[GravityRose]

I feel a little weird putting this out there in a forum full of strangers, but I don't really have a doctor I can talk about any of this with.

For as long as I can remember, the only way I've ever been able to have an orgasm is by crossing my thighs and squeezing really hard. Nothing else works- regular touching or intercourse (oral included) doesn't really make me feel anything.

It doesn't really bother me that much, but it makes my boyfriend sad that he can't make me finish. I don't really feel like I'm lacking anything. I love the attention and emotional closeness sex brings me. But I just feel bad that he thinks it's something he's doing wrong, no matter how many times I explain that I've always been this way.

Now that I've gotten that off my chest, I'd like advice on two things. Does anyone else have this problem, and if so, how did you solve it? I generally don't feel anything from oral sex, but sometimes I feel a twinge when I'm on top during penetration.

My second question is a big more iffy. I know a lot of women say it's bad to fake an orgasm...but do you think I'd be justified in doing it if I can't find some way to achieve one on my own? I feel like any sort of lie is bad, but I really hate seeing him beat himself up over something that doesn't really bother me. The trouble is I don't really know how to fake an orgasm. I've tried clenching and seeing if he'd get the hint, but it didn't work.

My partner is pretty experienced, so I'm pretty positive it's nothing he's doing wrong...we've tried having sex where I cross my legs, but I haven't been able to squeeze tight enough to finish that way because I'm afraid of hurting him.

Thanks for any advice, I appreciate it.

[mahimahi]

I have one question: do you still get pleasure out of sex? orgasms aren't the only great part of sex so if you still enjoy the feel (sexually) then its not such a huge deal.

and i would say don't fake an orgasm! there is no need (especially since he knows you don't have them), but make sure he knows its not his fault

[Lady Syrinx]

Has there been a lot of pressure to orgasm in your relationships. Men tend to be very goal oriented. Have your partners made a big deal out of your not being able to orgasm? Do they ask if you have frequently? I had performance anxiety with my husband because it became a job for me to orgasm. When he relaxed and just let me live in the moment I started getting. multiples like crazy.

DON'T FAKE!! That will hurt him even more than your inability to orgasm.

[GravityRose]

Generally no, I don't get pleasure out of sex. Every once in a while there will be a little twinge but that's about it.

This is my first partner, and I've never felt any sort of pressure from him whatsoever. He's very gentle and caring. He does bring up wanting to know whether I finish, but it's because it bothers him that he can't make me feel good.

Like I said, I've never been able to orgasm before without crossing my legs, and never feel any sort of sexual pleasure from other methods. It didn't come as a surprise when I finally did have sex and didn't feel anything, but I guess he wasn't expecting it.

[kittehs]

When you are on top, try laying down flat on him so your legs are straight out and you have to squeeze to keep him inside you. It'll be a bit tricky at first but you can grind away on the base of his penis/pubic bone and squeeze in almost the same way as when you pleasure yourself. It may not be the most comfortable position for him, but if it's getting you all hot and bothered, he'll be turned on as well and shouldn't mind you "using" him to reach orgasm. The key is to feel sexy and relaxed and let yourself go...good luck!!

[Little_Man_in_the_Boat]

I'll say it again its all about foreplay !!! I use my hands to caress a womens body and that is the only way I know that works.

Men are just too eager to penetrate.

A women just can't get aroused as fast as a man can.

Using your hands to caress a womens body is an art that takes time to perfect.

Spend hours on foreplay not seconds.

[Hannah30]

Do you own a vibrator? I would say spend an afternoon or two alone with yourself and a powerful vibe, and see if you can't figure out some other ways to get your body to respond.