[Zowie]

I'm not sure how to say this so I'm just going to say it. I've never had the big O with anyone else. I'm in my late 30's and just got married a few weeks ago. I've had a few relationships and nothing with any of them. I know it's not there fault. They have done all that they are suppose to do, but I just don't. I fake it really well. I've had a little practice I guess you could say. Does anybody have any advice?

[anonymouswhitefemale]

Here's a male opinion, for what it's worth (practically nothing I'm sure).

My current gf had never orgasmed before me... At least, she'd only managed to do it with an electric toothbrush...

I would suggest getting a powerful plug in vibrator, and take your time, (as long as you can stand it if you don't orgasm...). Try not to be stressed and anxious, as that interferes. Eat the right sort of food, I can't remember what but a lot of vitamins are needed for sexual fun...

Massage the whole area, increases bloodflow which is essential....


Errr, that's the limit of my knowledge...

[reesecup]

The best way to know if you have ever had an orgasm is to know your body and do it yourself. If you are not comfortable with using a clit stimulator (vibrators don't do it for me) then take a shower! Make sure you have an adjustable shower head with several pulsating sprays and go to work. Lean back against the wall, lather up, and spread your lips and allow the stream to flow against your clit. It provides a strong feeling and your body will react to it. Once your body starts shaking, your heartbeat starts rising and you feel ready to pass out...keep going because you are almost there. Many women are afraid to touch themselves and rely heavily on the male to satisfy them. The best orgasm can be created by you...you know your body, and if you don't, learn it and perfect it so you can tell your husband how you like it.

[rcoreyus]

From a man's point of view: First, please don't fake it. Your significant other will be very unhappy when he finds out. Let him know you are still enjoying sex even though you dont orgasm. Then see what you can do...

If you can have an orgasm by yourself, have you tried to stimulate yourself while making love, Trust me - the great majority of men will find it very exciting. Or, show him how you stimulate yourself - again in 99% of cases he will find it very exciting, and will be happy to try to duplicate what you do.

If you can't have an orgasm by yourself, I'll defer to those with the same anatomy to provide suggestions.

[Natasha123]

I'd rather be able to feel something during sex, enjoy it and not having an orgasm

instead of not feeling any pleasure at all. I'd love to trade places with you. I don't know why so many women are whining about not having an orgasm, would you rather be numb down there like me ::rolling eyes::

[Zowie]

The big O

OK let em clear a few things up. I think a few readers may have misunderstood. I have had an orgasm before and I do enjoy sex with my husband, but I've NEVER had an orgasm while having sex. I really like what RCOREYUS said about being honest with him and letting him help me with the problem, but my next concern is what if it never changes and he feels responsable?

[rcoreyus]

I think if you are able to have an orgasm, and if your husband is aware of the problem and wants to help, you are very likely to suceed. Don't be stressed by it, don't put pressure on him, just let him know what you like. Most men really enjoy pleasing their wives - and are happy to learn what to do.

[anonymouswhitefemale]

My girls never orgasmed during sex, except for masturbating herself with a toy with me inside her (barely moving as being rocked around interferes)...

From what I hear only 1 in 6 or so women CAN orgasm from penetrative sex, it's mostly clitoral stimulation, which doesn't particularly happen during sex.


As for faking, don't. It will make the guy feel like an idiot when he finds out (unless you bring it up with him in the right way). But definately tell him, as if he thinks everything's fine nothing will change.


From what it seems it's not like your body is broken or whatever, just that you're not getting the right stimulation...

[inquisitive1]

Hello Zowie-

It is true that statistically more women only orgasm with clitoris stimulus. Less women orgasm with penetration. And far less women orgasm with both clitoris and penetration. The statistics may vary but they all reflect the same trends. It is also true that far more women have a moistening or mild flow orgasm than women who have a squirt orgasm. Women who have both types of orgasms are rare.

This ties into my thread "Where Does It Come From And What's Normal?" Truth is medical science can not answer most if any of these questions (that's all the latest information that I have inquired anyway....who knows there maybe something I have not read yet). The answer as to why some women do not orgasm is not known.

I do know this....you are not broken! This is not some rare anomaly. It happens more than you might think. I do agree that it is not healthy to fake it.

Here's the good news....most women with this issue that I have spoken with....they report finding their orgasm with maturity(as they age). The ages vary. Why this happens I do not know. I suspect it is partially due to hormonal changes as well as some life changes. Those life changes are not stressing about the situation....which is easy to do and definitely puts more strain on your situation. The other life change maybe something you already have in whole or in part....that is knowing your body and having a higher level of comfort with yourself. Try not to rush it. I know that's easy for me to say....right?! However, it's still true.

I do not mean to intrude but have you talked to your Gyn about your situation? If not I suggest you do. Sometimes medical conditions and medication changes can affect you sexually. There are some other factors as well. I hope this helps. Take care.

[Zowie]

Zowie,

I hear eveybody telling me to tell him the truth and I will try and figure out how to do that. We have only been married a montha nd I don't want this marriage to start on the wrong foot and I also don't want a lie for years to come. Do you think being molested as a child could have anything to do with this problem? I think it's simply the stimulation thing more so!