[Bobby80]

Since a couple of weeks I'm in a relationship with a very nice girl. All is great but there's just one significant problem with the sex. She's practically a virgin (she's just 18, I'm older and more experienced). So far I haven't been able to penetrate her. We've tried many positions, lubrication and I've pushed really hard without success.

When I try to penetrate her, she quickly tenses up her legs and vagina and it becomes impossible to enter. I tried to do it with my finger and even then it is very difficult. It feels very tense to get in, I can only enter about one third and she cannot hold my finger in for more than a minute or so. She experiences pain, but my impression is that the pain isn't enormous, but she isn't very clear on that.

I tried to relax her more with some breathing and relaxing exercises, tried alcohol, but it doesn't seem to make that much difference. She was penetrated before by another guy when she was really drunk and could finally relax.

I asked her about her background to find out why it could be like this. She told that she didn't have abuse but when she grew up many boys were interested in having sex with her and she had to say no many times because she wasn't ready. She thinks that must have closed her **********. Now she is ready but her ********** is still closed.

We both really want to solve this problem but don't know exactly how. I've now told her to practice by herself with her finger to get inside while remaining more relaxed.

Can anybody, especially the ladies, help us with this? Any tips are more than welcome! That would be really awesome.

Bobby

[Anunnaki]

Have you two ever heard of Vaginismus? Depending on the intensity, vaginismus symptoms range from minor burning sensations with tightness to total closure of the vaginal opening with impossible penetration.

Vaginismus is vaginal tightness causing discomfort, burning, pain, penetration problems, or complete inability to have intercourse. The vaginal tightness results from the involuntary tightening of the pelvic floor, especially the pubococcygeus (PC) muscle group, although the woman may not be aware that this is the cause of her penetration or pain difficulties.

Vaginismus can be triggered in both younger and older women, in those with no sexual experience and those with years of experience. Not all women experience vaginismus the same way, and the extensiveness of vaginismus varies:
•Some women are unable to insert anything at all.
•Some women are able to insert a tampon and complete a gynecological exam, yet are unable to insert a penis.
•Others are able to partially insert a penis, although the process is very painful.
•Some are able to fully insert a penis, but tightness and discomfort interrupt the normal progression from arousal through to orgasm and bring pain instead.
•Some women are able to tolerate years of uncomfortable intercourse with gradually increasing pain and discomfort that eventually interrupts the sexual experience.
•Women may also experience years of intermittent difficulty with entry or movement and have to constantly be on their guard to control and relax their pelvic area when it suddenly 'acts up'

Not sure if this helps but look it up to get more info. I know I've had problems with the walls closing and I went to the doctor and many times they couldn't even insert a finger to examine me. They couldn't give me a reason on this. It has since gone away for me. If this doesn't help get her a gyno aptmnt. I go to planned parent hood and for me its free.

[LisaW1991]

I kinda have the same problem. I have to get to that stage when my body is fully excited and I can feel that my vagina has expanded. For me this take 30-60 minutes of sexual stimulation. If a guy tries to enter me before I'm fully excited, its practically impossible, but once I get to that excited stage, there is no problems having sex.

I first had sex when I was 12, and just assumed it was normal for sex to be difficult, and it took awhile for me to figure how how my body worked during sex. It does kinda show how powerful sex can be because despite how difficult it was to have sex, I enjoyed it, and kept wanting to have sex even though there were times when I was younger it was painful to have an erection fully inside me. But I also associated that pain with the pleasure of having sex, so it was kinda translating a negative feeling into having a positive response, if that makes any sense at all. I mean when my bf was thrusting in\out it could hurt, but I was still enjoying the experience of having sex. As I got more experienced I started figuring out that the more sexually excited I became before he entered me, the better it was.

[DreamP346]

Lots of foreplay. 20 minutes is a minimum, but more is better. Also, try giving her an orgasm before hand because that really relaxes a woman. You don't have to penetrate to give a woman an orgasm. Add clitoral stimulation while trying intercourse.

[Little_Man_in_the_Boat]

Sigh.

Really bad technique which just makes things much worse.

Never, ever, ever try to force your penis into a girl /women.

She's probably been severely traumatised and needs a very caring and understanding type of guy. Unfortunately you don't sound like that type of guy.

If she's been traumatised then you need to be loving and caring and supportive.

It sounds like she's suffering from Vaginusmus which is a condition that causes lock vagina - she's been raped probably or sexually interfered which has caused her condition.

I think you would have to care more about her well being than your own sexual desire or needs - that's a big ask for some men.

Time, real love, and a days maybe months of foreplay.

Go slow, gradually ...

Days maybe months of cuddling and hugging and no pressure.

Just caress her and caress her until she gets wet.

No wetness no penetration.

Simple.

[KarenTheChef]

just cuz someone has vaginismus doesn't mean they were raped or assaulted...

[jns]

I agree with those who say foreplay and more foreplay. Be very gentle unless she requests you to be rougher. Learn to give her one or several orgasms before going further.