[caitlin25]

Hey all,

First off, thanks for any help/advice. I'm a woman, 20 years old, and I find it rather difficult to achieve an orgasm. I have a wonderful boyfriend who I've been with for over a year now, and he is extremely attentive and loving. He does everything in his power to please me and is open to any and all suggestions. We trust each other and have very open communication. So, no problems there.

But, I still find that I orgasm very rarely. I'd say that I usually have an orgasm only one one out of every six times that we're together, maybe even less. I've sometimes gone up to several weeks at a time without a single climax. I enjoy sex, I think I have a healthy sex drive, and when I'm with my boyfriend I have no problem getting aroused. Most of the time I get very aroused and can feel that I'm right on the borderline of having an orgasm, but then I just...don't...get there. I know sex can be enjoyable without an orgasm, but most of the time this just leaves me feeling dissatisfied and a bit frustrated, because I get so close and have all this tension and buildup that never gets released. It's getting to where I'm losing interest in having sex at all, because I know the odds are good that it'll just lead to an unsatisfying experience. And of course my boyfriend, poor guy, is very puzzled and upset about why what he's doing isn't working when he tries everything he can, spends plenty of time on foreplay, listens to what I tell him, and so forth.

In terms of different positions and strategies, we've tried quite a few with no success. I've never had an orgasm from intercourse itself. The first time he gave me oral sex, I had an orgasm, but that hasn't worked again ever since. The usual way I achieve an orgasm is with me on top, grinding against his penis (but not while he's inside me; I'm just grinding against him). But like I said, even that only works one out of six times.

I know that I'm not unusual and that many women have difficulty getting an orgasm, especially at my age, but that leads me to my second point. When I do research into why some women struggle with orgasms and how to have them easier, the #1 suggestion (along with "just relax") is usually "Discover what works best for you during masturbation, and show your partner how to do that." In fact, it seems like a common complaint among women is only being able to orgasm during masturbation and not with a partner.

Well, the thing is, I don't masturbate. It's not that I think it's wrong or find it gross or am ashamed of my body or anything like that at all. I certainly would masturbate quite happily if I got any pleasure from it, but I don't. It doesn't do anything for me. Have you ever tried tickling yourself, like in the ribs or something? You notice how that doesn't work? That's what's it like when I try to arouse myself: Nothing happens. Whereas one seductive look from my boyfriend can get my blood pumping and turn me on instantly, I find that poking myself in the genitals has the same effect as poking myself in the arm or something. It just doesn't do anything.

So you see my problem here: Masturbation is supposed to be a great way to discover what works for you and how your body achieves an orgasm, but for me it's kinda not. So without that route, how am I supposed to get more orgasmic and improve my sex life with my boyfriend? :/ I'd rather not continue as we are, with myself usually feeling unsatisfied and my boyfriend feeling frustrated with himself that he can't satisfy me. But I'm not sure how to make my orgasms any easier, other than just trying to relax and take the pressure off myself to achieve one every time.

Also, fyi, I do not own a vibrator. I've considered getting one, but even if I found out that using one works for me, I don't want to be dependent on using one every time we have sex. I think it would make my boyfriend feel great if he could consistently get me to climax on his own power.

Thanks in advance for your help guys!

[Little_Man_in_the_Boat]

Despite what most say about orgasm it not easy to achieve like some would have you believe.

The mind blowing orgasm that I experienced with my partner was an over night session with hours upon hours of foreplay.

So please don't beat yourself up if you at first don't succeed.

Orgasm has many hidden secrets that I don't understand.

Maybe that night was just a fluke.

I doubt I will ever know.

My best advice is turn out the lights. Humans are inhibited to some extent.

Do it under full moon ? That night was only lit only by the moon light.

It was a cold night with-out any heating. Temperature does not appear to make any difference.

Gentle repetitive hand caressing so gentle that its like the wings of a butterfly brushing up against you.

Nothing comes from nothing you have to put effort into it its not something that just appears out of no where.

Affective stimulus but not anything that is abrasive or irritating to the vulva or clitoris.

NO stupid finger thrusting or anything violent.

[Little_Man_in_the_Boat]

Also realise that most women and men are inhibited despite what most say.

its the same old stories of my breasts are too big or they are too small or they one is smaller than the other.

My flaps are too long, to short, too wide, too small ...

Every body just worries too much about there bodies.

Realise that no body is perfect and we all have something that we don't like about ourselves.

At the end of the day what does it matter ?

You can still have great sex if you put effort into it and take my advice.

[Lady Syrinx]

Like the old Frankie Goes to Hollywood song says RELAX. If you or he is too too goal oriented I most likely won't happen. For r much of my realationship my relatioship with my husband I was unable to to orgasm. He was hyper goal oriented. Last year when we he finally took my advice and stopped being goal oriented and just enjoyed the moment I was able to do the same. I was able to have the most mind blowing orgasm. My whole body twitched for about 2 minutes afterward. I haven't had one that intense since. It may be a one-time thing, we have fun trying to reproduve it. There's no pressure. They may not be that intense but I can't remember the last time I last time I didn't orgasm.

Also, take your time and use a variety of positions in one session . I've never timed one of our sessions but my best guess is 15 minutes (not including foreplay). In that time we switch positions numerous times.

[Ilove2pleaseu2]

Reflex is the right word. Plus, you have to remember that men and women are setup for sex totally different. The head of the penis is the spot which will give him and orgasm. Women need their clit stimulated and that's why you were able to have one while rubbing on him

My suggestion would be to purchase the Hitachi Magic Wand. This toy will do the trick as long as you reflex and enoy yourself. Once you get one try being on top with him inside of you. Turn on the wand and place on your clit and let the magic happen.

It is a good idea to try it and other tous alone to see what works best for you. Good luck!