[brownyj23]

Hey everybody, got a question. My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost two years, prior to our relationship we were best friends I am 20 she is 19. She has been with other guys and I have been with another girl. After we started dating our sex life was great. However, I could count the amount of times we have had sex in the last 6 months on one hand. Also during those times they almost seemed rushed rather than just enjoying eachother. Every time we have had sex I have allowed her to get off first and I do everything I can to make her experience enjoyable. For the last 6 months I have been trying to get her to have sex and I constantly get rejected. I give her back rubs, take her out to eat and stuff, nothing too out of the ordinary, light candles, try to be romantic, send her sweet texts during the day, make her something warm to drink while she is in the shower, basically everything I can to be a good boyfriend. However, any time I try to be romantic or cuddle up on her she basically shoos me away. I try to kiss and be sweet on her but there is always an excuse. She tells me how much she loves me and stuff every day but I can't help but be frustrated. Any ideas? Any comment is appreciated. Thank you.

[Guest]

How about a face to face conversation? Some place quiet without a lot of distractions and no hint of you desiring anything more than just trying to get to the bottom of what has OBVIOUSLY been a problem for six months.

One and a half years of great sex and then this ? for the last six months....A big red flag!!

Something is going on and you need to, as a couple, get to the bottom of it. A lack of sex or even interest in it is a warning sign that something else is going on...with her, with you, with you as a couple.

It may sound a little crazy...but try this...Sit directly across from one another in two chairs and get close enough that at least one of your knees touches one of her knees..."get in her space". There is something to be said about communicating with another when you are so close to each other that your knees touch and yes, there has even been quite a bit of research on the subject.

Sounds a bit crazy perhaps but then again, so does continuing with what you're doing and expecting different results - IMO.

When the fabulous sex returns, don't make her reaching orgasm like a chore that you need to get done. I applaud you for focusing your attention on her and wanting her to realize sexual satisfaction but too much can take away a lot of what sex is all about. You should focus on her needs being met because you love, honor and appreciate her not because you feel it's your obligation to do so. Take joy and satisfaction in the realization that that beautiful woman next to you, gets so excited by you, that she can't control herself!!

I am frequently euphoric myself by the sheer realization that I have made my SO feel so good that sometimes, as she has said "it is beyond description". That's all the mental orgasm I need....

Finally, may I recommend a book? She Comes First by Dr. Ian Kerner Ph.D I've read mine so many times the pages are dog eared.

There are so many ways to turn a female on...a few of them are....patience, honor, respect, decency, sincerity and showing her, not telling her, that you are willing to do what is necessary to figure it out and work it out...whatever IT is...together.

If you don't..then at least be respectful enough to tell her that too. In an honest and respectful manner.

[MoeJr]

I can some this one up with a lot less words than seeker Haha Back off buster ! I would bet money on it that she is thinking your all about the sex. Sweet talk her, charm her, etc. etc. but then need sex after........Just my opinion.

[rcoreyus]

Sadly this is pretty common (for both men an women). Try to talk to her and find out why. If it is just that she has less interest in sex, it may not get better, and you need to decide if you want to continue to live this way.

[venusinfurs]

I agree with every other poster that open communication that is sincere and non-threatening is the best route.

It's obviously not working with you taking an affectionate and compassionate approach with foreplay and then trying to initiate sex. So reaching out to her in that way is obviously not going to work anymore. It's clear to me that you sound like a thoughtful man, so that is not the issue here. I think it is really a matter of trying to discover what her emotions and thought processes are at this time, and what has happened to make such a drastic change for you two. These things clearly aren't easy to do but absolutely necessary to heal the relationship or find closure. Good luck.