[Letsgo1]

So I bought the book as recommended "She Comes First"
This was to help solve the problem of me being unhappy with my parters experience. I feel terrible I'm not giving her amazing orgasms. My struggle is with my short and thin (thank god for both) penis. When we have sex I feel like I'm less than average based off of how I see her react to my performance. Ok so get the book. Got it. Now come to find shes not really into oral sex which coincidently is what the entire book is about. :-/

She favors penetration big time. It's not even close. And it's the problem. And the solution I was given was a book on cunnilingus. Ugh. I can just feel it when we have sex she needs and wants something thicker in there. I seriously don't know what to do. She's not having orgasms and I feel terrible. What goes through my head is being one of those guys who has a lot going for him and its ok I can't please her like another man could because of all of my other good qualities. :-( I don't want to be that dude.

[Letsgo1]

Yea I don't know what to do neither.

[DreamP346]

Letsgo1, you mention that your partner favors penetration. Does that mean you had a conversation with her about sexaul pleasure? If so, did she tell you anything else about what she would like? Remember, just because she prefers penetration, does not mean she doesn't enjoy oral. Also, did you study the female sexual anatomy? That will have shown you that majority of women cannot orgasm from penetration along. Their clitoris needs to be stimulated. This can be done with manually by yourself or her or even by applying a vibrator. This is fairly common practice. Understanding the female sexual anatomy will also show you why the size of a man's penis often has very little to do with female pleasure.

Here is a little statistic to help you understand. If penis size was so important, lesbian women would not be able to have as satisfying of a sexual relationship. However, lesbian women have a higher rate of reaching orgasm during each sexual encounter compared to heterosexual women. So if a person with no penis at all can provide great sexual satisfaction to a women, doesn't that validate the whole idea that its not about the equipment but about what type of lover you are.

The most important things to learning to be a good lover is:
1) understand the female body, the basic biology. Unfortunately this will not be in your standard biology text books. In the US, the clitoris is actually never really taught in high school biology. You will have to do some research on this
2) Understand your lover and what her specifics are. Each person is different and you really need to learn about her. What are her erogenous zones. That really turns her on. What she enjoys the most about your sexual activities
3) Understand any insecurities she may have and barriers to sexual enjoyment. Many young women feel subconscious about their weight and don't feel comfortable having sex with the lights on or with them being on top because they feel their partner will see all their fatty parts. Some women have a difficult time enjoying oral because they have been raised to think it dirty and just can't let go of that thought while receiving oral. Some women aren't comfortable talking about sex and therefore cannot communicate to their partner what really works well for them.

1 is pretty simple, you can do that one your own.

2 will take some effort, but also completely doable.

3 is the hardest part and this is the stuff that can take years to figure out. That is why the best lovers are not the handsome one night stands. They are the husbands with the extra tire around their waist, but has spent years studying their wife's body and taking the effort to try different things to please them.

[Letsgo1]

Letsgo1, you mention that your partner favors penetration. Does that mean you had a conversation with her about sexual pleasure? If so, did she tell you anything else about what she would like? Remember, just because she prefers penetration, does not mean she doesn't enjoy oral. Also, did you study the female sexual anatomy? That will have shown you that majority of women cannot orgasm from penetration along. Their clitoris needs to be stimulated. This can be done with manually by yourself or her or even by applying a vibrator. This is fairly common practice. Understanding the female sexual anatomy will also show you why the size of a man's penis often has very little to do with female pleasure.

I asked her while I was giving her oral. What's up you don't seem interested in this? She said its not really her thing. She lets me do it because I love it. Well I love it because well I do but more so because I thought all girls do and it's something I need to rely on. She has never ONCE asked for it. She always wants me to get inside her. I'm going to bring this up tonight. All of it. I'm just so annoyed I notice these things she does in bed. The close legs, squeezing her vagina with her fingers because of my lack of girth. It's absolutely kills me. All compensation moves. So I'm going to go ahead and ask her what I need to do. For all I know she might not even know her own body. I'm doubting that though. I have literally nothing to build from. My sexual self esteem is in shambles I fake my confidence. I've told her before how ****ty I feel about myself so you'd think my penis would get praise once and awhile. Never. I put in a. Insane amount of work in the bedroom and to see my girl get right up and go to the bathroom like she was reading a book for a half hour is embarrassing. While i lay in bed gasping for my breath as if my life depended on it.

But tonight I guess I'll have a talk

[DreamP346]

I asked her while I was giving her oral. What's up you don't seem interested in this? She said its not really her thing. She lets me do it because I love it. Well I love it because well I do but more so because I thought all girls do and it's something I need to rely on. She has never ONCE asked for it. She always wants me to get inside her. I'm going to bring this up tonight. All of it. I'm just so annoyed I notice these things she does in bed. The close legs, squeezing her vagina with her fingers because of my lack of girth. It's absolutely kills me. All compensation moves. So I'm going to go ahead and ask her what I need to do. For all I know she might not even know her own body. I'm doubting that though. I have literally nothing to build from. My sexual self esteem is in shambles I fake my confidence. I've told her before how ****ty I feel about myself so you'd think my penis would get praise once and awhile. Never. I put in a. Insane amount of work in the bedroom and to see my girl get right up and go to the bathroom like she was reading a book for a half hour is embarrassing. While i lay in bed gasping for my breath as if my life depended on it.

