[Crazy Toes]

I am in LOVE with my boyfriend! He is who I have been searching for all of my years. I am the luckiest woman to have him. Out of the bedroom he makes me feel so good. In the bedroom he is master of the universe. The problem I am having is not something I can talk to him about because it makes him angry, I also don't think he will compassionately understand. He is also under an insurmountable amount of stress, which I don't want to add to. For the last few months, when we have sex, it starts for me, ends for him, and I am left high and dry. The thing is, and the part I don't think he will understand, is that sex with him is more than just a physical act. It's electric, that is the only way to describe it. I don't even masturbate anymore because I am angrier than I am when he and I are done, well, when he is done. I try to hide it but he sees something is wrong immeditely and has mentionedmhow I don't smile anymore. I think I am becoming depressed from it. I feel as though I don't get enough time with him. I got himna "Viagra" type pill but he won't take it for me. That is why I got it, for he and I to have like an entire night of it together. I don't know what to do, as I have never been in this situation, nor have I ever had pthe attraction or feelings that I do, for any other human. I need him in my life. Nhe has become a part of me and very special. Can someone help me with this stupid, petty issue?

[JonDoe]

The answer to your concerns lies in the single statement from your post.

He is also under an insurmountable amount of stress, which I don't want to add to.

If you truly love him, during this time of "insurmountable stress", be a loving partner, put your needs aside and be there for him. Help him through this crisis with your unconditional love and support. If he truly loves you as much as you love him, then he will genuinely appreciate your acts of unselfish kindness for many years to come. Your love and bond will grow stronger, and the rewards will be far greater then what you feel you are missing today. Let empathy, compassion and love be your guide.

[Guest]

A "Viagra type" pill...

There are only three approved products on the market to treat ED...Cialis, Levitra and Viagra and all are only available by prescription. If you obtained some "herbal form" of one of these you are playing with fire. Since the entire supplement industry/racket is not regulated by the FDA in the U.S. almost anything goes. The labeling on the packaging goes through much more scrutiny then does the contents of the garbage that is often sold inside it.

I am a bit confused by what you said... If his stress was impacting his intimacy, he would not be able to perform or finish, yet he is able to do both. You are the one who is left "high and dry", which makes no sense...

As for his "insurmountable amount of stress" while I agree that it can be a significant factor in his inability to perform during acts of intimacy, it's also a bit of an excuse - IMO. If he is dealing with a lot of stress then he needs to find a way of dealing with it so that the impact on his relationship, in the bedroom and out of it is less. Long walks in beautiful places, working out at a fitness center, Yoga, swimming, weekly massage....something.

Our worlds are full of stresses and stressors and to not learn how to deal with them can and will cause all sorts of problems for him health wise in the future.

As for him meeting and exceeding your needs, which if he really cares about you he will want to do, I'd suggest a book She Comes First by Dr. Ian Kerner Ph.D

[rcoreyus]

This is NOT a stupid petty issue - a good sex life is absolutely vital to a happy relationship (otherwise its just friendship). You need to let him know what you want - not by complaining, but just asking. Is it possible he doesn't realize that you are feeling deprived? I've also gone through stressful times in my life, but its never reduced my desire to please my wife.

If his problem is just that he can't maintain an erection, then he can please you in other ways.

There was a long time where my wife had very little interest in sex, and when we did, it was all about her. This lead to increasing frustration and resentment and very nearly destroyed our relationship. You really need to address this.

[fastaruk]

Let him read the post (or give him the info verbally). When he asks what he's doing wrong, tell him. Be sure to tell him how hot and sexy he is, to protect that fragile male ego.

Or you could introduce toys into your lovemaking. The We Vibe is a great one to start with.

If he doesn't get feedback from you during sex, he might not know what he's doing wrong. In that case, you might need to know how to ask for what you want. Body language is key.. Get on top and put him in the right place. If it works out, tell him how awesome the sex was and why. Be specific without seeming instructive. Try different positions. Check out the sex section at Barnes and Noble. They have some good Kama Sutra books.

[fastaruk]

You can also try a position that lets you control tempo, like 69. Pay attention to his cues and move toward "member-adjacent areas" before he comes. It's likely he'll service you more vigorously. He might become too rough, but you can always ask him to "slow down, tiger."

[MoeJr]

Personally I don't believe it it stress at all. Many men have the same issue. Like you stated it STARTS with you and ends with him. For a lot of men their minds get too involved in the act after they begin that they don't shut it down to wait for you. Most women take much longer to become sexually aroused both mind and body than men. So your solution is TAKE CONTROL of the situation. When you know he is getting close ( now your going to have to watch for it a couple times ) make him switch positions, and take you time doing so. that gives him a chance to relax, cool down, and start over. Stay away from sensitive areas, keep him horny, hard, but never let him get too far until your ready. Many men, and I'm willing to bet yours will too, find it very much a turn on! Good Luck!

[Scintillating]

By "starts for you" are we talking 5 minutes to climax or 20? If you all need is another few minutes then talk to him about a prolong cream. Find something mild or he may have an issue with loosing his erection, but its something that he may actually really enjoy once he gets accostomed to it.

[Harmony]

OP, is the sexual problem a symptom of the stress, or is the stress a symptom of the sexual problem? We cannot advise accurately until this has been established.

Common sense would dictate that if he has, for example, recently been promoted at work and is struggling with the new workload, and consequently his sexual performance has been suffering you should cut the guy some slack and seek to reduce the stress, not add to it.

Alternatively, if he's been experiencing sexual problems and is now at boiling point stress wise as a result of this, then it may be advisable to initiate some kind of solution.

Good luck

[Tanya87]

I know how you feel :,( I am 25 and my partner is 26 we've been together to 2 years and as usual things were great to start with, then it took a dramatic dive and I'm "lucky" if I get it once a week. It really gets me down n I feel angry n depressed about it all the time, I feel like its destroying me sometimes. We've spoken about it many many times and it doesnt make a difference, nearly every argument we have is based on this but he's not willing to change. He's admitted he has a problem but doesn't want to do anything different n then turns it around on me by asking if I still want to b with him n if I do then I have to deal with it and I feel like I'm gonna crack up. It doesn't help that I know he "sorts himself out" instead of coming to me. I love him with all my heart but I don't know if I can live with this for the rest of my life.

I've even thought about going on antidepressants so that my drive lowers and I am somewhat numb to my feelings, I just don't know what to do, I love this man, we have a child together and are engaged and he's only the second person I've ever been with. I just don't understand why he won't do anything about it n it kills my self esteem so much, I hate going to bed because I want to have that connection with him n I know its not happening, even if I hint at it he'll tell me I've got "no chance" and always some lame excuse :,( I've tried dressing up, been spontanus etc. nothing works! I can't sleep at night because I'm angry with him and paranoid that he's sorting himself out slyly beside me in bed, I feel like I'm going crazy!

Sorry for the long post, I don't really have anyone I can speak to in detail about this and just needed to get it of my chest, I feel like screaming sometimes :,,,(