[margie123]

My husband of 26 years, love him, love him. I have found lately at 3-4 am he is watching HBO porno, we just got 3- free months. We do rent movie's to watch together 2-3 times a month, before we got HBO. I am sleeping, but of course I wake up. I listen for a while though he keeps the volume way down. If I turn over to see what he watching he quick turns the channel, I'll ask what are you watching, he won't answer. Then after I watch with him flipping thru the channels he'll go back to the HBO channel. Make small talk about what there doing. So my plight he watches for 1/2 hour or so, I watch about 5 minutes & he's all over me. But I'm not to the point he is. He's all into it & I'm not, because I upset he getting Horney watching these girls & well they get him going. I've asked him wake me up & I'll watch with you, but he never does. Then he gets upset when I don't orgasm in in 3- minutes. Well your way ahead of me in the excitement department. Question, do you think while were doing it he is thinking of me or the TV girls. He has come a long way, he was very selfish at one time, but thru many talk, argument ect he does try to please me, but he skips over the foreplay, feels I get foreplay when I go down on him, Any advise would be great. Also I think from watching there girls on TV he thinks what’s the problem? They can cum with regular intercourse. He has said he feels I don't love him because I can't do it with regular intercourse. I've explained that most can't, they need other stimulation. Help me

[Letsgo1]

From what I get out of this this is what's happening inside your husbands head. He's trying to recreate what is happening in these movies. Which is completely unrealistic. The girls in these movies are actresses paid to do a role. The majority of them do not even orgasm. He sees these unusually large penises "supposedly" giving these girls orgasms he might feel at this point this what he needs to make you orgasm thus flipping out when you try watching it and that might make him feel threatened. Guy is going to quickly lose his confidence if he continues down this road. You need to clearly explain to him your body is different and it takes other things to get you to climax. I know when I watch porn I think about how I can not wait to get my hands on my girl. So I doubt he's thinking about other girls. Porn can be a good fun thing but not when a couple can't even understand each others bodies. Assure him he is capable of giving you an orgasm and that he just needs to listen to you.

[rcoreyus]

I'm a guy. I have no objection to porn itself, but here it seems to be interfering with your sex life, is making him a poor and selfish lover. That IS a big problem. Some men take great pride in being good lovers - maybe that is a way to approach this problem with him?

[KMonte85]

You mentioned he gets upset if you don't orgasm within a few moments of intercourse. How does he get upset? Does he tell you there's something wrong with you?

I'm sure he's LESS selfish sexually than he was, but it sounds like he's still quite selfish. You giving him oral sex is supposed to be foreplay for YOU? Does he not understand the dynamics of sexual stimulation?

You may have told him that you need more, but he's not getting it. Apparently, this needs to be DRIVEN into his head. You love him, of course, but you're not going to get off the way the actresses in the movies do. If he wants to please you, he has to listen to you about your needs. Sex is supposed to be the grand finale to what is a very fun and pleasurable journey leading up to it. If he gets all hot and bothered by himself, what does he expect you to do?

Maybe turn the tables.. ask him how he would feel if you got hot on your own, and then insisted (with no stimulation from you) that he get fully erect and orgasm within a 3 minute time frame with no prior warning or time to "get warm" so to speak. It's unrealistic, and it's not fair of him to put those unrealistic expectations on you.

[rcoreyus]

One other thought. Since he's watching porn anyway, maybe go on the internet and watch some amateur / homemade porn made by couples who are just doing it for fun. Its a lot closer to the interaction of real people than commercial stuff is.

[jns]

I'm sure he's LESS selfish sexually than he was, but it sounds like he's still quite selfish.

I agree, he has a way to go. Is he afraid of giving you oral or does it only a little bit? How about him masturbating you? How do you usually reach orgasm? Does he ever try to give you multiples? A 3 minute time limit is unrealistic.

[PatrickJW]

The other thing that can happen with to much porn internet or TV is dependency on it & it becoming more fulfilling then ones partner. The idea of "real couples" doing it, filming it & posting it is a great one, "to do together"! We sometimes do & it's a geat bit of fun!!

[margie123]

He has tries to give me oral, oh boy twice, but it's like he starts & that's it, he said I smell, but that a excuse, because I always shower before bed. I could never hold back a blow job because he's not giving oral, he would hit the roof. The first time I gave him oral it was about 15 years into out marrage & he demanded it, I did not want to so he said fine I'll get it elsewhere & left the house. I know he would never. So when he came back I gave it to him but it was not enjoable for me. But I kinda enjoy it at times. Also if we make up after a fight he wants to go at it, I'm always doing to much thinking. I can't orgasm with man on top. I need stimulation, whicj he does but usually when he good & hot from watching movies. I have to really concentrate to orgasm, if the news is on or if he says are you almost done, what's taking so long, you might as well hang it up. I have to be thinking about his big ---- inside me, and kissing & breast feeling helps. But alot of times I'll say suck on my breast or kiss me it's like he won't because I've asked. strange.

[jns]

I truly believe that guys who don't want to give a woman oral will come up with almost any excuse. I have given oral to a number of women and none of them had an objectionable odor. Also, the view when giving oral is much better than porno and it's interactive to boot.

That is not to say I haven't been near women with objectionable body odor on the street or other places. I would suppose they would be objectionable all over their bodies.

[dyunysus]

Your man is a tool. He does not go down on you, but you have to go down on him. Thats just not right. As far as the porn thing, i watch it to. Only because my wife has not interest in it. She thinks i am thinking about the hot girls when we have sex (honestly that is true sometimes). I have been with the same women since i was a teenager. At first she never let me go down on her, she said she did not like it. I said then you have never had it done right. Now she always wants my head between her legs when we are intimate. I have and still do get her to orgasm and squirt on my face, that was awesome by the way. I guess because for me it is all about getting her off, that is what works for me. If she is not enjoying it then i am not enjoying it either. Well good luck.