[Going upward]

I've read countless women's responses to how it make them feel when they are rejected by husbands who libido is not as high as theirs . I was relieved to know that I wasn't alone. The feelings of not feeling attractive ,desired , and rejected is exactly how I've been feeling as well . Unlike the women stories I've read thus far ,I also have had to deal with my significant others insults about me being nasty because I desired sex more than twice a month. Several years ago when he first told me that I was shocked,but I shrugged it off , and learned to deal with being intimate on his terms . however, after I came across his collection of hidden porn and male sex toys I feel insecure even more so now than ever. I feel like I'm sacrificing my desires while he's taking pleasure indulging in his. I knew of the porn use on the Internet but when I mention anything about it to him he gets ****ed and don't want to deal with it. So I don't feel like addressing him about the items will do any good. I'm totally lost on what to do next . He has been using toys on me for the past 4 yrs and I have used them as well with and without him but I don't find that much pleasure in toys .I much rather have him making love to me. We have kids together and we both feel like they deserve to have both parents in their lives but after 10 yrs of an almost non existing sex life I feel so alone and betrayed ,after finding this stash. Now at night I find myself lying next to him and wanting to wait for him to fall asleep so I can go out and find loving somewhere else. I don't know what he wants ,he keeps telling me he just don't desire sex much but yet ,he has dolls and all kinda stuff.

[jns]

I would characterize this as cheating. He also sounds controlling.

Why does he say that your nasty for wanting sex more than twice a month? Does he have an aversion to your body? Does think that you're mentally sick. Does he have an aversion to bodily fluids? Is having sex more than twice a month OK for other women including those in his videos?

What do you mean by male sex toys?

[BabyGirl]

Out of your Whole Post.. This is what Stood Out to me .

We have kids together and we both feel like they deserve to have both parents in their lives

Like you , I have read literally Thousands of posts on here these past few years. From both Men and Women .
And after awhile , it just gets to me (myself ) just skimming the Post and hoping someone has tried to help or post or at least console them .
Because I can only say my Opinion or Advise or Experiences Just so many times and then it becomes Redundant..

But with your " We both feel like they deserve both parents in their lives " .
This I will speak on..

Yes they Do,
But they deserve Happy and Healthy and Productive Parents that are in Loving Relationships, not just there because of them , not there in a home without Love and Romance and Enjoyment and Trust and Fun and Spontaneity.
Not in a home where there is no Laughter and the Smiles and Coy Winks and the Sparkle and look in the eyes, that shows "Mystery" to the kids, of how Mom & Dad, Or SO just seem to have a Secret.

Trust Me , If that is Not there, Both Parents aren't there !
Physically Yes , but they are not Connected anymore, in my Opinion, not in the way that the Kids need Deep Down inside, to learn themselves how to Love and Cherish a Spouse. Your kids feel the Distance and the Tension , They Feel the .. Boring Humdrum Life, They can't learn Excitement about falling in love, staying in love, being in a Happy and Healthy Relationship.

And you Seriously do Not want to Do what I would Do.. This being because I'm almost 60 and Boy have I put up with a Bit in my Life .. Lol

But I'll tell you anyways. I'm Not saying Do It , I'm telling you what I would Do.

I would take his " Male Toys " not the ones he uses on you that are Together Toys , I'd take his Porn
if on DVD or whatever they call them now ,I would Box them up, Wrap them in some Gift Paper Of Maybe Valentines or Fathers Day, Easter or Even Next Christmas . Put them in a Safe Place that he can't get it from .

And then Sit Him Down Privately ..
Tell him that He will open his Gift in front of You and Kids , Parents, Friends , Neighbors or Whatever Holiday or Special Occasion ,
(OF COURSE NEVER DO THIS EVER )

Tell him what you found, what you feel , how you feel about your Relationship with him, What you need and Want from him .
Explain in Detail how he makes you feel when he calls you Nasty, but he has a Doll that he does the " Nasty " with.
Let him know, That you are Not Nasty for wanting Love of a Him a Human, Nasty is wanting Love from a Doll , Movie, Piece of Plastic, Instead of wanting the love from the one who Bore the Children . When that person is there .
SO Toys are different . Of Course, When known about .

Then I would tell him ..
He can Open that Box or When he can Decide that he does not need it opened, or he can open up his Heart again. If he gets all upset and all " Me Man You Wife BS"..

Then he can open that Box with the other things he takes to his New Home ..

[Guest]

Children would rather come from a broken home then live in one.

Think about it. If you're "staying for the kids" you're taying for the wrong reasons. Take them and go, your new life together, minus all of the crap you've put up with over the last ten years, is waiting for you.

You've already taken the first step, now take the next one...

There is lots of support in here from people who have walked a mile in your shoes...or come pretty close.

[time2discover]

I agree with Babygirl 100%. Coming from a home where my parents are still together and can't stand each other, I know the feeling. You deserve alot more if he doesn't want to consider you in all of this. Marriage(and sex) is a sweet adventure for 2 not for 1.5. Good luck!

yo

[driveby]

My parents divorced when I was 10, I'm now 51. There were certainly times when I wished they hadn't but the truth is that life would have been miserable for us all had they not, and we all know it (I have siblings). They worked very hard and sacrificially to provide as normal a life for their children as they could and we grew up for the better because of it. My wife's parents on the other hand, have never divorced and are miserable. From random statements I know they don't have sex, they have never, in the past 15 years that I've known them shown any sins of love or affection between them, and their children joke about their lack of a loving relationship. It has affected my wife to the point of almost being like the one you’re currently living. I don't do the things your husband does but my getting affection or physical attention from her is near impossible. For her, sexual relations are about as desirable as getting the oil changed in the car and any other type of affection, when it rarely comes, is forced, at best.

My point, of course, is that your marital status is not nearly as important as the love, affection, and emotional support you provide to your children. They will over time understand and appreciate it and the sacrifices you make to provide for them in that area.

Having said that however, you should first seek to get professional help for your marriage. More often than not sexual problems like yours are not the root cause of a problem but more a symptom of a greater issue. You have children with him and, hopefully, had great love and attraction towards him when you married. I'm not a therapist but I believe you'll find that I'm correct (I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express once). Anything worth having is worth fighting for and you’ll be disappointed if you give up without working, and working hard to fix this.

I pray for the health and future of your marriage, relationships, and children.

[jns]

Was your husband always this way?

[Going upward]

No during the first year of our relationship he was not this way but after the birth of our child he began losing interest. The male toys are blow up doll and pocket size vagina. I haven't changed in size much he prefer me heavier and I put on 2 sizes cause that's what he said he like ,but nothing changed. He is so wonderful in every area except intimacy . We do everything together laugh joke go on dates play with the kids he helps around the house . Everything must go his way though he makes the rules and I just have to accept them or argue and even then he still does things his way.

[jns]

So the controlling part is confirmed. Since this started after the birth of your child and he likes you heavier, it is not about you being as small as you were before having a child. Some guys cannot help but see the mother of their children as that and not as a sexy woman. Another possibility is that he doesn't want to have more kids and this is his way of reducing the odds. Saying you're nasty may be him seeing you as a mother.

[time2discover]

Since this started after the birth of your children there a possibility his cultural background can play a role.
Some cultures consider that the mother of their children is one thing and their sexual partner another.
He could be reacting to this without even realising it. If it's the case, talk it out.