I see plenty of posts on here about boyfriends and husbands using porn in relationships, and all of the feelings and issues that go along with it, but what I really haven't seen are questions regarding the aftermath of porn use.
To make a long story short, I found my boyfriend looking at porn quite some time ago. I know that for some people, their husband/boyfriend using porn is not an issue for them, but it is for me. I made it clear that it bothered me and I didn't want him watching it, he said he understood and wouldn't do it anymore. The issue was dropped.
Fast forward a few years, and through a twist of fate, I discovered he was watching it again. I confronted him. He was doing it for several months without my knowledge. I fluctuated between feeling cold to feeling angry, to crying. Not only was my trust damaged from being deceived for some time, but my self esteem was squashed. Destroyed. Gone-zo. Kaput. I saw everything I was not in these women, and my already low self esteem gave out its last dying breath in that moment.
He swore up and down he would never do it again, that he had no idea it could potentially hurt me that much. He promised to be more open and to not keep things from me anymore. To the best of my knowledge he has kept his word.
Now comes the question part... It's been several weeks since the issue was put to bed. Yet every so often the insecurities sneak back in and I get the 'what ifs'. "What if he's still watching, but just hiding it better? What if he isn't watching, but wishes he was?". My self esteem is still non-existant. I still think back to everything those other women have that I don't. I compare myself to them constantly. I look in the mirror everyday, and see everything that I'm not as a woman. Its been several weeks, yet I'm still feeling the aftermath. My question is this; how have other people who have been in this situation (on both sides, of course) gotten through the aftermath of hurt feelings and bruised egos that linger?
I posted this under the 'sex' section, since that's where I have noticed the majority of porn related posts wind up, but I apologize if its miscategorized. Sorry for the 'Great Wall of Text', by the way...
To make a long story short, I found my boyfriend looking at porn quite some time ago. I know that for some people, their husband/boyfriend using porn is not an issue for them, but it is for me. I made it clear that it bothered me and I didn't want him watching it, he said he understood and wouldn't do it anymore. The issue was dropped.
Fast forward a few years, and through a twist of fate, I discovered he was watching it again. I confronted him. He was doing it for several months without my knowledge. I fluctuated between feeling cold to feeling angry, to crying. Not only was my trust damaged from being deceived for some time, but my self esteem was squashed. Destroyed. Gone-zo. Kaput. I saw everything I was not in these women, and my already low self esteem gave out its last dying breath in that moment.
He swore up and down he would never do it again, that he had no idea it could potentially hurt me that much. He promised to be more open and to not keep things from me anymore. To the best of my knowledge he has kept his word.
Now comes the question part... It's been several weeks since the issue was put to bed. Yet every so often the insecurities sneak back in and I get the 'what ifs'. "What if he's still watching, but just hiding it better? What if he isn't watching, but wishes he was?". My self esteem is still non-existant. I still think back to everything those other women have that I don't. I compare myself to them constantly. I look in the mirror everyday, and see everything that I'm not as a woman. Its been several weeks, yet I'm still feeling the aftermath. My question is this; how have other people who have been in this situation (on both sides, of course) gotten through the aftermath of hurt feelings and bruised egos that linger?
I posted this under the 'sex' section, since that's where I have noticed the majority of porn related posts wind up, but I apologize if its miscategorized. Sorry for the 'Great Wall of Text', by the way...
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