[Kalika3850]

I've been with my boyfriend for a year and 2 months. We've been living together for about 8 months. He's great. We have a blast together and make each other laugh. He's amazingly attentive and interested in who I am and what I have to say. However....our sex life is practically non existent. We were having sex several times a week initially and that was great. Then it went to once a week....then once a month....now it's once every couple of months and that is just not enough for me. Part of the problem is I started taking Depo in December and it made my menstrual cycle insane. He doesn't like period sex and I was bleeding for weeks at a time. We both masturbate instead of having sex though I do it multiple times a day and he doesn't. I quit the Depo but nothing has changed. I tried talking to him about it and he says he just doesn't have much of a sex drive anymore. What am I supposed to do? We get on each others nerves sometimes but everything is great except our sex life. I was a late bloomer with sex...I was a virgin until I was 23. I'm only 28. There's a lot I want to do and haven't done yet that I am interested in trying. I'm also bisexual. Should I just focus on finding a girlfriend? Ugh, I don't know what to do. Everything else is great except this. This is the kind of problem you have after years and years of being together and we've only been together for a little over a year. He says he still finds me attractive....but I'm starting to doubt it

[vinnyt]

I've been with my boyfriend for a year and 2 months. We've been living together for about 8 months. He's great. We have a blast together and make each other laugh. He's amazingly attentive and interested in who I am and what I have to say. However....our sex life is practically non existent. We were having sex several times a week initially and that was great. Then it went to once a week....then once a month....now it's once every couple of months and that is just not enough for me. Part of the problem is I started taking Depo in December and it made my menstrual cycle insane. He doesn't like period sex and I was bleeding for weeks at a time. We both masturbate instead of having sex though I do it multiple times a day and he doesn't. I quit the Depo but nothing has changed. I tried talking to him about it and he says he just doesn't have much of a sex drive anymore. What am I supposed to do? We get on each others nerves sometimes but everything is great except our sex life. I was a late bloomer with sex...I was a virgin until I was 23. I'm only 28. There's a lot I want to do and haven't done yet that I am interested in trying. I'm also bisexual. Should I just focus on finding a girlfriend? Ugh, I don't know what to do. Everything else is great except this. This is the kind of problem you have after years and years of being together and we've only been together for a little over a year. He says he still finds me attractive....but I'm starting to doubt it

hi there,
as a guy i can tell you there are only 3 reasons why that could happen. 1 he is gay. 2 he has somebody else 3 his testosterone levels are very low.

[KMonte85]

hi there,
as a guy i can tell you there are only 3 reasons why that could happen. 1 he is gay. 2 he has somebody else 3 his testosterone levels are very low.

This is a very simplistic view of the issue, and I disagree with you that there are only your three reasons listed why the OP's boyfriend has lost his sex drive. While those are some reasons, I believe there is something else going on.. something not in your 3 reasons listed.

This could easily be an emotional reaction to having foregone sex for a long time, coupled with a habit that needs to be broken. When a person becomes accustomed to not having sex regularly, sometimes they stop craving it. It's like a switch flips in their brain and they no longer MISS that connection. Particularly when the sex drive is being handled through masturbation, it becomes easy to just "take care of it" wham-bam done. It becomes cyclical in a way, a habitual tendency to just not have sex. Remaining distant out of habit is real, and it can be fixed.

OP, don't cheat. You need to talk to your boyfriend one more time, let him know your needs and how much it's impacting you (to the point that you're thinking of giving up on an otherwise good relationship). Let him know that you miss your physical connection, and desire to BE with him. If he cares, he'll make the necessary changes and work with you to reestablish that physical bond. If he doesn't care, he'll keep being sexually distant from you - at which point you need to decide if you're willing to stay with someone who is going to withhold sex, or discuss the prospect of an open relationship.

[rcoreyus]

Just a few thoughts:
Not everyone has the same level of interest in sex. I think its important for a couple to be happy for their desires to be reasonably well matched.

I agree Kmonte that this can become a vicious cycle. Maybe it can be broken if that is what is going on.

If you are bisexual and would like to act on that interest, that is great, but you need a boyfriend who is OK with that. (many men would not have any problem with this, others would).

Most important: Relationships should make you happy. If they don't, then it is worth finding someone who will make you happy.

[MauiGirl18]

Hi, I am new to this site and I am having trouble learning where I go to post a question! I have a lot of questions but cant find where to post them.....Will someone PLEASE help me?????

[vinnyt]

This is a very simplistic view of the issue, and I disagree with you that there are only your three reasons listed why the OP's boyfriend has lost his sex drive. While those are some reasons, I believe there is something else going on.. something not in your 3 reasons listed.

This could easily be an emotional reaction to having foregone sex for a long time, coupled with a habit that needs to be broken. When a person becomes accustomed to not having sex regularly, sometimes they stop craving it. It's like a switch flips in their brain and they no longer MISS that connection. Particularly when the sex drive is being handled through masturbation, it becomes easy to just "take care of it" wham-bam done. It becomes cyclical in a way, a habitual tendency to just not have sex. Remaining distant out of habit is real, and it can be fixed.

OP, don't cheat. You need to talk to your boyfriend one more time, let him know your needs and how much it's impacting you (to the point that you're thinking of giving up on an otherwise good relationship). Let him know that you miss your physical connection, and desire to BE with him. If he cares, he'll make the necessary changes and work with you to reestablish that physical bond. If he doesn't care, he'll keep being sexually distant from you - at which point you need to decide if you're willing to stay with someone who is going to withhold sex, or discuss the prospect of an open relationship.

I see your point BUT, the sex was regular then disappeared. Once again from a man's perspective, even if you are not into the person you live with it will hapen one way or another. Its a guy's thing. Even if someone masturbates a lot, anyone here will agree, it is not the same and it never satisfies you. Most guys usually masturbate before they have sex in order to last longer. For a healthy male (unless there is a testosterone deficiency) sex drive doesn't just go away for no reason. You have good points but they will only apply to women, men just don't operate that way, there is no healthy relationship without great sex.