[lovesparrow]

Hi! I've been dating my boyfriend for about a year now. Things are mostly great, except for that sex is infrequent. Before I had sex with him the first time, he was very active in trying to get me to have sex with him - rubbing against me, touching me all over.... about a month and a half after we met, we finally did it. It seems as though after that, he lost all interest... he's still very affectionate and loving, but he only wants sex once every two weeks on average. At first I questioned if I was bad in bed, but he assures me that when we do have sex, he enjoys it very much.
I try initiating sex or touching him, but he'll push my hand away laugh it off and say he's tired, or that it's cold out (what?). Things are going well at his job, he's not cheating, and I make him feel appreciated outside the bedroom, so I don't know what the problem is. It's hurtful to live with him and sleep next to him every night but he doesn't want to touch me. Not to sound full of myself, but I'm not unattractive! I figured it might just be a dry spell but it's always been like this.... last week we had sex after almost a full month of nothing.... and even then I think he wasn't that into it and was just giving in. I want him to really want it. I get rejected so much that I feel incredibly unsexy and I feel like just giving up on the idea that we'll have an active sex life. This is making me feel not as close to him, and I don't want this to ruin out relationship. Sex is supposed to bring us closer, not cause a divide. I've talked to him, and he says it will get better and more frequent but it never does. Any advice?

[Bladyn'smommy16]

Does he watch porn?

[lovesparrow]

Occassionally, but not very much

[Bladyn'smommy16]

Would he rather watch porn that be intimate with you? If so he might have an addiction if not he probably is experiencing a low sex drive and your sure hes not cheating?

[lovesparrow]

He'd rather be with me.... I think. 99% sure he's not cheating.... always comes home on time and we live in a small town

[Bladyn'smommy16]

Then I would say he has no desire right now does he smoke pot or cigs ?

[lovesparrow]

No, he hates cigarettes and his job drug tests... he also doesn't drink very much. He'll grab a few beers on the weekend.

[Bladyn'smommy16]

Then I'm not sure what it could be he just doesn't sound interested in sex at this point maybe try to turn him on do something sexy

[jns]

There seem to be some guys who are like this. Just not interested in sex all of the time like most (or at least many) other guys. Some its a low libido. Some its addiction to porn. Others it is an addiction to the feel of their hand during masturbation: a vagina doesn't feel the same. Some it might be a fear of failure. Maybe in that case, the guy has such a fear of going limp during intercourse that he doesn't have it until he is just about to explode and knows he can complete the task. Building up confidence would help as well as making him understand there are no consequences to not completing the task. Just regroup and start again.

[Harmony]

Hi! I've been dating my boyfriend for about a year now. Things are mostly great, except for that sex is infrequent. Before I had sex with him the first time, he was very active in trying to get me to have sex with him - rubbing against me, touching me all over.... about a month and a half after we met, we finally did it. It seems as though after that, he lost all interest... he's still very affectionate and loving, but he only wants sex once every two weeks on average. At first I questioned if I was bad in bed, but he assures me that when we do have sex, he enjoys it very much.
I try initiating sex or touching him, but he'll push my hand away laugh it off and say he's tired, or that it's cold out (what?). Things are going well at his job, he's not cheating, and I make him feel appreciated outside the bedroom, so I don't know what the problem is. It's hurtful to live with him and sleep next to him every night but he doesn't want to touch me. Not to sound full of myself, but I'm not unattractive! I figured it might just be a dry spell but it's always been like this.... last week we had sex after almost a full month of nothing.... and even then I think he wasn't that into it and was just giving in. I want him to really want it. I get rejected so much that I feel incredibly unsexy and I feel like just giving up on the idea that we'll have an active sex life. This is making me feel not as close to him, and I don't want this to ruin out relationship. Sex is supposed to bring us closer, not cause a divide. I've talked to him, and he says it will get better and more frequent but it never does. Any advice?

There is a great book called the 'Multi Orgasmic Couple' (and another called the 'Multi Orgasmic Man') get a copy of either and have him do the exercises. It basically involves strengthening the PC muscle and prolonging orgasm for days, even weeks, so the man makes love learning to orgasm without ejaculating (and it is possible, I've done it).

Even a man with a low libido/ erection difficulties similar to those which JNS just described will find himself wanting sex much more frequently. E.g., say a man's sex drive only permits him to desire sex once a week (that is he doesn't even masturbate, just feels the inclination to ejaculate once every seven days or so) and he diligently performs the exercises, by week two he will start to feel the urge increase, and he will desire sex more often, and by not ejaculating that urge will not cease when he does have sex. The longest I managed was seven or eight days without ejaculating, and i had sex several times a day during the build up. These exercises are also great for helping the man last longer.

If you can convince your man to follow the instruction in the book, barring any medical issues, I can PROMISE you things will improve, without viagra, HRT, or medicine.

Good luck