[Neon_Black]

I've been in this relationship for three and a half years.WE are having sexual problems for three years now.
In the beginning it was all fantastic!We were seeing each other every other day, having sex like CRAZY.We had sex 3 times a night every time it lasted an hour..Problems started occurring six months into relationship.
When we started living together.We've stopped having sex gradually within a month..When I asked him what was problem, he was apologizing and said it wasn't me it was him, he's relaxed in relationship and got a little chubby and that is what bothers him.I've said OK, I LOVE YOU AND YOU ARE SEXY, but if it bothers you that much you do something about it.Situation was a little better for some time, but then his mother died. And a few days after that he said to me :"Don't be mad at me, I won't be able to have sex for some time..I just can't do that.We were FUC****ING, while she was dying"...I felt bad that he said it that way, but I understood.After a few months we stopped having sex completely. He wasn't initializing it, he wasn't looking at me sexually, he wasn't touching me in sexual way. I was trying to be sexy, to initialize it but I was IGNORED, not refused IGNORED.And I started to feel silly, and ashamed, and wrong. Then we talked about it, we were fighting, crying, he admitted that he lost his drive, and that he doesn't know why. When I asked was it because of that mother thing, he said no.He said just that he doesn't feel like it, and when he does feel like it, he doesn't have the will to initialize it.Then we made and agreement that we will try to fix the problem, together.We'll make sex schedule and we will do it.
Then,it was better for some time. We had sex three times that week, it wasn't mind blowing like it used to be, but it was good..And then he stopped ..again..I didn't want to talk about it this time..I tried to play a game..You don't want me?Then I don't want you either..He didn't even noticed.Two months we weren't having sex.I wanted to kill myself I was so depressed.Then we were fighting, and talked, and made a promise we will try.So we tried, but the only one who was trying was I.We were having sex, but ...he didn't want to do anything.I noticed that he doesn't enjoy it, he doesn't enjoy touching me , he just let me do all the work, and then rushes me after 20 minutes to finish because he is so horny he could not hold it in anymore..So I let it...and I let it..and then one time when we started to warm up for the sex, I notice that he is not touching me AGAIN, and I GOT angry..and we got into fight, and we\ve stopped having sex for a while, again.And I tried again, I talked again, then he said that the problem is because we fought about sex, now he only thinks of negative things when he thinks about sex.And that passed..
And I was still trying..In the mean time, he gained some weight, stopped caring for himself, or his appearance , he doesn't shower, or wash his teeth, he 's always dirty, and I don't know what to do..When we want to have sex, when we manage to have it spontaneously, without crying, and fighting and begging we CAN'T because he didn't take a shower.Now we are three and a half yrs into relations ship, we are having problems with our sex life, I'm angry and frustrated, and his only idea of fourplay is to go and wash HIS AS****. He doesn't try, at all, he doesn't enjoy touching me, and when he does, he doesn't want to do it the way I like it, he wants to do it his way..Only time he was interested in sex, was when he hurt his ball and doctor said him he cannot have sex for a month or he will be sterilized, then he was all over me, and then he wanted to do it, so he did it right.

We are young we are in our late twenties, our relationship is young.He is a great guy, he cares for me, he loves me, but I don't want to be his friend and roommate.I want to be his girlfriend, I want him to see me as a woman, I want him to sex me all the time.

Does anyone, anyone knows what might be a solution to our problem.(He doesn't have ED, or premature ejaculation, we don't have STDs, he doesn't cheat, we are together all the time)

I'm sorry that this txt is sooo long, but my emotions started pouring out, I'm so angry and frustrated all the time, and lonely.

Thank you for taking your time to read this

[lovexlaugh]

I think he has a lot of emotional baggage he is dealing with. This could be from the loss of his mother (even though he says it doesnt effect him) or maybe his decline in self confidence. When someone doesn't "love" themself in a healthy way, they don't take care of themself. This could be in the form of stopping showering, eating bad food, gaining weight. They see whats happening to themselves, and they hate it. They can't imagine the thought of someone else seeing them in a very vulnerable position, e.g. sex.

Or, on the other hand, it could be something as simple as the excitement going out of your relationship.

I really hope things work out for you!

[Letsgo1]

You mentioned you are with each other all the time. That could be a problem. You might need some space. Have your own hobbies do things with friends. That would be healthier for your relationship. He sounds extremely depressed. Maybe a good idea would be for both of you to commit to a gym. That's one of the best things to improve your sex life. Especially for him. Getting back in shape lifting weights and eating right will spike his testosterone to its peak level. Set a goal for yourselves. Maybe a weekend trip or whatever you can afford so there's is another reward. I know once I lost 50+ pounds and got myself down to a semi muscular 170lbs my testosterone shot up and so did my sex drive. It would do you both good. As a first step.

[jns]

When we started living together.We've stopped having sex gradually within a month..When I asked him what was problem, he was apologizing and said it wasn't me it was him, he's relaxed in relationship and got a little chubby and that is what bothers him.I've said OK, I LOVE YOU AND YOU ARE SEXY, but if it bothers you that much you do something about it.Situation was a little better for some time, but then his mother died. And a few days after that he said to me :"Don't be mad at me, I won't be able to have sex for some time..I just can't do that.We were FUC****************ING, while she was dying"...I felt bad that he said it that way, but I understood.After a few months we stopped having sex completely.

.....

And I was still trying..In the mean time, he gained some weight, stopped caring for himself, or his appearance , he doesn't shower, or wash his teeth, he 's always dirty, and I don't know what to do..When we want to have sex, when we manage to have it spontaneously, without crying, and fighting and begging we CAN'T because he didn't take a shower.Now we are three and a half yrs into relations ship, we are having problems with our sex life, I'm angry and frustrated, and his only idea of fourplay is to go and wash HIS AS****************. He doesn't try, at all, he doesn't enjoy touching me, and when he does, he doesn't want to do it the way I like it, he wants to do it his way..Only time he was interested in sex, was when he hurt his ball and doctor said him he cannot have sex for a month or he will be sterilized, then he was all over me, and then he wanted to do it, so he did it right.

I think he is depressed. The lack of hygiene and grooming is probably symptoms of that. He should see a psychiatrist to be sure to get help. I also suspect that he has tied things together wrong when his mother died and he now sees sex as being disrespectful of his mother. Taking away sex acted as reverse psychology, making him want it again.

If he is depressed, proper treatment could get the old him back, but it may take time.

[MoeJr]

I think he is depressed. The lack of hygiene and grooming is probably symptoms of that. He should see a psychiatrist to be sure to get help. .

I agree with jns totally! Sure seems to be depression, and not to be taken lightly. Depression at this level can be devastating! Mentally, physically, and emotionally. Destroying not only his life but everyone around him if help is not sought out. Not many can deal with depression this deep on there own. Seek help ! If you can't get him somewhere on your own, talk to friends, relatives, etc. to help you.