[jns]

The G-spot may be a goal, but the clitoris is where stimulation will work for many women. It that what both of you focus on most of the time? Reaching orgasm requires letting go and surrendering to the sensations. Blanking your mind of other distractions will help.

I agree that your bf sounds selfish. Foreplay is the way to go and the fact that he willing let that part go is not a good sign. Hopefully he will be enthusiastic once he starts. It sounds like both of you have a lot to learn about what gives you pleasure.

[chelpsyc13]

Yeah we both have a lot to learn, probably me more so than him since I'm brand new to it. And we haven't focused on the clitoris at all, I should probably bring that up with him too. I know he's not trying to be/sound selfish, he treats me so well and is the sweetest guy I know. I think it's just his frustration talking more than anything. But as I mentioned before, he did say that even though a lot of foreplay turns him off and makes him go limp, he is willing to add in more foreplay for me.

[jns]

If he gets to see you trembling from orgasm, he may get rock hard again, especially since he is the one giving you the pleasure.

[dyunysus]

Hi, male perspective here, so you want to reach orgasm. He needs to most surely spend more time with foreplay, it is the key to the female orgasm.
He should start by soft kissing, stroking your hair and move on to kissing your neck.
then he can move on to breast play, and vaginal play,
i also suggest you google "the continuous female orgasm" great bunch of information i obtained from that search.
Does he use his fingers inside you? If so he can use them to get you to orgasm first and then penetrate you. After your first orgasm reaching the next one is easier.
Not sure how much detail i can go into without getting flagged. so i will just leave it at that and say have fun experimenting!

[chelpsyc13]

Well last night, we tried adding in just a couple more minutes of foreplay, and he completely lost his erection. He got so frustrated. A lot of foreplay just makes him go limp, period. What should I suggest to him? I mean we've tried the foreplay thing and it just causes him to go soft, it's just the way he is. And I can accept that, I mean I've been able to have sex each time without much foreplay and it felt just fine. Wasn't exactly pleasurable, but like I've said before it's still enjoyable. But what should I suggest so that I can at least get pleasure sometimes too? Doesn't have to be during sex necessarily. Should I suggest that some nights just be about me, like on those nights to just not expect sex?

[jns]

A lot about going limp during sex, but not being the one getting stimulated, is mental.

I was only dreaming of having sex at your age (and I guess your bf's age). I was 25 before I had sex the first time. I did have trouble getting hard for a while with a gf that I didn't get comfortable with because I thought of her as very beautiful. Later with another gf that I was much more comfortable with, I didn't have those problems and learned how to let go to get to climax instead of deflating and going limp. Condoms have never given me enough stimulation to stay hard and climax and some positions never did it for me.

When giving oral, a guy's attention should be on the girl. If he is not getting stimulation, he may go soft. When it's his turn again, he should get hard again. If he doesn't, it may be a mental block (which is what I had with the beautiful girlfriend) or it may be erectile dysfunction. Your best action is to have fun being frisky together and to put no pressure on him to perform. I have ED now and it is not the same thing although the symptoms can sometimes fool an observer.

[amy37]

Hollywood has screwed up our minds when it comes to how sex happens in reality.
They've painted it out to be so glamourous and passionate. When in reality
1) sex gets better over time
2)it does take learning, it's not bang right off the start

So dont get discouraged.

Also good sex is mostly psychological, so i do believe that your past (which was NOT YOUR FAULT) has an effect on your current situation. have you tried talking to a counselor of some sort?

[J!nX]

2 Weeks in and you're trying for mutual g-spot stimulation? Ignoring the clitoris? Not enough foreplay?
...
A. Focus on learning your clit first. B. Worry about g-spot orgasms once you get clitoral orgasms down. C. Tell him, plainly, that sex without foreplay isn't enjoyable. D. His erection issues aren't your fault, stop feeling guilty. E. Him bringing up your history of sexual abuse and porn addiction is insulting, don't tolerate it.

Now that I said everything that needed to be said upfront, I'll offer you a little bit more information.

