[Jh918]

Hey,

I need some help. I've been going out with my gf for more than 2 years, crazy about her, love her but....

The sex is borrriing. I do anything for her, do all the work, massage, go down, get her to climax....

She does nothing. Lies on her back and doesn't move. I'm not saying I'm perfect but I really think she doesn't care for me in bed. Actually does not do anything. Doggie style feels good, ask any guy, but I even get the guilt trip if I suggest it. Not kidding, always lies on her back, since day 1.

I love her but need help. Does she care or me? I'm a guy on a girls forum cause I want women opinion please.

[Jh918]

She doesn't go down either, never has

[Bladyn'smommy16]

Have you told her how you feel?

[jns]

Kisses? Hugs? Hands all over you some of the time?

[Jh918]

Kisses hugs yes, hands all over no.
I did talk about it but she just turns away
Not sure how to say its boring.
She did mention once that if I wasn't happy to find someone else. She doesn't want to do changes fir me but then says she lose me

[Euphoric]

How old is she? Was she a virgin? If not, has she indicated that a past lover was abusive? Keep in mind that having had a previous partner does not equate to skilled lover. Heck, having several partners does not necessarily equal skilled lovers. Maybe she is self-conscious and is unsure what to do, or feels awkward. There are threads on the forum that discuss ladies feeling anxious and awkward when they entered into the world of sexual engagement. They have also been kind enough to let others know that their partner was patient with them and gently guided them, helping them to become confident and relaxed.

Does she come from a religious background where abstinence in taught and perhaps she feels guilty? Sometimes a person will engage in sexual intercourse, but the whole time they are lying there thinking they are going to hell for it. Ingrained beliefs are tough obstacles for some people to overcome, even once they are married.

If you have been in this relationship for two years, you both should be able to communicate with one another. The first thing that popped into my head when I read your post was inexperience, fear, and not sure what she should do. I don't know if any of this helps, but you should try talking to her to find out what her reservation or hesitation to let go in the bedroom is.

Telling her sex with her is boring won't help you. You should consider rephrasing to something less insulting. Let her know that you love her, but feel like she is not into you and you would like to know what's wrong? Is there something you can do to help her be more comfortable with you. Suggest she do x, y, and z, but take it one step at a time. Let her know that you need to feel that she loves you, physically and emotionally.

[JonDoe]

I know very well what you mean when you say it is boring. You feel as though you do things to please her, but she just lays there with her eyes closed expecting you to do all of the work. You are 100% responsible for pleasing you and your partner. Perhaps she doesn't have much experience, her views are old school or she is simply a selfish lover. Maybe it is a combination of all three. Whatever the case, there is hope, but it requires direct, open communication from both partners, and it may take time.


My wife of 22 years was always this way until a few months ago. I tried talking to her about it too many times to count. It always ended with her crying and making me feel really guilty. However, I am finally getting through to her, which has been very tough on both of us, but I reached my limits, felt that I had nothing more to lose, and was prepared mentally to leave the relationship if necessary.

Don't wait another month. Take a few days to think about how it makes you feel and share your feelings with her instead of telling her what she doesn't do or doesn't do well. Telling her sex is boring will only make her defensive. Tell her you want to look into her eyes when you make love to her. Tell her how much it turns you on. Help her understand what it means to you and how positive it can be for your relationship.

[Guest]

This is an open forum so you'll get opinions and thoughts from both sides.

Two years you've been doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results? That's the classic definition of insanity...

"crazy about her, love her but...." Any time anyone says blah, blah, blah, but... It means "forget everything I said prior to saying but because now I'm going to tell you how I really feel". There is no need to defend or protect how you're honestly feeling in this open forum of perfect strangers.

If the sex is bad than a big part of the relationship is bad because physical intimacy with one's partner is very important in a relationship.

I think, based on what you've shared, that the "boring sex" is a symptom of something else. You need to find out what that something else is first, perhpas with the help of a professional, before you have any hope of improving your sex life.

She might be trying to tell you something...like she isn't as happy as you think she is...by doing what she's doing.

[rcoreyus]

You need to talk to her or things won't change. It may be that she doesn't realize that women should do more than just lay there. A one-sided sexual relationship is not going to be happy, you really need to fix this. If she is unwilling to change, than you need to think seriously about your future together. Intimacy is vital to a happy relationship.

[DreamP346]

She did mention once that if I wasn't happy to find someone else. She doesn't want to do changes fir me but then says she lose me

Sounds like she doesn't love you as much as you love her. If you've tried everything to subtly spice things up and she just hasn't been receptive, its time to be honest and tell her the truth. Tell her its boring. Tell her her lack of reciprocating intimacy makes you feel unloved. Tell her that her unwillingness to talk about it makes you feel like she isn't interested in working on this relationship. Talk about your feelings and how her actions make you feel. Don't accuse. Try to show her how you feel. Use sentences like "when you do XXX, it makes me feel YYY" or "I would feel more loved if you showed that you were enjoying the sex and were an active participant". Avoid saying things like "you just lay there like a dead fish" or "you don't do anything, I do all the work"