[recyclopsbtb]

Alright so here's the backstory.
My boyfriend is 21, and I am 19. We have been together a little over 7 months. We love each other and I stay over at his house overnight frequently.
But I can never seem to get him to want to have sex (at least as much as I would like to.)

And of course after being turned down time and time again, this was slowly chipping away at my self esteem until finally I started crying, which alarmed him and I told him how I felt.

I said that I try to be intimate with him and be sexy for him and I feel that it's constantly ignored. I also said that we barely ever have sex (we have sex maybe once a week, but sometimes 3-4 when I'm lucky).
I said it makes me feel like there's something wrong with me and that I'm unattractive to him.

He said that he felt awful about this and that him not being attracted to me is not it. He said that he loves me with all of his heart and that he's not a "sex fiend", and he doesn't want it to be a constant thing, because he says it'll get boring. He said he wants it to be something special.

He is a really sweet guy and I can respect that, but that doesn't help my situation. I still have a high sex drive and I find it hard to resist him when I'm around him. I always want to touch him and be close to him. I don't want him to think I'm only with him for sex, but I do have a high sex drive that I feel should be satisfied.

I don't want to cheat or leave him. I do masturbate but that just isn't the same.

What can I do? How can we come to a compromise on this? I don't want fighting about this to lead to the end of our relationship because that would break my heart.

Help!

[Harmony]

buy yourself a good vibrator and get him to use it on you ;-)

[DreamP346]

When you had the conversation about sex with your boyfriend, was he willing to compromise or was his attitude more like "this is how I think our sex life should be and that is all I'm willing to give"? If he is not willing to meet you half way and work towards satisfying your needs then you have two choices: accept that you will forever is sexually frustrated with this partner or leave him. If he is willing to compromise, sit down and talk about what you both want sexually from the relationship. Explore non traditional types of sex so it doesn't become boring for him.

[Guest]

Sex...boring? No way! Perhaps the "old fashioned" man on top get it over with quick method but nothing since.

Frankly, bluntly, I think he's making excuses. Is this the way he is about everything? Ho hum dum de dum?

There are so many ways to add variety to your sex life... lingerie, toys, books, videos, games, lotions, oils, scents.

This is obviously a HIM problem that you need to try and help HIM do something about. Does he read? She Comes First by Dr. Ian Kerner Ph.D A really good book to help men put their women first in order to realize maximum pleasure for both when intimate.

A good place to start...

[jns]

It sounds like you two are of different sex drives. It also sounds like the compromising has been on your side. The person with the lower sex drive usually controls the frequency of sex in a relationship. Can you continue like this over the long term?

[kira]

I'd tell him you'll just have to make sure to stay creative then. There's plenty of things to do especially if you throw toys in the mix. You could also have just toy sessions to satisfy you while keeping sex as a more special thing.

[JonDoe]

You will never truly be happy in any relationship if your intimacy needs are not satisfied. And by intimacy, I mean far more than simple penis in vagina sex. Your boyfriend needs to realize that he is causing you emotional pain. Some people get it right away when you explain it in terms of feelings rather than you want more sex. Unfortunately, some never realize the pain they are causing their significant other regardless of the forms of verbal and non-verbal communication. Trust me, unfortunately I know from experience.

[PinkySweet]

Me and my husband have been together for 3 years now and the only time ever has turned down sex was when he was completely utterly tired. Usually I know when hes extremely tried and wont bother him but we always manage to be intimate, even if not sexually...

Talk to him about going to a sex store and picking some stuff out or get one of those position apps on your phone. Tell him theres always a millions ways to spice sex up, if he gets boring.

[recyclopsbtb]

We talked about it last night and he agreed to make a "Clone A Willy" with me. We also did it twice yesterday ;D

I think he is probably being genuine about wanting sex to be a special thing and not revolve our relationship around it. Hopefully having a toy copy of his member will keep me occupied until we can compromise further.

Also to the person above, he was not dead set on "this is how it's going to be", he is very sweet and considerate of my feelings. I'm sure we'll work something out. Thanks everyone'

[shoshannah]

It sounds like you're on the right track and have gotten good advice, but I'll add mine too. :-)

A relationship is definitely about compromise, and that means BOTH partners giving in to a degree. I actually think that it's a great thing for you in theory if your boyfriedn doesn't want the relationship to be just about sex, so you should appreciate that he likes you for you. But it sounds like he's taking that too far. If he wants sex to be a special thing, he either needs to compromise on that a little, or he has to learn (with your help) to see sex as special more often than he does. But either way, if you're already compromising, he has to modify his behavior. But you also have to get him to do that without resenting you. You could get him to write downa description of his ideal sex life--how often, when, things that he finds sexy, etc--and then get him to write down things that he could realistically agree to. You could do the same. Then make a contract that you both agree on.

HTH.