[somanyprobs]

I just moved down to FL from PA, have no insurance and no steady income so seeking professional psychological help is impossible at this time...

I don't really know what's wrong with me. I don't know what questions to ask myself or what... I never want to have sex with my boyfriend of four years. We have so little experience with it that it's always a little lackluster, hurts, or embarrassing for me. Whether or not that has anything to do with my problem, I don't know. It's just like, 9 times out of 10 that he asks or tries to put on the moves I just never want it. And it ends sourly every time. He tells me I'm basically telling him he isn't attractive. I feel bad--I feel tortured!! I feel like I shouldn't be putting him through this stress anymore. And I tell him I am suffering because of this, because I am. When he says, "you'll feel like doing it after we start doing it" I'm put off even more. And he gets angry even more. And... he doesn't want to listen to me at that point.

I still masturbate, I can climax, my hormones seem? to be okay so I don't think it's anything physical. I really think we need a therapist but I don't think it's possible for us right now with our current financial situation.

He wants us to be able to connect on that very intimate level and I wish we could, too. We are normally very happy together. We share many of the same interests, and support each other very strongly. We love each other very much... but I think if I don't figure out what's wrong with me soon, we might separate. We used to be soul mates. Now I'm just a prude.

Currently he's in the bedroom right now, not talking to me... and I'm here wondering what the hell is going on with my head.

[Curlyfurs]

Hey, listen, don't be so hard on yourself because of your lack of appetite.
I'm 22 years old, in a 3 year loving relationship, and I have encountered similar things as you. Sex is slightly painful and doesn't feel like fireworks going off, exactly.
A lot of women worry because they can't climax or don't seem to be enjoying sex as much as their men do, but this is pretty common.
If you love your partner, its really worth it for both of you to make time for sex in your days. Just enjoy the being together, and play around with each other, and make it a nice, fun romantic thing. enjoy the cuddling! & the other bits will become nice.
Don't spend your time worrying "why doesn't this feel amazing" because that could detract from what is actually great about it.

Tell him he needs to make you feel nice and special, too. He's wrong if he thinks anger is going to get him what he wants!

hope you're alright. chin up!

I just moved down to FL from PA, have no insurance and no steady income so seeking professional psychological help is impossible at this time...

I don't really know what's wrong with me. I don't know what questions to ask myself or what... I never want to have sex with my boyfriend of four years. We have so little experience with it that it's always a little lackluster, hurts, or embarrassing for me. Whether or not that has anything to do with my problem, I don't know. It's just like, 9 times out of 10 that he asks or tries to put on the moves I just never want it. And it ends sourly every time. He tells me I'm basically telling him he isn't attractive. I feel bad--I feel tortured!! I feel like I shouldn't be putting him through this stress anymore. And I tell him I am suffering because of this, because I am. When he says, "you'll feel like doing it after we start doing it" I'm put off even more. And he gets angry even more. And... he doesn't want to listen to me at that point.

I still masturbate, I can climax, my hormones seem? to be okay so I don't think it's anything physical. I really think we need a therapist but I don't think it's possible for us right now with our current financial situation.

He wants us to be able to connect on that very intimate level and I wish we could, too. We are normally very happy together. We share many of the same interests, and support each other very strongly. We love each other very much... but I think if I don't figure out what's wrong with me soon, we might separate. We used to be soul mates. Now I'm just a prude.

Currently he's in the bedroom right now, not talking to me... and I'm here wondering what the hell is going on with my head.

[DreamP346]

Couple of questions before people can give you a better answer.

Has sex with your partner ever felt good?
Does it hurt/feel embarrasing every time?
Does your partner do things that feel good to you? Put enough time into foreplay (at least 20 minutes)? Do things to bring you to orgasm like oral or manual? Are you only engaging in intercourse or do you do other sexual stuff as well?
Do you two spend time doing other intimate stuff that are not necessarily sexual like cuddling, touching (skin-to-skin), teasing?
Do you tell each other what you want sexually? Meaning do you give him guidance on what feels good and ask him to do those things?
Are there any other issues with your relationship right now?
Are there any other issues in your life that is adding stress? Work, money, family?
Did you change any medication? Are you on any type of hormonal birth control?

[Steffie]

somanyprobs are you on birth control? That tends to kill your libido...just a thought **hugs**

I just moved down to FL from PA, have no insurance and no steady income so seeking professional psychological help is impossible at this time...

I don't really know what's wrong with me. I don't know what questions to ask myself or what... I never want to have sex with my boyfriend of four years. We have so little experience with it that it's always a little lackluster, hurts, or embarrassing for me. Whether or not that has anything to do with my problem, I don't know. It's just like, 9 times out of 10 that he asks or tries to put on the moves I just never want it. And it ends sourly every time. He tells me I'm basically telling him he isn't attractive. I feel bad--I feel tortured!! I feel like I shouldn't be putting him through this stress anymore. And I tell him I am suffering because of this, because I am. When he says, "you'll feel like doing it after we start doing it" I'm put off even more. And he gets angry even more. And... he doesn't want to listen to me at that point.

I still masturbate, I can climax, my hormones seem? to be okay so I don't think it's anything physical. I really think we need a therapist but I don't think it's possible for us right now with our current financial situation.

He wants us to be able to connect on that very intimate level and I wish we could, too. We are normally very happy together. We share many of the same interests, and support each other very strongly. We love each other very much... but I think if I don't figure out what's wrong with me soon, we might separate. We used to be soul mates. Now I'm just a prude.

Currently he's in the bedroom right now, not talking to me... and I'm here wondering what the hell is going on with my head.

[LisaW1991]

I just moved down to FL from PA, have no insurance and no steady income so seeking professional psychological help is impossible at this time...

I don't really know what's wrong with me. I don't know what questions to ask myself or what... I never want to have sex with my boyfriend of four years. We have so little experience with it that it's always a little lackluster, hurts, or embarrassing for me. Whether or not that has anything to do with my problem, I don't know. It's just like, 9 times out of 10 that he asks or tries to put on the moves I just never want it. And it ends sourly every time. He tells me I'm basically telling him he isn't attractive. I feel bad--I feel tortured!! I feel like I shouldn't be putting him through this stress anymore. And I tell him I am suffering because of this, because I am. When he says, "you'll feel like doing it after we start doing it" I'm put off even more. And he gets angry even more. And... he doesn't want to listen to me at that point.

I still masturbate, I can climax, my hormones seem? to be okay so I don't think it's anything physical. I really think we need a therapist but I don't think it's possible for us right now with our current financial situation.

He wants us to be able to connect on that very intimate level and I wish we could, too. We are normally very happy together. We share many of the same interests, and support each other very strongly. We love each other very much... but I think if I don't figure out what's wrong with me soon, we might separate. We used to be soul mates. Now I'm just a prude.

Currently he's in the bedroom right now, not talking to me... and I'm here wondering what the hell is going on with my head.

If this has been happening for 4 years, then both you and your BF need to seek out professional counseling.

If one or both partners in a relationship aren't getting their sexual needs satisfied, sooner or later they will find a different partner that does satisfy them. For practically every couple sex is a make or break issue, and if they aren't having a healthy sex life, the relationship is at a high risk of failing.

There are all kind of creative solutions, some you might not find acceptable. There are couples who do not have sex, but they have figured out how to make their relationship work in unconventional ways, and in some cases where the woman doesn't like sex, her husband has one or more relationships with other women who give him just sex. What does not work is when the woman does not like being sexual with her husband (often labeled frigid), but then tells her husband he can't have sex either.