[Kranky]

Sometimes when I have an orgasm I get real bad anxiety.

I get this anxiety because sometimes they don't feel good and I really want them to feel good so I'm worried that when I start having an orgasm, it's not going to feel good. If that makes sense!

I only want to have an orgasm when I won't get this anxiety.

But most of the time, I won't feel worried UNTIL I start having an orgasm.

PLEASE ANSWER THIS:

How do I know when I'll be worried or not, because I don't want to do it if I'll feel really worried?

[venusinfurs]

It sounds like you are being too concerned about holding back your body's natural process, and trying to be mentally controlling of the natural reaction you are having to pleasure [orgasm].

It's actually best to just orgasm naturally and get 'lost in the moment' because worrying or trying to mentally control your body's actions will often lead to a more lackluster climax and not as fun of a sexual experience. Just relaxing and getting lost in the sensation is much better. It's actually not abnormal to delay orgasm a little bit versus giving into the sensation and orgasming right away, but it sounds different than what you are doing. I think if you are concerned about having 'weak' orgasms, you should do this: take on an uncaring and free attitude ONE time when you have sex or masturbate. Let yourself orgasm without any mental interference, as hard as this may sound. See if it's as weak or unpleasing as you anticipated, and then take things from there. Practice delaying orgasm mentally. Maybe use a sex toy, or whatever works for you. But it seems like you really need to give your body a chance and let go at least once before you judge it!

[shoshannah]

One of the best pieces of advice that I heard when I was learning to have orgasms with my boyfriend was that worrying about orgasm is self-defeating. The more you worry about having one (or whether it will be good or not, or too soon, or too late, or whatever), the more likely you are not to have one.

so I would strongly second what venus said. You may not orgasm every time, and some orgasms are just going to be better than others. The thing to do is just to let yourself enjoy the process of sex or masturbation or whatever and not get hung up on the end result. If you reach orgasm, fine. If not, fine. Maybe that will help you stop being anxious, which is self-defeating.

Try this approach for a few months and see if it helps. If not, you may want to talk with a therapist, especially if you have had any big negative experiences in your sexual or romantic life.

Hope this helps!