[Nicole88]

My husband and I have been married for two years. He was basically my first. I say basically because I had only had sex once before I met him. During the three years together I've only had one orgasm. I realize that I should most likely know this stuff at 24 but I don't understand why I just can't get there. I don't know what we could do different. Being as my experience with sex before we got together was litteraly one time I still feel like a newbie and even emberrassed to talk about it with him. What do I do?

[DreamP346]

Can you orgasm through self masturbation? First you need to learn to orgasm by yourself. And then you can teach your partner how to bring you to orgasm.

Don't worry. Many people don't ask the same question you are asking until much later in life. Sometimes it takes a whole lifetime to learn how to enjoy sex to its fullest.

[Element]

Communication. Being able to communicate and talk about things is necessary for all guards to be down so you can open up and enjoy making love. I know how hard it is to openly talk about sex with your significant other. My boyfriend of almost 2 years is my first and only. All of my experience comes from me being with him. I depend a lot on his prior experience and him being able to read me for our rendezvous to be enticing.

Another factor is you knowing yourself. Explore yourself, find what works, what angles are nice, and share this with him. It will take some time for his touch to work for you, for him to learn your body, the signs you'll give off of what is working, what you need more of. But half the fun is getting there, literally. By doing this, every sexual encounter with him is new, it's adventurous, and you're both learning.

There is also you both speaking about what you are interested in, what you would like to try. There is so much out there for you two to explore together. Always try things slowly, never just jump in. Research things, talk about it before doing it. Doing this makes me more comfortable because then I know what we're doing, what to expect, and what I should be doing.

[swathy]

You can try self masturbation

[jns]

During the three years together I've only had one orgasm. I realize that I should most likely know this stuff at 24 but I don't understand why I just can't get there. I don't know what we could do different. Being as my experience with sex before we got together was litteraly one time I still feel like a newbie and even emberrassed to talk about it with him. What do I do?

One thing you can do it consider the one time you did have an orgasm. What was different that time? Also, what is your normal routine for making love? Foreplay? Oral? Masturbation?

[kira]

Are you trying to have orgasms through penetration alone? That doesn't work for most women. Most need some clitoral stimulation and plenty of foreplay not just sex by itself. It's quite frequent that the toys come out after sex because I don't finish as well as he does. We both need different things to reach orgasm and that's true for a lot of women.

[lovexlaugh]

I was in a sexual relationship with my ex for 2 years, I didn't orgasm once, despite having sex on a regular basis (approx 3 times a week). I broke up with him for unrelated reasons, eventually got with my current partner. I was the same, never orgasming. Finally, I did once, and then my body seemed to know what was going on and now I almost always orgasm.

My advice would be to stop worrying about it, relax, and it will come with time.

[Nicole88]

This is probably worse but I've never masturbated. I was never sure what to do.

[jns]

I will assume that you don't know all of your parts around your vulva. In Wikipedia look up vagina. On the right side of the page is a labeled picture of a vulva. You can also look up vulva in Wikipedia and go down the right side of the page and find a similar labeled picture. What you want to stimulate for masturbation is labeled in one picture as the clitoris and in the other picture as the glans clitoris. Glans clitoris is the more technical name for the structure pointed at. It is where your labia minora come together above the opening of your urethra (where you pee).

The glans clitoris has a very high concentration of nerve endings. Stimulating it correctly can lead to orgasm for many women. Of course all women are somewhat different and what works for one may not work for another. Some like a light touch, some like a heavy touch. When the clitoris is aroused, it engorges with blood and the glans clitoris can stick out from under it's hood. It may be to sensitive to touch, so stimulating it through the hood may work in such cases. Many women self lubricate (get wet) upon the start of clitoral stimulation. You can use that lubrication or other lubrication (such as store bought sex lubricant) to stimulate without causing excessive rubbing.

Women tend to use many different techniques based on what feels good and heightens excitation. Note what feels good and makes you excited. Explore what gets you excited so as to be able to build up the excitement level, possibly at different areas and with different techniques. So as to not have sensation fatigue, consider slowing down then building up again and repeating. When you get near to orgasm, try letting yourself go in the sensation and excitement to get yourself to go over the top into orgasm. Think sexy thoughts and sexy parts of music and movies. Make sure you are physically comfortable and not going to be interrupted.

Places to explore include but are not limited to the glans clitoris, the rest of the clitoris along the sides of the vaginal opening, the area around the urethral opening, the vagina, the perineum and the anus. Squeezing the buttocks and massaging the upper thighs may also work. With some women massaging the breasts can also increase excitement.