers. I was just looking for some ideas, but i guess that i've tried them all, And i know what he likes most, and that helps a lot. The problem here, that it's not that big, isn't he cumming or not at all. Is that this thing frustates me, because in my mind i think '' if he can't cum, i don't please him '' he says to me that it's not that, that I please him in every way possible, I believe him, but still I can't stop feeling frustated sometimes. Yes he pleases me in bed, that's another thing, he's worried more about pleasing me than himself, that's a thing i don't complain about because i know there's some men that don't worry about their partner at all, but i just feel bad sometimes because it seems that it's only me that gets the pleasure.
My only fear in this, is that, like he never tried with another woman, he could think in do it to see if it's diferent, or if he likes more. That's my fear. Once I caught some conversations on his pc including some photos of a girl that sended to him and he sent to her too. sexual things. I forgave because, well, internet, guys who are young and every girl who undresses to them they go all crazy and stuff. And i know the weren't and will never be togheter for real... and he stopped to talk to her after that... I don't know srsly what am i steping for. We don't live togheter. we are 80km distance from eachother, i work but almost every day off i have i go there. Because of that distance i don't blame him about the porn issue, maybe when he get's older, and if he move togheter he will loose that. I don't know.

[rcoreyus]

If he says he is happy, then believe him. Consider yourself lucky to have a man who cares about you.