Now that you have provided a little more about your situation, it really doesn't seem like a size issue at all, but more about communication, your partners sexual views and her desire to please you. It doesn't sound like she is an active participant in sex. Regardless if the encounter was pleasurable or not, an active partner would be pretty exhausted after a good time of sexual activity. Does your partner just lay there and expect you to do all the work? What things does she do to make the sexual experience more pleasurable for both of you?

The other thing is you shouldn't be offened by her trying to do things like squeez her vagina. She is trying to do stuff that is pleasurable for herself. It may or may not have anything to so with you size. Many women do it as it pushes them to orgasm. Even if it is about your size, then its a sign she is trying to work with your size. There is nothing wrong with that. Its actually a good thing. Many people like doggie style sex because you go deeper. That does not mean other types of sex is not deep enough or their partners are too short. Its just something they like.

When you do have this conversation, don't make it confrontational. Let her know what you feel like and that you want to be a better lover for her. Don't accuse her of not being satisfied with your size. If you do, more than likely she will be depensive and not open up. you need to have a productive tow way dialogue.

Good luck.

[Harmony]

If she needs size to satisfy her, you don't necessarily have to have a huge penis to provide her with that (buy a large sex toy and use it on her). The average woman would rather make love to her soulmate who has an average penis, than to an idiot hung like a donkey.

Women are emotional creatures. If your relationship is sound and the emotional connection is present and good then you using something like one of those rampant rabbits on her (which provides some SERIOUS clitoral stimulation and about 6-7 inches or something) she'll be grateful she met you. You can ask for oral in return. If your penis is on the smaller side it will be easy for her to give you a great blow-job than it would if you were huge.

Too many men are too insecure to use sex toys on women and get upset just to find out they have been using them alone. DO NOT be one of those men, if you engage a woman's sexuality and encourage her to explore it without criticism, judgement or ridicule then you'll find plenty of ways to achieve mutual satisfaction without the need for a large penis.

[Harmony]

Also, listen to SP346, she is a sex therapist.

I have a friend who is average looking with an awful physique (smokes and drinks a lot) but who is a great guy. He told me his penis is quite small and he showed me a video of a girl performing oral sex on him, and yes, it is definitely small. I know several girls who he's slept with who've said they like 'size' yet have all compromised and been on his booty call list and have praised him for being such a good lover. One night I actually think he had two of them turn up unannounced while he was in bed with another. He lives with his younger brother who told me he had trouble falling asleep one night because he could hear the groans of pleasure emanating from his brother's room, and when he woke up in the morning he could hear them still going!

Just to add, a large penis doesn't automatically equate to mind blowing sex for a woman, lack of consideration for a woman's needs, ejaculating too quickly, or failing to gauge a woman's enjoyment can all

[MoeJr]

Once again we confuse ourselves with wants and needs. It has been proven time and time again a woman does not NEED a larger penis. Letsgo1 your first move is going to have to be getting over your own insecurity. Your doing your part. The fact that your even here asking questions, showing concern tells many of us that your already going above and beyond what most men would. As good as "she comes first" is as well as several I write myself, most tend to an area that a ton of men struggle with, and rely a lot on common sense. However something that even I have yet to write about is the communication, mind over matter, and each doing there part. From what I have read your solution will be : Getting her more involved, changing positions and finding the right ones for the both of you, experimenting with toys, enjoying each other. My comment for you personally: Stop worrying about your size !!!!! You will find positions that reguardless of your size WILL get it done. Do some searching on sexual positions.

[Letsgo1]

First off i want to thank anyone who spent time to respond to this post. We had a talk tonight. I took it way too far. I told her my concerns. I basically said that her pleasure is my main goal and that I want to give her the best sex ever and that I don't feel like I'm capable. She assured me that I am in fact doing that. I showed her the book and she thought it was good but unnecessary. Then things spiraled out of control a little bit. She knew there was more wrong. So I laid it out how hard it is for me to believe that considering all the soul crushing comments I've had to deal with in the past. And it also hurt she pretty much silently acknowledged me having a small penis. That hurts so much to be in agreement with how I feel about myself. It's just reality. I mentioned how I feel like she doesn't feel it when I'm inside her. She kinda lost it and started crying. I took it too far. She claims she is satisfied. I told her when we don't have sex I don't get upset because I'm not "Getting laid" I'm upset because it was a lost opportunity to get better. I guess at this point I just have to get over it.

Understand this though. My road has been extremely tough. Not only growing up in society where having a small penis is nothing but jokes and entertainment. I've had to deal with past lovers cruel remarks. Comments behind my back. And to top it all off have a girl I dated for four years in highschool months later pop up on a bangbros porn website where I had the pleasure to witness have sex with extremely well endowed men. It's soul crushing when you add it all up.

I'm trying my very best. I just want to feel like I can be the very best. My girlfriend is amazing and she deserves it. I want to have that feeling that I can bring her somewhere no man could ever. Tired of feeling like I'm in last place and less of a man.

And I personally feel very uncomfortable bringing anything larger than myself in bed its
Only going to make me feel worse.

I have to take her word and believe it. Cause I know if I don't it will ruin the relationship. I guess our talk tonight was productive. I just let my feelings get the best of me.

[time2discover]

Good luck and trust in your love for each other! The rest will go away.