[lovessports]

I have an issue that I know nothing can be done about but want to know if others have experieinced the same thing and what they have done. My wife and I have be happily married for over 35 years, have great kids and a good life. The problem is my wife does something that upsets me and has from the beginning.

My wife and I met our junior year in college. From the beginning she has shared her experieinces with Bob, her high school boyfriend. As to be expected they shared all their sexual "firsts", first petting, first bj, gave him her virginity, etc. The problem is she shares her stories even after I have asked to not to. I do not like to think about her having sex with other people. She has told me how cops found them naked in the back seat, how she thinks men's cum is unusual in that she would get Bob's on her body but by the time she got home to wash up for bed it disappeared, how his parents found them naked in the basement.... more info than I need.

When we gradualted from college we both got jobs in her home town. When we would go to parties Bob would be there and my girlfriend (now wife) would go over give him a hug and kiss. I hated it because I could image then having sex. I got transferred and we moved, my wife preferred going to her 15 year high school reunion rather than celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary. She told me after the reunion they went to a diner and talked to 5AM. I don't don't know if "they" was a group of friends or just she and Bob. I hate going to Church on Christmas Eve because we have bumped into Bob, wife (I don't know if she knows) and his kids. My in laws still greet him very cordially.

But what really bothers me is that she will make casual comments. This weekend I was channel surfing and there was an old movie. My wife told me she remembers going to that movie with Bob. Only comment she makes but gets my mind going like, yeah, then you went parking and had sex. Of course I don't say anything because I don't want to make a big issue out of it. Once she saw a pregnancy test ad on TV and said " I wish they had those when I was in high school, it would have eliminated alot of worrying". I hate when she makes those types of comments, and like I said, I've asked her not to do that. She never mentions the other guys she dated and slept with and there we quite a few (no secrets in a small college).

So does anyone else have this problem? What did you do because after 35 years of marriage it still bothers me.

[jns]

For someone who is quite private, this would be annoying. Your wife obviously doesn't have a filter on letting out this type of information. Just know this, many years have passed and she is still with you. First loves can leave many lasting impressions, even though there is no desire to go over that ground again.

I wonder if she was telling stories about you and her to Bob.

[margie123]

I do not think it's right, I don't speak of my X but that's a different story. A couple we used to hang out with would always bring her x up & I believe it was her 1st boyfriend. I know Tom did not like it, she would speak of sneaking out the house, she gave him 1st BJ, well they are now divorced after 20 years, she ended up back with this guy (but they all live in the same town & she was seeing him behind his back. It's hard to say. I guess if she's being that open about the reunion there may be nothing there. I would hate for you to spend you life worring over nothing. She may be proud of all the guys she's been with, not me. I would next time say ya I remember those days to, what a wild ride & make her wonder. Though that may cause issues. A taste of her own medicine.

[KMonte85]

My wife and I have be happily married for over 35 years, have great kids and a good life. The problem is my wife does something that upsets me and has from the beginning.

. . .

Of course I don't say anything because I don't want to make a big issue out of it.

It's been 35 years, perhaps it's time you SPEAK UP and communicate with your wife about what's bothering you. Tell her how you feel about it. Explain to her that although you understand a first love will always have a special place in her heart, her first love doesn't have a special place in yours. Therefore, hearing about it makes you squeamish and you would are asking her to keep the sexy details and comments about it to herself. That's what friends are for, NOT spouses.

Give her the benefit of the doubt. Talk to her, and see if that does the trick. You can't expect her to fix an issue she may very well not even be aware of.

[lovessports]

It's been 35 years, perhaps it's time you SPEAK UP and communicate with your wife about what's bothering you. Tell her how you feel about it. Explain to her that although you understand a first love will always have a special place in her heart, her first love doesn't have a special place in yours. Therefore, hearing about it makes you squeamish and you would are asking her to keep the sexy details and comments about it to herself. That's what friends are for, NOT spouses.

Give her the benefit of the doubt. Talk to her, and see if that does the trick. You can't expect her to fix an issue she may very well not even be aware of.

I did talk to her early in our relationship and asked her not to share her details. It was a long time ago but we have talked about it.

[KMonte85]

Even the best of us need a reminder from time to time that are bad habits are encroaching again...

[Harmony]

What JNS says.

My first GF and her mother would constantly make reference to, and talk about her ex BF, and she would see him regularly through a friend of hers (she actually admitted to sleeping with him when we were 'together') and just like all unreasonable people, she thought this was fine, but went nuts if I so much as mentioned a girl or spoke to one.\

Probably because she was judging me by her own (low) standards, that's usually the case ;-)

Lovesports: is your wife your first lover? I can imagine this would exacerbate matters, and I know exactly how you feel. And I'll bet your wife is very jealous and possessive.

Ask your wife how she would feel if you went to the local bar and started disclosing intimate details of your love life to your friends.

[dyunysus]

Well here is your problem, you have not laid down the law with her when it comes to your relationship. The fact that after 35 years she keeps bringing him up would make me suspicious if they have had affairs behind you back. There is no reason for her to keep reminding you of the things her and her ex did. The only one I could think of is so you respond, "Oh yeah I can do you better!" Yet after 35 years you guys are 50-60 yrs old she need to grow up! Tell her again how this makes you feel, no one who truly loves you should keep doing this to you.

[CatB]

I don't think I would be okay with this, either. Hubby and I don't talk much about our past relationships in that way. I have two kids and so does he, so we know neither of us were virgins, but the gory details just aren't necessary.

And I'm pretty sure that whole hugging and kissing the ex in front of him, or at all for that matter, would go over like a screen door in a submarine.

I would tell your wife every time she brings it up, "I don't want to hear about this" or something like that. I mean, every time she does it. I'm sure it's just because it was her first love, it had a big impact on her life. She might not even realize she's doing it, or thinks because it's so many years removed, it wouldn't bother you anymore. Have no way of knowing the reasons why. Just let her know you don't like knowing the details, or hearing about them over and over again. That's what I would do.

[PinkySweet]

Maybe my husband and I are just weird. We will occasionally tell stories about our exes, usually the dumb ones so we end up giggling and laughing about them. Us talking about what we've done in the past doesn't bother either one of us because all that matters is we are together. We reminisce and laugh.

Now... We don't associate with our exes, that would be another story. I have one ex who was a great guy! We just didn't stay together for dumb little reasons. We were friends since like first grade and to this day I have nothing against him but I will not hang out with him, go meet him or even add him on facebook out of respect for my husband and my husband is the same way about his exes. Plus we live 20 hours away from our hometown and rarely get to go home so that helps in not running into exes lol