[time2discover]

Had to make a comment on this and at the same time ask all of you your opinions and experiences.

I was browsing through old threads and saw alot of posts saying, sex drive is what it is, some have more of it and some less.
If the person you're with is like that, most likely won't change.

I beg to differ from personal experience!!!!!!

When I met my husband, I had a theory on sex but no experience. He had plenty, having worked on international cargo ships,
you can imagine it wasn't the relationship kind. He was understaning in a sense and didn't expect too much knowing I was from a conservative family. We didn't talk about it much. I knew there was something missing somehow because I would fantasize in my head and masturbate and it was good. With my husband, I couldn't even orgasm. Years went on, me thinking that's all there was to sex,(bang bang quickie and man happy) and my husband thinking I was just plain no good.

But you see, the main problem was expectations from one and inexperience from the other.
I was at level 0 when I met him and he wanted level 10.

Today I'm 44yrs old and I finally did my coming out after alot of soul searching and coming to these forums, after my husband cheated on me.

We sat and talked after and realised what idiots we were for all this lost time not talking.
I have a hell of a sex drive and alot of years of adventures to catch up on.

So, in the end I believe than any woman you see as sexless could wind up being a volcano waiting to burst!

What do you think?

[Bladyn'smommy16]

I've always had a very high sex drive lately that has changed I like it every week or so now and it use to be three times a day with me and my husband!

[Harmony]

https://www.womens-health.com/boards/sex/51471-previous-numbers-partners.html

OP, read this thread, I agree with you.

An experienced lover doesn't necessarily equate to a skilled and considerate lover.

[Harmony]

I was at level 0 when I met him and he wanted level 10.

We sat and talked after and realised what idiots we were for all this lost time not talking.
I have a hell of a sex drive and alot of years of adventures to catch up on.

I think that generally, it takes a man longer to learn to be a good lover than vice versa. There are obviously many variables at play, like men peaking sexually in their late teens, while women peak more in their 30's. So hypothetically, an 18 year old man and a 30 something year old woman would have equally high sex drives (hypothetically good) but typically would have unequal levels of experience and have differing levels of emotional maturity which render them incompatible.

The fact that your husband was experienced (even if mainly from one night stands) and you weren't probably intimidated you a little (no offense) and led you to assume he would be a skilled lover and thus be able to satisfy you while 'training' you. If the two of you just had a quickie "bang bang man happy" how could that lead your husband to believe YOU were "no good"? I can understand him feeling slightly disheartened if he felt like he could never make you climax, but that isn't an excuse for being selfish, making no effort ad then blaming you.

A man with ten years' sexual experience, all acquired from a relationship (in which they had sex say for the sake of argument, on average 3 times a week) with the women (woman A) he lost his virginity to (who say, wasn't a virgin herself when they met) isn't necessarily going to rock the world of the next woman he sleeps with (woman B) if their (the women's) sexual preferences differ greatly. If woman A can have a vaginal or G-spot orgasm after ten minutes of penetrative sex then it's entirely possible that's what she'll have 'trained' him to do, whereas woman B may not be able to climax from intercourse, which could quite easily leave the poor man, despite his ten years' experience, at least initially, scratching his head. I know this isn't the best example but I hope it gets the point across.

My first GF 'trained' me to thrust in and out of her as hard as I could and for as long as I could (she said she liked being 'crushed' LOL) so guess what kind of technique I employed when I started having sex with the next girl? As soon as she told me that wasn't "what she preferred" I was a lot more gentle and it was better for both of us.

If you don't mind me asking, how are you planning on "catching up"?

In my experience women aged 30+ are more highly sexed and demanding in bed than younger girls. So as a highly sexed 44 year old you are certainly not alone and your feelings are not unusual.

I think many younger girls (not all but many) have sex with their partners more to keep them happy (or shut them up!) than because they genuinely crave sex. As I mentioned I think it takes men longer to learn how to satisfy women than vice versa, but it takes women longer to understand their own bodies, which is why once they do, and they reach their sexual peak, they know exactly what they want/need from the man.

[time2discover]

Harmony,
I haven't quite gotten there yet but I'm sure it won't be one night stands. I need a bond with a man(not necessarily relationship), know that we connect in different ways also. One day at a time.
I definitely agree with your last paragraph, except that knowing what we want means experiencing different things and ourselves at the same time. Becoming open doesn't necessarily mean everything's gonna work for you and the partner plays a big roll in this also. All men are different.