A. You have to learn your body, and ignoring your clitoris is the equivalent of ignoring the head of his penis, or the nipples of your breasts. It simply doesn't make sense.
B. You attempting G-Spot orgasms before Clitoral orgasms is like if you decided to stick a finger or two up his butt before you ever touched his penis and trying to go for a nice Prostate Orgasm.
C. You are a woman. Your Vagina needs to produce lubricant and allow your sexual organs to fill with blood before sex is pleasurable and safe. Trying to rush sex without allowing your body to get ready is the equivalent to you taking his rapidly shrinking penis, just after he reached orgasm, and trying to shove it back inside of you. The penis isn't filled with blood, just as you aren't wet, so the parts aren't compatible right then and there and the act won't feel pleasurable to either of you. And right after sex his penis head is extremely sensitive, much like your Clitoris without proper foreplay, so it will feel uncomfortable.
D. The idea of too much foreplay causing a loss of erection isn't an excuse to skip foreplay- and the idea that he's getting frustrated is troubling as well. Have him keep his pants and underwear on, preferably jeans and tight fitting underwear (not boxers). If he can't achieve a full erection during foreplay, then when we can immediately after foreplay it shouldn't be a problem to simply remove his clothes and start when you're both ready.
E. It's not your fault. It's not. That is an extremely sensitive issue with you, as it should be, and you should be ****ed if you're going to allow someone who you care about to insult you by throwing it in your face. You haven't thrown his erection issues in his face, have you?


I'm a 21 year old male. I've been sexually active since 12. Stop shooting for the moon right now and focus on climbing the hill. I was with a girl for 3.5 years in high school and it took me 9 months into our sex life to have her enjoy me suckling her nipples. It took me 1.5 years to have her orgasm from oral sex. And after the 2 years in which we were sexually active to the point of vaginal sex, she never came once. Was I frustrated? Yes. Was I scared and worried and sad? Of course. Did I decide two weeks in that I knew ANYTHING about how to please that specific girl? Not a chance.



You liv

[JonDoe]

Your boyfriend may have had more sexual experiences, but it doesn't sound like he has a clue about sexual pleasing a woman. Don't fret, if he is a loving partner outside of the bedroom, then you can learn together. I've heard that some men twice he age still haven't figured it out. Communication is key, but if you don't know what your hot buttons are, he cannot be expected to know either. Experimentation is key, but this goes both ways too. You might like to know that ejaculation and orgasm are not one in the same. Buy two books and read them with your partner, "She Comes First" and "He Comes Next". Enjoy! good luck!

[Adviser]

Well last night, we tried adding in just a couple more minutes of foreplay, and he completely lost his erection. He got so frustrated. A lot of foreplay just makes him go limp, period. What should I suggest to him? I mean we've tried the foreplay thing and it just causes him to go soft, it's just the way he is. And I can accept that, I mean I've been able to have sex each time without much foreplay and it felt just fine. Wasn't exactly pleasurable, but like I've said before it's still enjoyable. But what should I suggest so that I can at least get pleasure sometimes too? Doesn't have to be during sex necessarily. Should I suggest that some nights just be about me, like on those nights to just not expect sex?

Don't accept it. You need it to be about you as well. If he loses his erection, so be it! He can get one again, once he's given you some attention! My boyfriend has given me oral for half an hour before, so naturally his erection went. He can't maintain it that long without stimulation! He told me that he loves going down on me now, but he started to love it more when he knew I liked it, when I told him 'That feels good'. He went down on me the first time we had sex, without asking, and he had never done it before. I too was not very vocal, and I think he felt discouraged, but he loved it when I asked him to do it again. It gave him confidence. Try asking him. If he's done it before, say 'That felt great last time, would you do that again?' He will get better each time, as his confidence grows!

Also, it takes time. Don't expect so much, so soon. Start out small, making him going down on you something that happens often, maybe him doing it a little longer each time, and tell him how it made you feel.

If he refuses, because of losing his erection, I think that's selfish. It should be as much about your pleasure as his, and once he's paid attention to you, then you can pay attention to him, and I'm sure his erection will return quickly!

Let me know how you get on!