[chelpsyc13]

Things have definitely gotten better! He has gone down on me a couple times and I like it. I found out though that I was the first woman he'd ever done that to, which is why he hadn't offered...he was really nervous about trying it and admitted that he didn't know what he was doing. But I go down on him too and I really like it. And the intercourse has gotten a lot better. We don't do much foreplay still, but I'm okay with that now. It works for us. I didn't think it would, but it does. And I've found some positions that I, and my G-spot, absolutely love. I haven't orgasmed yet, but I know I will someday and that it'll be amazing. I got really close a few weeks ago, we had intercourse literally for at least 10 minutes, maybe almost 15, 'til we were both tired out. I was close, but I had him stop 'cause the pleasure was too intense for me haha. I was shaking and trembling for probably half an hour, at the least. It's definitely gotten better
Anyway, I'm gonna stop posting about my sex life on here after this post. It just doesn't feel right to me anymore to be talking to the public about our personal life, even if it is anonymous. Thanks for y'alls help!

[tartar sauceee]

Hi all, I'm new here, just joined today. This is gonna be long, so bear with me. I'll be 21 this year and I've been with my boyfriend for almost 4 months. We're about 8yrs apart, so he's more experienced than me. But before I talk about the problems I'm having, let me give some background on myself to put my problems into perspective.

Okay to start off, I was sexually abused as a child on and off for a few years, by a female. During that time, I got addicted to porn (around age 9), which lasted 'til I was 12. It was so bad that it's partly why it took me a year and a half to get through 5th grade (I was homeschooled on the computer). I developed the addiction a few more times over the years. I still look at it every now and then, but I haven't since I started having sex 'cause I feel like I don't need it anymore now that I'm active...now that I can actually act on my urges with someone. If that makes sense.
I've been masturbating since I was a child, I started between the ages of 8 and 10. But here over a decade later, I still don't know what I like. You'd think I would know, but masturbating has just never done anything for me. I keep reading in articles that if I don't know what I want or what I like, then my partner won't be able to figure it out. And that's just really discouraging me... I finally found my G-spot a few times while masturbating last year, but I've never orgasmed from it...I've gotten close maybe 2 or 3 times.

Now, my boyfriend and I started having sex 2 weeks ago, and he was my first. I have no regrets, I'm glad I gave it to him and no one else. I love him, even though it's only been 4 months...we fell in love with each other rather quickly last year. The problem is, though, that even though sex is enjoyable for me because I love him and I love the intimacy we share together, it's not exactly pleasurable. Last night, we tried different positions to find my spot, but we just couldn't. Then afterward, his mood seemed to really drop 'cause he's frustrated. He said that he doesn't know what I like and that he's frustrated 'cause it doesn't seem like I enjoy sex. I told him, and have told him before more than once, that I do enjoy sex with him and that I don't need an orgasm to enjoy sex. I told him that it will just take time for us to figure out what works for both of us. I mean I've only been active for 2 weeks, I'm not gonna have this all figured out that soon. I've read that it could take years, it takes practice.

I told him that I need more foreplay...literally every single time we've had sex (including our first time), it's a quickie. There's no foreplay. I know that I need plenty of foreplay so that I'll become fully aroused, otherwise I won't feel anything when we look for my G-spot, 'cause it's supposed to swell up and get bigger when I'm fully aroused. But he said that a lot of foreplay is a turn-off for him...he goes limp and can't get aroused again. So I'm stuck here. I don't know what to do. I'm afraid to ask for oral 'cause I don't know if he'll want to...he hasn't offered yet, and he hasn't even asked for head. I thought getting head was every guy's dream. He just wants intercourse and goes right for it, he doesn't seem to want anything else. I've given him 3 handjobs so far, but I've received nothing. Just seems like the sex is more about him than me, but I've never been a good communicator (I've had relationships end over that) and I'm not good at initiating anything sexual...so I'm afraid to ask for anything.

I'm trying to be patient about it, but I don't know how to "let go" during sex or be vocal or any of that. It just doesn't feel natural to me to moan and all that...probably 'cause I grew up being really quiet while masturbating 'cause I didn't want my parents to hear me haha. I told him I'll try to be more vocal during sex, but I just don't know how, especially if it's not pleasurable. Enjoyable, yes; but I don't wanna lie there moaning if I'm not feeling pleasure...I'd feel like I'm faking it and that's the last thing I wanna do.
I also know that if I (and he) could just not focus on me orgasming and just focus on enjoy sex and enjoying each other and having him in me, it'd be easier to end up orgasming. I've noticed that the more I think about orgasming, even when I'm alone, the harder it is to do it. But I don't know how to just clear my mind...maybe meditating everyday to train my mind?

And he said last night that he thinks my previous porn addictions could be why I'm having a hard time orgasming...and although I know he has a point, I didn't exactly appreciate him bringing up my past and blaming this on it...just made me feel bad. Might as well blame my abuse too 'cause that's partly what got me into the porn in the first place. I just feel so f-ed up, like this is all my fault...like I'm bad in bed and he would've been better off with someone more experienced. All of this is what I was afraid of...part of the reason why I waited almost 21 years to start having sex...I was hesitant 'cause I've known since I was 17 that I have sexual issues...now my issues are becoming our issues and I just feel bad.
Should I tell him that he made me feel bad? It's hard for me to confront him about anything 'cause last year I was in an abusive relationship and every time I tried to confront the guy about something, he got really defensive and I'd get in "trouble" with him by him lecturing me, yelling at me, cussing me out, or making me feel bad for saying how he made me feel. I know that my boyfriend is not him and I trust him and love him more than anything, but that doesn't mean that those fears aren't still there...but I don't know how to say that without him taking it personally - again that could just be the fear in me talking.

Ugh I just don't know what to do. I want us to have a great sex life, but I don't know how. I thought he would have an idea since he's almost in his 30s, but I guess not.

tell him he is lucky to have a young girl and to be her first. and that you want him to feel good, and you don't want to talk about the past. it should be enough that you are young and his first.

my gf is 11 years younger than me, and I was her first. I feel very lucky.