[Shadowfax]

Hello,

I have a question that I really wish I'd asked my doctor today, but I'm desperate for advice til I can get another appt!

I've been sexually active with my current boyfriend for 7-8 months. He is much larger than anyone I have been with (I'm also very small at 5 feet tall). He is pretty tall compared to me and is also quite well endowed.

The first few times we had sex, it hurt a bit and I bled, but I expected it. I even bought a toy to help sort of stretch me out, and he always waits until I'm ready to go in.

But now, after the better part of a year, it's still happening (even with using the toy!). It definitely doesn't hurt as much, but I still bleed. My doctor thought I had just ended my period b/c there was blood. This makes me nervous because I want to make sure that constant irritation doesn't lead to something bad down the road; and I know this bleeding puts me more at risk for infections (though I've never even had a yeast infection at this point).

I'd love any advice. I know bottom line is that I should see my doctor again. I have not lead a sexually promiscuous life and always use condoms, so I don't see how this could be an STD. But my last boyfriend did cheat on me- though supposedly no sex- so perhaps I should get tested?

[Bladyn'smommy16]

You do not have to be sexually promiscuous to get a STD.. It only takes one person.. Although you do not sound like you have one. Do you have any tearing besides the blood??

[bubba29]

are you guys regularly using lube? it could just be a friction thing. as wet as you may get, lube helps a lot with big insertions.

[Waterbliss]

Hi, I wanted to reply to you that I also have this problem but spoke to my GYNO the other few days bout it. My gyno said that since we don't use lube that could be that main source of it. Said that I should try using lube more, and get back to him if it still bleeds. That's my best advice I can give you.

[Harmony]

I'm not suggesting anything here, so please do not take offense, but there is no harm in BOTH of you having a full panel of STD tests just to ELIMINATE that possibility and provide peace of mind to both of you.

Once that it out of the way I would experiment with both water based and silicone based lubricants. In my previous posts I have also mentioned a method of entry many times which is mutually beneficial and may help reduce any pain and will help the vagina dilate as much as possible before the man fully enters her. It may be of interest to you.

I believe the tissue in the vagina (and anus and other parts of the body I cannot name) are called epithelial cells, which, when damaged (I know damaged is a loaded word but please don't panic) by a penis (the larger the penis the more friction) may bleed if the tissue of the skin is worn away.

I'm guessing your partner lasts a reasonably long time, or at least doesn't cum in a couple of minutes? What is also compounding this problem is that once you experience any pain - and because this problem is persisting - you are probably worrying more and more and thus struggling to relax, which in turn is preventing you from being able to relax, which is inn turn causing your vaginal muscles to contract, or at least not relax as much as they probably could do. Ergo, the involuntary tightening of the vaginal muscles from worrying is probably making this worse for you.

Don't worry though, penises go soft and men ejaculate too quickly from worrying. Once a seed of sexual doubt is planted in ones head it is likely going to sprout and grow like bamboo in fertilizer.

A good way to practice relaxed breathing is to (maybe practice while using your toy simultaneously) keep your mouth closed and breath in as slowly as possible through your nose then slowly and deliberately out through your mouth. It;s nigh on impossible to be tense while breathing in this fashion.

I hope this helps. No harm can come from establishing both of you are STD free and hopefully this is just an issue of size related adjustment complicated slightly by a little anxiety, which is of course perfectly understandable.

[Shadowfax]

Thanks for all the advice!!

I didn't mean to insinuate that STDs happen only to sexually promiscuous people- more often, of course, but you're right, it only takes one. I have just been very careful (and gotten tested the one time I wasn't), so chances are very low.

Perhaps I will be tested when I go back to the doctor; though I don't really think it's an STD, it's worth checking out. I just saw that some can cause postcoital bleeding, so I figured I'd throw it in there.

We will definitely try to use lube (even though it creates such a mess!!!), I'm sure that'll help.

Thanks again!

[bubba29]

clitoral stimulation is actually a natural pain reliever for the vagina. it could also add to your own lubrication and possibly help you relax as harmony pointed out as being important. try lube on him and you and play with your clit. could be the ticket to a more enjoyable experience without the tearing.

[cathy23]

I had a similar situation with my current boyfriend when we first became intimate, and I made sure we used lube. He's not huge, just the largest I've been with. Make sure you have plenty of foreplay and try to relax when he enters you.

[LargeInLife]

Hello all! I found this thread as it was directing people to my blog, so thank you bubba29 for referring people to my article.

I would like to add to the women who've posted on here that in my opinion, as a man who has struggled with his large penis size for many years, I've learned a lot, and have found that this subject needs some more attention. I've also found that its hard to find really good advice on the subject (hence why I started my blog) so I'd like to offer some advice as well to this thread.

First off, I'm quite certain that "Stretching yourself out" with those toys you mentioned probably doesn't help much. Unless you're doing some sort of serious stretching, taking place over a long period of time, I just don't really see that as a practical option nor do I see it actually helping anyone really.

In my opinion, it is more important for your male partner to educate himself on sex. As a well endowed man, you have a responsibility to be more knowledgable because simple and enjoyable sex is not always possible if there is a mismatch in size. So your men need to learn about vaginas, they need to learn about the female orgasm, they need to understand where the cervix is, know what it feels like, and be able to understand how to make a woman super aroused. Because the more a woman becomes aroused, the more her vaginal canal elongates. It's not something that most people are truly aware of, but it is true in my personal experience. I have an article about it here:

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To address the initial post here. It's not your fault that you're still bleeding, its a terrible feeling and its not only physically painful, but it can ruin the mood. Unfortunately, this is your boyfriends fault in my opinion. He needs to understand your limits, and he needs to practice self control. He also needs to learn how to preheat your oven, and then spend about 30-45 minutes or so keeping your oven preheated before he tries to get in there.

With a mismatch in size like this, it changes sex, and its not all bad. You have to make some minor adjustments, and realize that the idea of a quickie isn't always gonna work well, but once you both learn how to accommodate eachother, and once he understands how to use his endowment, then you're in for a treat. Because once you're warmed up enough (and believe me, it is absolutely possible) and he knows how to hit the right spots, he will have you orgasming more often, more powerfully and in ways you've never experienced.