[tartar sauceee]

so my fiance found some stuff on my computer while I was out.

She looked in my files, and found a lot of pictures of me with my exes. That had her fumed, but whats worse is that she found videos that I forgot about.

Sex videos. Some of them you just hear stuff, but some of them are graphic.

It traumatized her and she thinks now that any woman that I talk to, or that is a friend, is someone I slept with.

Its to the point where she makes me delete any girl on my facebook that didn't go to graduate school or college with me. Also any girl that looks pretty.

But overall, she is very traumatized at finding sex tapes of my and girls in my past. I am wondering, is this something that will get better with time? Is there anything I can do to make her trauma go away?

Thanks for your advice!!

[BabyGirl]

You can start by apologizing for still having them at all and explaining that they were before your relationship with her. You can use the " I forgot I still had those " But you can only use that Once.

Sit down together and go through your Comp, Delete ( in front of her ) all past Video's,Photos of any Ex. This means every single one of them. If they are group or family photo's that you don't want to Delete and have an EX in them. Photoshop them , Blur out the Ex's face.
You can tell her you don't need any old Memories of any Ex,that you'd rather make new Memories with her.

On your Facebook, make sure to change your " status " to In a Relationship with the most Beautiful Woman in the World. Or something to that effect. Post Photo's of you and her on your FB, with uplifting comments . like " Me and My Love at the Beach, Park, Dinner, Club ".. whatever describes the photo of the 2 of you.

Limit contact with other females,Women Friends from school or Work to only General stuff, if someone posts and old Party Pic that you are in or comments on a place you hung out with them in the old days. Make sure to comment back with something like " Yeah it was fun,But I can't wait to take my Lady Love there someday, it'll be so much better with her there".

She is traumatized, because to her, there is no reason for you to keep anything about EX's,especially any Porn or Sexual activities.
There are always Beautiful or Pretty Ladies that you will know or come to know, she needs to know that She is the One who is Important to you, She is the one you are with, She is the one you Love.

Once you show her that She is your Focus, she will hopefully realize that you can be casual Friends with Female's, attractive ones or just regular ones.

Make sure to compliment her,offline too. If she has sexy eyes or kissable lips, Tell her that. But don't make it all about Sex, just that it's is part of what you love about her.

After you are done with your Comp & FB. Go through hers together too. She should Delete any EX's , Photo's and such also. There will be allot of Good Looking Men on her's I'm Sure

This should be about the Both of you, with the same " Rules ", It should end up building Trust between you two. Her FB should reflect the Two of you as a Couple, just as yours does.

[rcoreyus]

You like porn, like taking pictures and videos of yourself. That is OK for some people, but not for others. If this sort of thing is important to you, then you need to be sure that it is OK with your fiance. If it isn't, then you have some serious thinking to do: Are you willing to give this up for the rest of your life? If not, do you want a life of hiding this sort of thing, and occasionally being found out?

She has every right to be upset. You have every right to want to do these things. You are planning a life together - you need to figure out if there is a compromise that you are both happy with. Don't either of you turn this into "your are willing to break an engagement over this" sort of thing. This is a big deal for both of you, not some trivial issue to be swept under the rug that will appear later.

I think that if people could really be honest with each other early on, there would be a lot fewer unhappy marriages.

[tartar sauceee]

Sit down together and go through your Comp, Delete ( in front of her ) all past Video's,Photos of any Ex. This means every single one of them. If they are group or family photo's that you don't want to Delete and have an EX in them. Photoshop them , Blur out the Ex's face.
You can tell her you don't need any old Memories of any Ex,that you'd rather make new Memories with her.

wow this is good stuff! I already deleted it! It means nothing to me. It was just something I did at the time because I was immature and some sort of conquest immature guy thinking....

On your Facebook, make sure to change your " status " to In a Relationship with the most Beautiful Woman in the World. Or something to that effect. Post Photo's of you and her on your FB, with uplifting comments . like " Me and My Love at the Beach, Park, Dinner, Club ".. whatever describes the photo of the 2 of you.

Limit contact with other females,Women Friends from school or Work to only General stuff, if someone posts and old Party Pic that you are in or comments on a place you hung out with them in the old days. Make sure to comment back with something like " Yeah it was fun,But I can't wait to take my Lady Love there someday, it'll be so much better with her there".

i already have a status up that i am in a relationship with her and have our picture together up as our profile pic. she doesn't like facebook so she doesn't do it.

She is traumatized, because to her, there is no reason for you to keep anything about EX's,especially any Porn or Sexual activities.
There are always Beautiful or Pretty Ladies that you will know or come to know, she needs to know that She is the One who is Important to you, She is the one you are with, She is the one you Love.

Once you show her that She is your Focus, she will hopefully realize that you can be casual Friends with Female's, attractive ones or just regular ones.

Make sure to compliment her,offline too. If she has sexy eyes or kissable lips, Tell her that. But don't make it all about Sex, just that it's is part of what you love about her.

After you are done with your Comp & FB. Go through hers together too. She should Delete any EX's , Photo's and such also. There will be allot of Good Looking Men on her's I'm Sure

This should be about the Both of you, with the same " Rules ", It should end up building Trust between you two. Her FB should reflect the Two of you as a Couple, just as yours does.

Yeah, she knows she is my life and all. As Khal Drago says... she is my "moon" and "sun". Sexy eyes... kissable lips... hmm okay hahah sounds so corny! but i get the feeling it will help.

she already deleted all her past stuff before she met me. But yeah, the shock of actualy seeing it with her eyes was a lot for her to handle...

[tartar sauceee]

You like porn, like taking pictures and videos of yourself. That is OK for some people, but not for others. If this sort of thing is important to you, then you need to be sure that it is OK with your fiance. If it isn't, then you have some serious thinking to do: Are you willing to give this up for the rest of your life? If not, do you want a life of hiding this sort of thing, and occasionally being found out?

She has every right to be upset. You have every right to want to do these things. You are planning a life together - you need to figure out if there is a compromise that you are both happy with. Don't either of you turn this into "your are willing to break an engagement over this" sort of thing. This is a big deal for both of you, not some trivial issue to be swept under the rug that will appear later.

I think that if people could really be honest with each other early on, there would be a lot fewer unhappy marriages.

its not that i like porn, it was kind of " conquest video" and "conquest pics" stuff I take at the time bc im single, then i put it on my comp, and i completely forget about it.

i didn't want to look at it, i just wanted it as a kind of "notch on my belt" record. its not a big deal for me to keep it, and its gone.

i think its one of those immature things that some guys do, kind of like handbags for women. women don't buy handbags to impress men, they buy it to impress each other (other women). kind of like a "I can afford this, my status is high". no mater what i cannot understand that

but her fear was that it seems, like I have some memory left of her? that i cherish some girl in my past???

that is COMPLETELY OFF THE MARK! its an immature "trophy collection" kind of thing. like a deer on the wall. the deer is just a deer... but in this case, the deer was forgotten about and thrown away....